EZHF
by ThunderClouds7
Summary: Elite Zombie Hunting Force. My friends and I form a zombie hunting force as the world basically goes poof over night and is overrun by the undead. We have a whole lot of fun during our many insane adventures and get into a ton of stupid situations as we try to take back what was lost. And what's more fun than kicking zombie ass with magic? Elves, shapeshifters, werewolves, and fun.
1. December 21, 2012

**REWRITTEN**

On December 21, 2012 at around 6:11am, the screams shattered the calm air and jolted me out of my uneasy slumber. I bolted upright, orange comforter falling from my shoulders, and immediately whacked my head on the low ceiling. I flopped back down on my bed and rubbed at the bump that had risen. "Ow," I grumbled. "I hate that ceiling."

I closed my eyes, not really wanting to get out of my warm bed to figure out who had screamed. It was probably just some crazy teenagers who had decided to have a snowball fight at six o'clock in the morning. But then the screams ripped through the air again and I knew that they weren't happy-fun screams; they were full of pain and fear.

Once more I opened my eyes and sat up, swinging my legs out from under the warm blanket and stumbling down the wooden ladder of my loft. The floor was cold beneath my feet. I shoved the curtain on my window aside and peered out, trying to see what was causing the commotion, but the alleyway was completely silent except for the bitter winter wind rustling the bare branches of the tree that sat in front of my second story vantage point. I could hear my older brother, Zach, beginning to move around down the hall. His room was situated on the front of the house, over-looking the main street. Maybe I could see what was happening from there.

I padded out of my room and turned right into his. Zach was sitting up in his bed, looking confused. "What's going on?" he mumbled blearily.

"Donno," I answered as I stood before the window, hands braced on the sill. I stared in shock at the scene before me. "Oh crap…"

Lights were flicking on in all the houses along the street, illuminating the mayhem along with a single streetlight. I'd been predicting this exact occurrence for many years, but my predictions had never come to pass and my parents had scoffed at me. Zombies. An outbreak. Here, in Iowa City. It appeared to just be a Class 1 outbreak, but I knew it would escalate quickly as people panicked if nothing was done. Someone needed to go out there and do something incredibly stupid and dangerous if we were going to solve this problem. And that someone was me. "Where's your shotgun?" I asked my brother tensely. Zach had gone through a brief hunting phase when he was about my age–fifteen. My favorite story to tell about that time was when, during pheasant season, his first question was, "What's a pheasant look like?"

"Down in Mom and Dad's room," he answered, pulling me out of the memory. "Why?"

"Stay here," I ordered instead of answering. I raced to the stairs and bounded down them three at a time. My parents were coming out of their room and I almost bowled into my father as I leapt down the last five steps. He caught me and held me up.

"What's going on? Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine. Get upstairs and close the doors."

"What's going on?" my mom repeated, sounding nervous.

I grinned, taking a little too much pleasure out of this. "Guess what! I was _right_! Ha!"

"About what?" Dad demanded.

"The zombies are coming! The zombies are coming!" I answered in a sing-song voice, altering an old quote from the Revolutionary War.

Their faces paled. I was able to break free from my dad's grasp and shove them up the stairs, shutting the door behind them and bracing a chair under the doorknob. Dad pounded angrily on the wood. "Enia!"

"Don't worry!" I called. "Just go upstairs. I'll be back in a minute."

"Don't do anything dangerous," my mother pleaded.

"I won't," I lied.

I waited until I heard them begin to tramp up the stairs then turned and headed into their bedroom, scrounging around in their closet until I found what I needed; Zach's shotgun and a box of ammunition. I turned the gun over in my hands, trying to figure out how to load it. "Ye gods, how does it _work_?" I groaned. Eventually, I gave up and returned to the living room, ready to head back upstairs and rejoin my family. But then, impulsively, I turned and looked at the large window that looked out over the street. I wanted to see what was happening up close. But that would be stupid, maybe even dangerous. It'd be better just to go upstairs and wait for all this to blow over. But I wanted to see a zombie. But it made more sense just to head upstairs.

Curiosity won out over common sense.

I dashed into the living room and dropped to my knees, meaning to slide the last few feet to the window. Instead I burned my knees painfully, crashed into the wall, and smacked my head on the window sill. I lay there, dazed, and raised a hand to the throbbing bump. "Ow!"

Suddenly, something thudded wetly against the glass above me. I jumped and pressed myself into the wall. I could hear the low, distinctive moan and it chilled me to the core. I craned my neck and peered up, trying to remain as hidden as possible. A jolt went through me when I saw the leering face. It really was a zombie. There was a freaking _zombie_ right above me, looking into my house and trying to get it. Damn, it was ugly. It was fresher, its skin not yet gray and rotting, but the pallor of death still hung over its face. Its eyes were dark and soulless above a mashed and bloody nose. A long gash ran down its cheek, splitting the skin to the bone. The wound ran almost to its snarling mouth where I could see that its teeth weren't yet worn and jagged, or filled with bits of flesh. I tried not to gag.

A gunshot cracked sharply outside the house and the zombie jerked violently, blood spraying from its mouth and splattering the window. But the zombie didn't fall; the brain hadn't been hit. _Stupid non-nerds_, I thought. _They won't last five minutes._

As the thing turned away from the window, I darted forward to hide behind our brown leather recliner. Cautiously, I peeked over the top of the chair. The zombie was gone. I ran for the stairs, knocking the chair out of the way and slamming the door behind me.

I didn't meet up with my family right away. First, I went into my room and opened my window, popping the screen out of place. I eased out onto the roof and shivered as the brisk wind cut through my flannel pj bottoms and t-shirt. My feet slipped on the slick snow and I almost tumbled off the roof, but I managed to catch myself on the windowsill. _Stupid Iowan winter._

I carefully clambered across the roof to the point that was tallest and closest to the street, directly above my brother's room. Soon my pants were soaked and my hands were bright red. I shivered violently, almost dislodging myself from my precarious perch. Bodies littered the street below me, most of them human and chewed on. The police force was hemmed in against the houses, firing ineffectively at the zombies. _Idiot non-nerds. _"Aim for the head!" I yelled, waving my arms above my head. Stupidly, I sat down on the roof and the snow instantly leeched through the seat of my pants.

One of the policemen looked up at me (I could only imagine what he saw; a young, tousle-haired, bare foot girl in soaking wet pjs screaming at him from onto of the roof) and decided to try it. He took careful aim and squeezed the trigger. There was a sharp crack and a puff a smoke from the gun, and a zombie collapsed like a sack of potatoes. I grinned to myself; being a nerd was finally paying off.

I started to get up to head back to my open window when my feet lost their purchase on the snow that the warmth of my body had turned to slippery slush. My body twisted as I fell and my chest slammed painfully against the roof, driving the air from my lungs. "Crap!" I screamed silently as my fingers scrabbled for purchase on the slick shingles. Finally, the very tips caught and my fall was brought to an abrupt halt. I hung in the air, my weight suspended by the last joints of my fingers. "Don't look down, don't look down," I chanted to myself.

So of course I looked down.

I had my very own entourage of rabid zombies reaching up at me, moaning endlessly. I flailed my numb, bare feet in the air, banging on the glass of my brother's window as I shrieked breathlessly, "Open the goddamn window!" An instant later, I remembered that my brother's window opened outwards, like a book. But it was too late. Someone on the inside was already cranking the window open. I was carried with it until I managed to twist away and I, once again, slammed against the side of the building. I was going to be one giant bruise the next day, but it was a wonder I didn't fall.

Hands grabbed my feet. I started to freak out because for a moment I thought they were cold and dead, and that at any moment I was going to feel teeth bite into my skin like a piece of ripe fruit. But their heat finally seeped into my numb feet and they were gently pulling me inside. Breathing a sigh of relief, I pushed off of the house with my forearms and let go, trying to swing into the room. I was halfway through when my hips struck the sill and I almost tumbled out into open air again. My parents' hands shot out and grabbed my waving arms and yanked me inside. I hit the floor with a thud and let out a long, shuddering breath. If I'd had any luck stars (which I didn't because usually I had the worst luck ever), I would've been thanking them to death.

I pushed myself to my feet shakily and moved to the window, feeling like there was something missing. And there was. "Oh crap. I dropped the gun."

There was a low thud behind me that I assumed was my dad banging his head on the wall. "Now what are we gonna use to protect ourselves?" Zach wondered.

"I'm sure the socks under your bed will do the trick," I said, turning around and heading towards the door. Zach made a disgruntled face at me and a grinned brightly back at him.

"Where are out going?" my father demanded.

"Out," I answered vaguely.

"No, you're not," he growled, reaching for me. I dodged around him and yanked the door open, slamming it behind me.

I went back to my room. There was snow on the floor and cold wind pouring through the window. I slammed it shut then crossed the room and opened my closet, sliding the wood doors back as far as they would go. My closet was a giant, jumbled mess; there was no other way to put it. The blue basket was up-ended, spilling its contents onto the floor, and most of the other smaller bins on the shelves were overflowing with crap. All the jackets and things I never wore had fallen off their hangers and were tangled together in a heap on top of everything else.

I dug through the mounds of stuff and pulled out a simple black jacket. It wouldn't do much to cut the wind, but I didn't want to wear anything bulky. Then I found a black snow hat, thin grippy gloves, and the sharpened crowbar with a leather belt wrapped around on end, knife, and tall combat boots that my parents didn't know I had. I shed my sodden clothes and exchanged them for a pair of cargo pants and a long-sleeve shirt. I put the jacket on over a sheath I had made for the knife. The hilt slanted down towards my hip. The crowbar also had a sheath, one that slung across my back so the curved end (with the leather handle) stuck out over my shoulder. I shoved the hat on my head and pulled on the gloves before tying the boots up over freshly socked feet. I was ready.

I made my way back to Zach's room. The three of them were sitting on his bed and my dad immediately got to his feet as I entered the room. "Where are you going?" he demanded suspiciously.

I smiled at them as comfortingly as I could as I moved towards the window. I glanced out; someone had kindly dealt with the zombies below the window for me. "To find my friends and put together an elite zombie hunting force to try and end this thing!"

My mother stood up and moved next to stand next to her husband. "Enia, don't. You can't do anything. You'll just end up getting yourself killed."

My jaw and fists clenched. Figures they wouldn't believe in me. "I can," I said, my voice catching.

"We're not going to let you go," Dad said.

"Try and stop me," I hissed and leapt out the open window. It was a very dramatic and heroic moment and I planned on finishing it off by landing in a graceful crouch. It didn't exactly work out the way I planned. My foot slid on the blood soaked snow and cracked my head on the sidewalk. Ow…Now, time to go find my friends.

**Me: Hi! Enia here! Yes, me and my friends are the main characters, yes that is actually my house I was describing, yes, I have a brother, no his name isn't Zach. All the humans in this story have had a name change. This chapter was originally going to be longer, but as I was writing it I changed my mind. **

**3/6/12. Approximately two years after this story was originally published Yo! I'm rewriting this (obviously) and the next couple of chapters. All the rewritten chapters will say REWRITTEN at the top. Okey dokey smokey pokey? Leave a review? **


	2. Minka and Onyx

**(REWRITTEN)**

Before I moved out to find Minka, the first of my friends, I grabbed the gun from where it lay on a pile of snow and ran up to the nearest policeman. "How do you load this?" I asked, holding the gun out innocently.

He gave me a weird look as he hesitantly took the gun from my hands. "Miss, don't you think you should stay inside?"

"Probably. But where's the fun in that?"

I watched him closely as he loaded the gun. As soon as he was done, I snatched it from his hands with a word of thanks and took off down my alleyway before he could stop me. I headed towards our yellow shed, gun held at the ready although it felt awkward in my hands. The dial on the lock was frozen. Of course it was. Because that was the way my life worked, wasn't it? I breathed on the lock and rubbed my gloved hands across it until it spun freely. I twirled the dial through the combination. 25…29…8. CLICK. I yanked down on the lock violently. It didn't work on the first try. It _never_ worked on the first try. Rolling my eyes, I tried again and finally managed to get the lock open.

I darted into the dark interior and wheeled out my yellow and black Schwinn. Popping the kickstand up, I hopped on and shoved off, standing on the pedals to get up as much speed as possible. Back up my alley, down E Street, and then a quick right onto the street towards Creekside Park and Minka's house. I almost tipped the bike over as I careened around the corner due to overwhelming centrifugal force (Gah! Math terms!). I dumped the bike on Minka's front yard behind a squat pine tree, not bothering to take the time to set up the kickstand.

I looked around for a way into the house because really, where was the fun in knocking on the front door? I spotted the large tree that stood just to the side of their property. Some of the branches reached out over the roof. I shot up the tree like a squirrel and dashed across one of the limbs, getting as far out as I could before leaping off. I hit the shingles and stumbled, collapsing to one knee. Lucky me that there roof wasn't that steep else I would've tumbled off.

I clambered carefully over the roof to Minka's second story window. I lay down on the shingles, poked my head over the edge, and popped the screen out of place with my knife then tugged the window open, all the blood rushing to my head. I scrambled to my knees and slid into the room, tumbling over the dresser and landing on the floor with a thump. "Minka!" I hissed loudly.

An incoherent mumble from the shape on the low bed. I nudged it with my toe. "Minka! Wakey wakey eggs and backey!"

…Don't ask what that was about.

She rolled away from my foot. "Wake up, Minka!" I yelled, jumping up and down on the edge of the mattress. "It's Christmas morning! Come see what Santa's left you!"

…Don't ask about that either.

"Go away," she grumbled.

"You're going to miss all the fun! Me 'n Onyx are gonna go off and have a giant awesome adventure without you and eat aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the kumquats!"

(Let's just say that the early morning was catching up with me and leave it at that, okay?)

"Whatever." She rolled to the far side of the bed.

Finally, I got fed up and started to sing in a very loud and off-key voice. "LALALALALALALALA–!"

"What?" Minka snapped, opening one eye to glare at me.

"Finally! I've been trying to wake you up for, like, a millennium! Hurry up and get up!"

"What the hell, Enia?" she demanded, pushing herself up into a crumpled sitting position.

"Psh, what the hell, Minka?" I replied, mimicking my friend Onyx's favorite retort.

She rolled her eyes, obviously not amused with my antics. "What do you want?"

"Oh right, that. There's been a," I paused for emphasis and threw my arms in the air, "zombie outbreak! You, me, 'n Onyx are gonna form a kickass zombie hunting force and take dem zombies down!"

"And this required getting me up at 6:30 in the morning, why?"

I stared at her disbelievingly. "You're kidding, right? You know, I'm surprised you weren't already up with all the gunshots and terrified screams. I sorta expected that from _Onyx_, but from you…"

"I was up late."

"I don't doubt it. But hurry up and get dressed, sturdy clothes."

Grumbling, she did as she was told and when she was ready we hurried downstairs and outside. Her parents didn't try to stop us; just said goodbye and good luck. "Get your bike," I said as we jumped down the front steps, the wind whispering through our hair. She nodded and ran around to the back. I waited impatiently by my ride. Soon we were mounted up and heading back up the street, making our way to Onyx's house.

The moans began again as we whipped down the street. They were staggering out from the gaps between the houses on our left. Curious, I tipped my bike towards one, a man missing half his face, and pulled my crowbar from its sheath. I slashed the top of its head off as I rode by. The crowbar stuck for a moment and I was almost yanked off the bike, but then the skull gave way and I was free. I looked back at it once, surprised that killing it had been so…so…_unfeeling_. I thought that I would have felt remorse or guilt or sorrow or _something_, but there was nothing. A zombie was just a shell, a body with no soul. It seemed to me that we were doing them a favor. And keeping them from hurting anyone else. Shaking my head, I turned my attention back to the road.

The ride to Onyx's was on the longer side, but we didn't encounter any other problems. I watched the Oakland Cemetery rush by, wondering what the Black Angel thought of what was going on. The Angel was kind of like the guardian of the cemetery and the town, but most people saw her as shrouded in suspicion and myth. (Look it up. It's very interesting).

Minka and I dumped our bikes on Onyx's drive way and I glanced over at my friend. "Ready?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I dunno. I was just checking to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine. Let's go," she said shortly. Fine then, last time I try to have a heart to heart.

I carefully opened the door and we made our way inside. All was quiet; the outbreak hadn't made it to this part of town yet. The living room was dimly lit by the moon and the streetlights streamed in through the blinds on the windows, giving the room an ominous look that was omniscient of a horror movie and I was all too aware of the situation we were in.

_Enia, turn around,_ a voice whispered in my head.

"Hey, Enia?" Minka said tensely.

"What?" I turned around. "Oh shit."

Staggering towards us was a zombie with its throat torn out; a silent killer. It was only a few feet from Minka and reached for her hungrily. I shoved her out of the way, put the shotgun to its head, and pulled the trigger. The sound was deafening and the shock jolted my arm painfully. For a moment, I thought I had dislocated it. The zombie crumpled to the ground, its face blown clean away. I was glad that I hadn't seen who it had been; I didn't want to know. Sounds of movement came from the upstairs bedrooms. So much for stealth. "Onyx, get down here!" I called.

"Who is it?" I heard her disgruntled voice call. "And what the hell do you want?"

"It's Minka and Enia, and you don't know how close you were do being chow," I replied.

Onyx slouched out of her room and peered down the stairs at us. "Chow for what?" Any mention of food interested her.

"Zombie chow," Minka answered. "Look at this."

Onyx clattered down the stairs and stood beside us, staring down at the harmless corpse in fascination. "Holy shit, Enia was right." She paused. "Damn, it's ugly."

"That's what I said!" I agreed.

"So, let me guess," Onyx said before I could continue. "You want us to form an elite zombie hunting force and head out to save the world, right?"

"It's like you read my mind."

"No, you've just rambled about it for the past three years."

"True that. So, will you join us?"

She shrugged. "I've got nothing better to do."

"Cool. Go get some weapons." For some reason, Onyx had a bunch of random machetes. "And whatever else you think you might need."

"Grab a weapon for me to," Minka added. "I ain't got nothing yet."

"Don't have anything yet," I mumbled automatically. Minka rolled her eyes at me. What? I was a writer. Stuff like that bothered me.

Onyx's mother came out of her room. "What's going on? Where are you going?" She sounded worried.

"Out," Onyx said easily. "To save the world from decimation and all that jazz."

"Don't worry," I added. "We'll be perfectly safe; we know what we're doing."

"Do we?" Minka asked.

I elbowed her in the side. "Of course we do," I responded, keeping what I hoped was a comforting smile plastered on my face.

"This is something I gotta do," Onyx explained as she headed back up the stairs to her room. "I'm not gonna die, don't worry. Enia knows practically everything there is to know about hunting zombies."

"Now if I just knew how it worked in reality…" I joked. "Kidding," I finished hastily at the look on her mom's face. "I mean, how hard can it be? Aim for the head, pull the trigger, and don't get bit. It's pretty basic stuff."

Onyx was back downstairs five minutes later with a backpack on her shoulders and two machetes. She tossed one to Minka. "So where do we start? You do have a plan, don't you?"

"Erm…sure I do…um…" I muttered.

Onyx shook her head in exasperation. "You have no idea what to do next. Right. This is going to go swimmingly."

"Well, you know me. I don't like planning every step out, things go wrong that way. I'm more of us 'let's do this and see what happens' person." I grinned sheepishly as we picked up our bikes.

Onyx rolled her eyes.

"What if we head back to your house, Enia?" Minka suggested. "There were police hanging out there. We could help them or something."

"Works for me," I said, shrugging.

"Me too," Onyx agreed. "Let's go.

So we did.

**Onyx: HELLO! I'M BACK! I KNOW YOU MISSED ME! :)**

**Me: Onyx, stop writing so large.**

**Onyx: NO! AJKDUOFDJDKLJFDIO! ARE YOU READY FOR THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE?**

**YEAH DIDN'T THINK SO**

**Me: I am so ready. I know more than most people would care to admit they know.**

**Onyx: YAY! WAIT... SOMETHING'S MISSING! MINKA!**

**Me: Yes, we must force her to talk. TALK!**

**Minka: What? ...Today I got attacked by a rabid waffle.**

**Me: That's very interesting.**

**Onyx: BWAHAHAHA! HIS NAME WAS GREG. OLD GREG.**

**Me: And then the bell rang and our conversation came to a halt. Parts of it made more sense in the notebook.**

**(3/16/12. Approximately two years after this was originally published). Yay! Rewritten chapter two! Onyx is so awesome in this fic… Hey! Do I ever tell you how to pronounce my name? I'm not sure I ever do. It's knee (like the body part) uh (like 'uh, what?'). Knee-uh. Enia! Onyx calls me NeeNee sometimes. Sooooo yup! Leave a review?**


	3. The First of Many Battles

**(REWRITTEN)**

We made it back to my street without a problem which was awesome for me because I really didn't want to fire the gun again; it was _way_ too weird. There police were there, addressing the public and probably feeding them a ton of bullshit about who the situation was under control, there was nothing to worry about, it wasn't zombies, just some mentally insane people… We arrived just in time to catch the tail end of the chief of police's speech. "And so, once again, I would like to remind you not to panic. Just go back t o your everyday routine. This won't happen again."

It was time to rain on his parade. "What are you _talking_ about?" I shouted suddenly. "Nothing to worry about? This is _so_ something they should be worrying about! Those were zombies! ZOMBIES! Those weren't people who suddenly and unexplainably went insane! I'm pretty sure insanity doesn't cause the sudden and uncontrollable urge to feast on human flesh! And if they were alive like you claim, then how do you explain the fact that they didn't die when you shot them anywhere but the freaking head? Or that they didn't stop moving even after you blasted their limbs of and blew holes in their intestines? Do you have a logical explanation for that? Huh? Do ya?"

He was silent, his face bright red.

"But I _can_ explain it!" I continued loudly, heedless to his rage. "They weren't alive! They were dead! They were infected! They. Were. ZOMBIES!"

The crowd was stunned and staring at us in utter silence. Then, somewhere, a baby began to cry. "Yeah!" Onyx added. "You saw the way they moved! That was the gait of a healthy human!"

The chief of police bent down and whispered something in his lieutenant's ear. The man nodded once and started towards us, pushing through the crowd, probably on his way to shut us up. The crowd was starting to murmur amongst themselves. We'd gotten through to them. They were beginning to doubt the blatant lies that the police had fed them.

"This proves were right!" I yelled, pointing right at the man who was making his way towards us. "The police are trying to shut us up because we know the truth!"

"Why don't you just admit it, you idiots?" Minka demanded. "We're right and you're wrong."

Then came the moan. Sorry, correction. Then came the _moans_. Plural. "We've got company," I whispered to my friends. The police man walking towards us froze, all the blood draining from his face. Someone in the crowd screamed and the rest of them began to panic. I registered that my family was looking out of the window of my brother's room, watching the confrontation. Watching me almost get arrested. Watching my certain death coming towards me. Then the police were drawing their pistols and riot batons. "Those riot batons ain't gonna do shit," I told them shortly. "They don't have enough crushing power and they'll break really easily."

The chief glared at me. I don't think he liked being told he was wrong by a teenage girl.

I shrugged. "Just saying. But hey, if you wanna die, go ahead and use those. Be my guest."

"Give me the shotgun, Enia," Onyx said. "And go bash in some heads."

"With pleasure," I grinned, handing her the hellish gun in exchange for her sharp machete.

"If you use that, I'll put you under arrest," the chief said, his voice quivering.

I ignored him. I was trying to save his sorry ass. He'd see that I was right soon enough. The zombies were staggering down the streets and out from between the houses. There were hundreds of them, more that I thought possible in such a short amount of time. "Everybody get to higher ground!" I yelled, not that there was much high ground to be found. But nobody paid any attention to me, and many of them went down in the first few minutes. Most were taken down by the zombies, but a fair number of them were hit by the friendly fire of the panicked police. "Why don't you watch where you shoot those things?" I suggested to one sarcastically as I ran by.

Yes, I'll admit it. One of my biggest dreams since seventh grade was to bash in the head of a zombie. And poke one with a stick while laughing hysterically. That and smash one over the head with a hammer. And as the machete's blade cleaved the top of a head in two and black blood sprayed everywhere, it was everything I thought it'd be…as long as I didn't think about who they'd been. My theories actually worked in practice! But…at the same time it was even more horrifying than any of the books could ever describe it. These were people I knew…had known. They were my neighbors, some were even my friends.

The old lady who lived two doors down from my family staggered towards me; her white hair stained brown and dark red, her face mangled, her clothes ripped and torn. There was the boy my brother used to be friends with and who lived right across the street from us with his stomach torn open and his intestines falling out like streamers from a balloon. There was a man with only half a face; the other half was just bone and brain. And a zombie with only one leg who kept falling over yet still kept coming and coming, desperate for flesh. All of them moaning and all of their eyes dark and soulless.

But ten times worse than all of them combined was the little five-year old who lived two doors down from Minka. His fine blonde hair was mated to his skull. There was only one eye left in its socket, the other dangled by threads and left smears of blood on his face. His cheek was torn away, revealing teeth stained with blood, most of which was probably not his own. His bright red rain jacket was stained an even brighter red and ripped on one arm, revealing a limb that was just bone, the flesh completely eaten away by his creator. His dark blue jeans were stained with dirt and blood. And his little kid sneakers were still flashing on his dead feet.

And I killed him, or, released him if I want to feel better about it. The left side of his head was released from the rest and slid to the ground to land with a plop, quickly followed by the rest of his body.

**Me: Sorry, I have to go take an emotional break - I won't cry but... right, I'm gonna go work on a different fanfiction. I'm gonna put up this chapter and come back and work on it... later.**

**(3/22/12 Approximately two years after this fic was originally published) Well, that was a kind of disturbing chapter, wasn't it? I didn't change it a lot, but it's still better. Who's excited for the release of the Hunger Games movie? I know I am!**


	4. The End of the First of Many Battles

**Me: Okay dokey, I am back. Sorry about that and the month long break that I took. I was competing in NaNoWriMo. So here we go! Let's see... where did I leave off last?**

**(REWRITTEN)**

The fight ended with a couple of inevitable casualties among the human cops, but Onyx, Minka, and I had escaped unscathed. We stood amongst the carnage, weapons propped on our shoulders, with the police chief glaring daggers at us. Minka used what I called her 'Uber Minka Glare' right back at him. The cop's nerve failed and he looked down at the blood-soaked street. "You three are going to have to come with me," he said hesitantly.

"On what authority?" Onyx demanded defiantly.

"Yeah," I added. "You can't arrest us. We just saved your sorry asses."

What I could see of the man's face darkened. "On the president's authority."

Psh. Yeah right. I rolled my eyes. "Let's see a warrant then."

The police officer glanced at the man to his right. The other gave an almost unperceivable not and moved to speak to the obviously lower-ranked officer next to him. Ah, chain of command. The higher-ups never wanted to get their hands dirty. "On your guard, guys," I whispered quietly to my friends. They nodded and shifted into subtle ready positions. But the cops were already behind us. Rough canvas bags were shoved over our heads and a strange, sweet-smelling gas filled them. How did they have access to stuff like this? I tried to hold my breath, but it was too late. The gas was already in my lungs. _Crap_, was the last thing that ran through my head before I lost my grip on consciousness.

**Me: Well, that was a very short chapter. Don't judge it, Non-Existent Readers, don't you dare judge it. If you do I will hunt you down and make you cut your toenails. Fear my powers! Fear them! Well, see ya.**

**(4/1/12 Approximately two (right?) years after this was originally published). Wow, I'm really weird, aren't I? But I will! I will come and cut your toenails if you do not review!**


	5. Breaking Out of a Government Facility

**(REWRITTEN)**

The voice that had resided in my head since I was about twelve tried to gently prod me into consciousness. But I just grumbled mentally, slammed a door in his face, and rolled over. He said my name again, but it was muffled by my mental door. So I continued to ignore him. But then he yelled. It was louder than everything I'd ever heard before. Normally, his shout was just a shade louder than my normal thinking voice, but today it was like a _freaking_ drum! _ENIA SILVERSON, YOU WAKE THE FUCK UP OR SO HELP ME I WILL COME OVER THERE AND HURT YOU!_

Oh my aching frontal lobe. That certainly woke me up. But I was also pretty sure that it gave me brain damage.

"I'm up, I'm up!" I yelped, bolting upright in bed. Wow, that was the weirdest dream I'd ever had. Zombies. Getting kidnapped by the government. Ha. I really needed to lay off the horror books. But then I noticed that the bedsheets were starchy and uncomfortable and a bright white color, not orange. I looked around, confused. The strange room was a clean, uniform white. And everything in it. The four drawer dresser with the mirror on top. The table beside the thin twin bed I was sitting in. The door. The tiled floor.

I shoved the (white) blanket off my legs and swung them off the bed. The tiled floor was cold beneath my feet. I realized that I was wearing a pair of white pajama bottoms and a plain white t-shirt. They were both uncomfortable and really ugly. Ugh, there was way too much white in the room. I glanced in the mirror briefly, my face was too pale and my hair mussed up, without really noticing anything. _Look again, Enia_, my mental friend commanded.

_What?_ I asked and looked back again, studying myself more carefully. I let out a long shriek of delight. I. Was. Me! Okay. So. Explanation time. My two friends and I, well, we weren't exactly human. I was an elf, Onyx a horse, and Minka…was something we weren't entirely sure about. For the longest time (meaning our whole lives) we'd thought we had just been human. Then, we found out we weren't. But we still weren't able to regain our true forms. The voice in my head's name was Samik; he was my best friend in my home realm. For so long, the Human Realm (aren't the names so unique?) had been cut off from the rest and so we hadn't been able to see each other. The reason for the block was long, but the jist of it was simple.

Long ago, and I'm talking about 500 A.D. here, the human king got extremely pissed at all the magical creatures because the demons (species, not creatures from hell) were trying to take over the realm. The king decided it was the rest of the magical creatures fault and he decided that he didn't want them in his realm any more. So he used something called the Rite of Banishment to force them to leave. He died. But, as with all magic, the seal couldn't last forever. The humans were convinced that the 2012 phenomenon was going to be the end of the world. It wasn't, it was just the day the block on the portals broke down. It also allowed us to regain our true forms. Hoorah to that!

Curious, I held my hand up before my eyes and wiggled my fingers; fire curled up in the center of my palm and danced in place, flickering. I grinned…and threw it at the door. The fireball gathered size and speed as it traveled through the air and by the time it reached the door, it was the size of a large beach ball. The fire exploded against the door and I pounced forward, ready to leap through the opening. Instead I smacked my nose against the super-heated metal. The stupid door was fire-proof and probably steel reinforced. The only damage I'd managed to do was mar the uniform whiteness. I did get a small amount of pleasure from that.

There was a loud thump on the other side of the door. Probably the guard getting angry at me for causing disturbance and telling me to shut up or suffer the consequences. Like hell I would. "Hey!" I yelled as loudly as I could, banging on the still hot metal with my fists. "Lemme out!"

"Shut up!" was all I got in reply.

Fine. I'd let myself out.

I bent over to examine the door. It was obviously made of some kind of steel and the white stuff was just paint. From tapping on it, I could tell that it was thick and that I'd never be able to break through it. It seemed that the hinges were the weak point. I fingered one; it was screwed in tight but a quick blast of swirling fire took care of it in a jiffy. I pulled the screw out and allowed it to fall to the floor with a clatter.

I started to work on the second one and soon I was yelping with surprise as I had to catch the door as it tried to squash me. I stumbled back and let it tumble to the side, grunting with the effort. The guard gave a shout of surprise as I leapt out the opening, grabbed him by the throat (effectively silencing his shout), and slammed him to the floor. I really didn't want to kill him – after all, he hadn't personally done anything to me – so I left him there, unconscious.

I stood up and hurried down the hallway, stopping at an unguarded door that was about fifteen feet down from mine. I wondered briefly if one of my friends was inside, but there were no windows to look through. There also was no guard standing beside the door like there had been outside my room, so I figured it was unlikely that the room held anything of intrest.

Shrugging, I left the door and ran down the rest of the hallway. Everything was silent and it made me suspicious. You could say that my Spidey Sense was tingling. As I got close to the corner, I slowed down and slid into a crouch. I peeked carefully around the wall and jumped back in surprise as a guard walked by, three feet in front of me. Luckily, the man passed without noticing me and turned at the next crossway he came to. I stood up and jogged down the hall he had just come from.

It appeared to be some kind of science wing. Cabinets of assorted bottles of pills and boxes of syringes lined the hallway, leading up to a heavily locked door. There were posters of different kinds of anatomy and chemical structures on the walls and I even saw a white lab coat hanging from a hook. There was also a single potted plant. Nice try, corrupt government facility. You're plan to make the creepy looking mad scientist hallway look more homey failed utterly.

I took a careful step forward and was almost immediately yanked back. A warm hand clamped over my mouth and something hard and round was jammed into my lower back. "Resist and die," a male voice growled in my ear. Wisely (for once in my life), I obeyed. My captor shoved me forward, towards the door at the far end of the hall, keeping a firm grip on my face. I was tempted to bite him, but I really didn't want my spine blown in two. The door opened and I was shoved inside, and there was a loud thud behind me before I had a chance to turn around.

Then the moans started.

I leapt back and pressed myself against the wall, but no nightmare came staggering out of the darkness to rip my face off. I clicked my fingers and tossed a small fireball into the center of the room so I could see what the hell was happening.

I was standing on some kind of balcony high above the actual floor which was _swamped_ with zombies. They stared up at me, their jaws slack and open, emanating that horrible moan, their eyes lifeless and filmy, their arms reaching desperately. I was safe where I was and I was planning on staying there. But no. The forces that apparently are decided they were going to throw me into the fire. The balcony gave a lurch, almost throwing me over the rail-free edge, and began to slowly descend. Oh crap. I jerked my head as a little shrug. If I was going to die, I was going to do it my way; with a fight.

Taking a running start, I leapt of the balcony and into the air, fire curling from my fingers. It developed into a giant swirling vortex around me as I landed on the far side of the room, adrenaline pounding through my veins along with a bit of excitement; I was doing _magic_! The vortex turned into a giant ball between my outstretched hands and I thrust it away from me with all my strength. It collided with the wall. The wall exploded in a violent shower of rock, steel, and dust. I grinned; I loved fire.

Then the zombies were coming at me from all sides, nearly blocking me from my escape route. There was little time to think, but the roots of a very stupid plan took hold in my mind. I took off running towards the hole and the straggly line of zombies, and, with a quick thrust of my fist, the earth beneath my feet lifted and I was flung haphazardly into the air. Flailing and yelling (partly with terror but partly with exhilaration), I somehow managed to land on the charred ledge of the hole in the wall. I glanced back at the zombies; they were crowding the room below and trying desperately to reach me, but the hole was too high. I decided to help them a little.

I created a ramp from the ground to me so the zombies could follow me on a little romp through a government facility. They staggered after me, stomping all over each other and pushing and shoving others out of the way, and I jumped out into the hallway I had just come from. The soldier who had jumped me was still there, now wearing a shocked expression on his ugly mug. I grinned at him. Take that, sucker. His gun came out and began to fire. I flung myself to one side and set a fireball spinning towards him with a casual flick of my wrist. It struck him in the chest and rammed him against the wall. I didn't feel bad about knocking him out, but I also didn't want him to get eaten by the zombies. I hid the man beneath an earthen tent.

Then I ran because the hallway as beginning to fill up with ravenous zombies with one target; me. On my skidding, graceless run down the hall (seriously, who uses _that_ much wax?), I spotted a box set into the wall with a little red lever in it. It was too bad it wasn't mark 'Do not pull'. I skidded to a halt and stared at it, another hare-brained scheme coming to me. I smashed the glass and pulled the little red lever. An alarm began to ring, obnoxious and overly assertive. Soldiers poured out of the rooms along the entire hallway as each door opened automatically. Their instinctive response was to begin firing at the mob of zombies, giving me time to get away without them trying to apprehend me. "Toodles!" I called back to them, but they couldn't hear me above the roar of the guns and the zombies' hungry moans.

I slid around a corner, bare feet sliding in the copious amounts of wax, into a hallway free from soldiers and collided head-on with Onyx. "Oi!" I yelped. "Oh, hey."

"What did you do?" was the first thing out of her mouth.

Hmph. Not even a hello. "Oh, you know. Let some zombies out and pulled a fire alarm. Where's Minka?"

Onyx shrugged. "Don't know. I haven't seen her yet. She's in here somewhere."

"Then let's go fine her," I said, grinning. We took off side by side, hoping Minka would be somewhere nearby.

**(7/28/12 nearly, oh I don't know, let's just say a long time) And then I got Writer's Block and stopped writing for about a year or so, skipped an entire part, and came back! And the story got a whole hell of a lot weirder. I think this is the last chapter I'm going to rewrite. Enjoy the rest of EZHF. Leave a review?**


	6. In Madison, Wisconsin

**Sorry, had _no_ idea what to write. This may seem a little abrupt.**

We made it out in one piece, luckily, but it was close. My fire had spread, you see, and although it destroyed all of the zombies it all also blocked off most of the exits. We found Minka running down one of the hallways and we took off together. The guards paid us no mind; they were to busy running around and screaming for their mommies.

We got out through the front door as fire trucks began to pull up, and we were able to slip away in the pandemonium. Now we were just wandering the streets, our bare feet dirty, our clothes singed, wondering what to do.

We started throwing ideas around about what to do next. "Let's contact Max Brooks," was my idea.

"Doesn't he live in, like, New York?" Onyx asked skeptically.

"Ah shit."

"Why don't we just leave everybody to die?" Minka asked. "They're all idiots anyways."

I looked at her angrily. "They aren't _all_ idiots, you just think they are."

Minka mumbled something under her breath.

We turned onto yet another unfamiliar street and froze. There was a dark unmoving siloheuette in front of us and a rank smell in the air. We began to back away as slowly as we could when it emitted a low unearthly moan. I looked around for some kind of weapon; all I saw was an old two by four. I scooped it up even though I knew it wouldn't do to much good. The zombie was lurching towards us now. "Get behind me, guys," I muttered to my friends. They obliged.

_Jesus Christ, Enia, you're an idiot._

"What?" I asked the voice in my head.

_ARE YOU A FUCKING ELF OR NOT!_

Oh, right, heh, guess I forgot about that.

I clapped my hands together and two bricks flew out of the buildings on either side of the zombie, completely crushing its head. "Hey, does this mean I can change into a giant ass-busting horse now?" Onyx asked eagerly.

"I donno, why don't you try?"

Minka and I watched as Onyx wiggled her nose back and forth in concentration. A flicker of... I can only describe it as something ran through her body. Then the tall orange-haired girl was gon and in her place was a fiercly magestic horse. Onyx was now way taller than us and jet black, with a fire-like mane and tail. Her huge hooves were long and razor sharp but she didn't have any of her super demonic armor from the Horse Realm. "Ha ha ha!" she laughed. "I'm finally taller than you!" The height issue was one of our many constant disputes. Until about eighth grade she'd been the taller one and then I'd been about an eighth of an inch taller. It was a fact that had annoyed her to no end.

"Shut up," I told her, pretending to pout.

"Hey, don't tell the giant - _taller than you_ - horse with the razor sharp hooves to shut up; I'm pretty sure it's not good for your health."

I stuck my tongue out at her.

"This is great and all," Minka interuppted, looking at us like we were idiots, "but you should probably change back; we don't want anyone seeing you."

Hmm. Guess she's just jealous that she still looks human and she doesn't know what her powers are.

Onyx reluctantly changed back.

_Hey Enia, come to Creekside._

_'K._

"Hey guys, Samik wants us to go to Creekside."

Onyx looked like she was about to say sometihng mean about the two of us but I glared at her and mentally threatened to kill her if she did. I don't know if it actually worked or not, but she didn't say anything.

"Does anybody know where we are?" she asked instead.

I shrugged.

Minka shrugged.

This invisible boy beside me shrugged.

My pet Pikachu shrugged.

"Let's get out of this alley first," Onyx suggested. "That zombie smell is making me want to puke."

**XXX**

About fifteen minutes later we were somewhere populated but still not familiar. There was a news stand to our right. "You know," I said as we walked up to it, "I've never actually seen a news stand before."

"Me neither," Onyx agreed.

Minka didn't say anything.

I picked up a newspaper and opened it. The first thing I noticed was the date; December 23, 2012. The secdond thing I saw was the location. "Shit, we're in Wisconsin." **(A/N Random unrelated tidbit! Madison is where my brother's gonna go to college next year!)**

"That's, like, eight hours away from Iowa City, right?" Onyx asked.

I nodded.

"Guess we'd better hitchike," Minka said, "seeing as how we don't have and money and all."

I smiled at the guy and set the newspaper down. We turned around and somebody screamed. Out of one of the streets a bloody zombie was staggering. It was a female, a business lady by the look of her clothes, and she was still pretty fresh. You would've just thought she was drunk... except for the large bloodstain across her front. "Look out!" I yelled unneccasarilly; people were already screaming and running away. All except for a small child. He had tripped over the lip of a fountain and fallen in and was now unable to move.

I felt the air ripple as Onyx transformed beside me and we knew what our plan was without talking. She took off after the zombie, rearing up and slashing at its face, and I ran at the boy. I leapt into the fountain, shivering as the ice water hit my feet (okay, it's winter in Wisconsin and there's snow on the ground. Why the fuck don't we have shoes?) and scooped up the boy. He clung to me, shaking , as I jumped out of the fountain. I looked around for Onyx. "Onyx, stop playing around and finish the damn thing!"

Onyx laughed before smashing the z's head in.

The boy's mother ran up to me and held her arms out for her son. I handed him over and she instantly set about cooing over him. A crowd was staring and beginning to form so I called Minka and Onyx over and we quickly got the hell out.

We got on a road we hoped was the right one and started walking. "We need a name," I said.

"Why?" Minka asked.

I ignored her. "We could be the Triforce! There's three of us, it works! You'll be Power," I pointed to Onyx, "'cause you're the most powerfully viscious and 'cause Dinh's the goddess of fire and you're the Fire Ring." I pointed at Minka next. "You can be Wisdom, 'cause you don't stupidly run into situations like me 'n Onyx do." Then I cocked my thumb at myself. "And I'll be Courage 'cause Farore is a Forest Goddess and I'm the Forest Ring. It fits perfectly!"

Onyx punched the side of my head. "How about no. We're not all Zelda freaks like you, Enia."

"Well we need a name."

"What about what you _named_ this stupid story?" Minka asked. "E.Z.H.F."

"But that's so boring!" I complained.

"Well since we don't have anything _better_..."

"Fine, fine," I grumbled.

And so the Elite Zombie Hunting Force was born.

**Samik: And Enia's nerdyness comes out.**

**Me: Shut up. Don't make me sic my Pikachu on you.**

**Samik: Oh no, I'm so afraid.**

**Me: You should be. You should _tremble_ in fear.**

**Samik: Sure Enia, sure.**

**P.S. Oh yeah, Onyx, (if you're reading this) if I got your description wrong tell me and I'll fix it in the next chapter.**

**Samik: P.P.S. Also, I don't really swear that much.**

**Me: Or do you?**

**Samik: I don't.**


	7. HitchHiking

We were meandering down the highway with our thumbs out when a small red compact car slowed down beside us. A middle aged man rolled the window down. "You kids need a ride?" he asked. He looked well-dressed, a salesman or teacher maybe, and a women sat in the seat next to him. She looked nervous.

"Yes please," I said gratefully.

"Hop in."

I opened the door and the three of us slid in. Me first, then Onyx, and finally Minka. We spelled MOE! I unobstructly pulled my feet up under my legs so they wouldn't notice my bare feet. My friends followed suit. The driver started the car back up. "Where're y'all heading?"

"Iowa City," I answered.

"Really? Haven't you heard about all the crazy shit that's goin' on there?"

"Greg," his wife chided, "language."

"No," I lied innocently, "what kind of trouble?"

"That's the thing," Greg said, "no one really knows. Those damn government folk are doin' a pretty good job coverin' it all up. They told the press it was some kinda freak disease, but there's all this crap all over the Internet." Greg lowered his voice. "They're saying it's zombies. Crazy, huh?"

I glanced over at Minka and Onyx; they said nothing, letting me control the situation. "Yeah," I forced a nervous laugh. "Crazy."

Greg's wife leaned over and whispered in his ears. My super elfin hearing picked up her words. "Greg, honey, are you sure this is a good idea? We don't know anything about them; look at the way they're dressed." We did kind of look like we'd escaped from some institution.

Greg waved her concern away, not paying attention to the road. But I was and I saw it an instant before we hit it.

We slammed into something and it was hurled over the top of the car before we could get a good look at it, leaving a strange yellow smear across the windowshield. Greg yelled and stopped the car. His hand was on the door handle and he was about to get out and find what he'd hit like any good American would. "Stop!" I yelled before he could. He froze. "Keep driving."

Greg didn't move and I glanced frantically out the back window. The thing we'd hit was starting to stagger to its feet. "Move!" I shouted. Greg's foot hit the gas and the car shot forward. After about twenty feet I changed my mind and told him to stop. "Raise the sun-roof." He did and I stood up, poking the top half of my body out. The zombie was staggering towards us. I shaped my hand into a gun and took aim. Then I fired a small bullet of flame from the ends of my two fingers. The zombie crumpled to the ground. I sat back down. "Okay." Greg glanced at me nervously as he restarted the car.

"What did you say your names were?" he asked.

"We didn't," I said simply.

"You know what," Greg's wife said suddenly, "stop the car. We're not going anywhere until you answer our questions." Greg obediantly stopped the car and his wife turned around in her seat to stare at us piercingly. "Who are you really?"

"Um..." I glanced and Onyx and Minka for help. Onyx shrugged.

"Just drive, lady," Minka siad, glaring fiercely at her.

The lady didn't back down. "Tell me or get out."

"My name is Enia Silverson," I said slowly. "This is Onyx Aurora and that's Minka... Farfetch'D." What? It was the first thing that popped into my head; we don't actually know Mink's last name. But it sounded good.

"What kind of names are those? They're obviously fake."

"They aren't," Onyx said. "You just gotta believe us."

"Then why are you going to Iowa City when most people are heading _away_ from it?"

"We live there," I answered. "We were there when it happened."

"Why are you out _here_?"

"Erm... it's kinda hard to explain. We were trying to tell the idiot cops that they weren't alive anymore, that they were just zombies but they wouldn't believe us. There was a giant mob of zombies and we managed to take them out, but then, well, I guess the government stepped in and the next thing we knew we were in these freakishly wihte rooms."

The two adults looked had gone pale at the mention of zombies. "That still doesn't explain why you're going back," the wife - I'm going to call her Irma, okay? - asked.

"'Cause it's our job," Onyx answered for me.

"What do you mean?"

"Shit," I gasped suddenly. I had been looking out the window at the green hills when a group of them staggered over the top of one. I quickly got out of the car. "Barron Mead," I whispered. A long, glowing sword with a blue ribbon of energy wrapped around the blade appeared in my hand. Onyx got out and followed me, transforming mid-step as we strode at the zombies. They were staggering straight towards us, arms raised, moans emmanating.

I ducked around the first one and sliced through its skull and kicked another zombie away from me as Onyx's hoves smashed through the skulls of two at once. I reduced the head of another to ash and crushed the nose of another deep into its brain. That left five. Wait, strike that, make it three. Onyx just trampled a couple. A zombie stumbled at me and I swayed back to avoide it. "Onyx, get back!" I yelled and flicked my middle finger at the last of the zombies.

I'm kind of a pyro. That's why I love a certain bending move called the Finger Flick. You see, it causes a giant-ass explosion, the biggest explosion in that beats any other explosion, ever. (and I like the word explosion) It was enough to utterly decimate the last of the zombies, and carv a giant crater through the landscape of Wisconsin. :D

Onyx changed back and we slapped five before turning and heading nonchalantly back to the car. I could see two adult faces staring out of a window at us in shock. Suddenly one disappeared and a few moments later Minka got out of the car and a started walking towards us. The car's engine started and it tore away, leaving black skid marks behind. "Hey!" I yelled, taking a couple of steps after them. I quickly stopped though; I knew it was futile.

Minka stoppped beside us. "They kicked me out, said we were freaks."

"Well we kinda are," I said.

"But that shouldn't matter!" Minka yelled. "It shouldn't matter that we're different!"

"You're right," I agreed, "it shouldn't. But it does, and we just have to deal with it." I clapped my hands together decisivly. "Here's what we're gonna do. We'll get human weapons so we don't attract even more attention, and people will actually appreciate it when we save their asses."

"Uh, Enia...?" Onyx said and pointed two things out to me. The first wa a giant mob of zombies, the second was a fleet of helicopters. It looked like we'd attracted the attention of a hungry mob of zombies... and the U.S. government. This should be fun.

**Me: Warning! This may or may not be the last chapter for about two weeks, we'll see how things go. (I have an Orchestra Camp. :D)**


	8. Zombies and the Military

"Ain't this gonna be fun!" I crowed happily as we stared at the zombies pouring out of the woods around us.

"One could say that," Onyx said. She had transformed back into her horse form. The whirring of the helicopter grew louder and soon I couldn't hear anything but the moans and the chopping.

"Time to cause some chaos," I said to myself and got ready to have some fun.

My theory when fighting something is when in doubt, blow something up. It works wonders, especially when you have major-ass Writer's Block. It's also just fun to watch stuff explode.

I brought my hands out from behind my back with my middle fingers cocked against my thumbs. I flicked them. At first nothing happened, then... ! Two giant fireballs exploded/imploded (don't ask, that's just how the Finger Flick rolls) simultaneously in the midst of the zombies, expanding and wrecking havoc. "Having fun?" Onyx smirked.

"Oh, very much." My foot struck something hard in the grass. I looked down; it was a hammer. I grinned as I scooped it up, a brilliant idea forming in my mind. I spotted a zombie that somehow had its back to me. I leapt into the air screaming, "SMASH OVER THE HEAD WITH A HAMMER!" moments before the hammer's head crushed a hole in the zombie's rotting skull.

I heard a thud from behind me and whirled around, on the defensive. But there was no need. The thud had been a zombie hitting the ground hard, a sharpened metal pipe through its head. But there was nobody near me. Then I noticed Minka. She was standing with her legs shoulder width apart and her eyes focused down in a glare. Stuff was flying out of the grass all around her and hovering in the air. They sharpened themselves then flew at any zombie in sight. I ducked under a piece of wood. "Just don't hit us!" I yelled.

Minka didn't acknowledge me.

I closed my eyes (probably a bad idea considering the situation but hey, I'm not known for having any common sense) and began pooling my energies into my palm. My eyes popped open and I thrust my hand out; a long jet of fire errupted from my palm, incinerating the zombies in front of me. I swayed back as a female zombie lunged at me, her eyeball haning from a thread. I placed my hand against her temple as I stepped aside and shot a small blast of fire into her brain, ending her.

_Enia, you might want to look down,_ Samik warned.

I did as he bid, and saw a small green object lying in front of me. I hadn't noticed it fall. I threw myself into the air and was only ten feet away when it exploded.

Rapidly, I formed a swirling ball of air around my body, but the blast still sent me hurtling through the air, out of control. "Shit!" I yelled eloquently as I frantically tried to right myself. Then, even more eloquently as it didn't work and I fell towards the waiting arms of the dead. "Fuck!"

I twisted my body around and blasted fire from one hand, hoping to get rid of the threat, and air from the other, hoping to push myself away. Neither really worked. If anything the flames just made things worse; now I was heading straight for hungry, _flaming_ zombies. _What I wouldn't give for a Sozin's Comet,_ I thought. _Then I could easily get out of this._

I was inches from death when something grabbed my shirt from above. I opend one eye cautiously. I was only inces away from the reaching hands. I was pulled up and I took a look around. Onyx and Minka were holding their own but the size of the mob was steadily attracting more and more. How had the situation gotten so bad?

Hands grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into a helicopter. Military personel stared down at me. "Hey thanks," I said as I started to get up. I was uncerimoniously shoved back down. "Hey, what gives?"

"What are you doing?" one severe lookin army man.

"My job," I answered coldy. I started to get up again. "Now if you'll excuse me..."

Apparently they wouldn't 'cause I was instantly surrounded. "We won't," the man said, matching my cold tone.

"Look," I growled angrily, "my friends are down there and I have to go help."

"We just saved your life, do you really think we're just going to let you jump back into it?"

"Uh, yeah." I turned to the open hatch; there was a line of soliders standing there, guns held loosly as an unspoken threat.

"We can't let you do that," the severe man said again.

"Look," i said in a low, supressed voice, "I'm not your typical teenage girl that you can just push around. I know how to take care of myself and can probably hold my own down there better than all of you, combined." I held up one hand and let a small flame slowly crackle to life in the center of my palm. "I can do things you can't. I can do the impossible. I am more than capable of dealing with that little problem down there."

The general - or that's what I assumed he was - stared at me before saying with no emotion, "Somebody grab her."

I sensed the man coming from behind me and ducked under his arms, elbowing him in the gut and relieving him of his firearm as I did so. I slid through the gap he left and stood at the edge of the hatch. I waggled my fingers at them in good-bye before letting myself fall. I flipped over and fell like a missile. I was positioned over a clear spot. Ten feet from the ground I flipped, landing neatly on both feet. I looke up at the helicopter and smiled before calmly blasting the head of a zombie that was getting to close with my recently acquired toy. The shocked looking faces made me laugh.

"Onyx! Minka!" I yelled as I strode through the now rapidly dwindling number of zombies. "Let's get outta here!"

Onyx glanced over her shoulder. "What? Time to go already?"

"Yeah," I sighed, "and the fun was just getting started too."

"Are the nice military folk gonna give us a ride?"

"No, sadly they are not."

Onyx changed back into a human just long enough to flip them off. I laughed.

Minka came up to us. "What's happening?"

"We're leaving," I answered.

We took off at a run and were quickly out of the great blob of destruction. Behind us a helicopter whirred.

**Me: Okay, I had hoped to get this up before my Orc-Dorc camp but, obviously, that didn't happen. So here it is. It was originially going to be longer but I changed my mind. Also, I'm taking a week's break from writing this so I can work on Purple Tractors. I'll start back up on July 3rd.**

**Here's something you guys might be interested in: it's a book. You know those Choose Your Own Adventure books? Well, I found the mose epic one of all. It's not with the actual series and its writen for adults. Its called _Can You Survive the Zombie Apocalypse?_ The author's Max Brallier. It's epic. (And don't you think it's a little weird that he lives in New York, his first name is Max, his initials are M.B. and he's a great zombie fiction writer? Sound like anybody else you know?) Go check it out then tell me what you think.**


	9. The Chase

I love chase scenes; they make me extremely happy. So you can imagine how I felt to actually be _in_ one. The helicopter's rotors whirred above our heads, they peppered the air around us with bullets, and in the trees I could hear moans. It was great!

I laughed merrily. "You know you'll never catch us!" I yelled to the military folk.

"Are you actually _enjoying_ this?" Onyx asked incredously as she gallped along beside me.

"Sure. Why not?" I asked. I hurtled a stray bush and killed a zombie that was lumbering into our path. "You know what would make this even better? Epic rock music."

"Dear God, no," Onyx said with a roll of her eyes.

"I don't have any epic rock music," I said, pulling a sad face.

"Thank God," Minka muttered.

Bullets ripped through the ground in front of us and I spun around, jumping into the air and suspending myslef there. I used a trick my bud, and Mom (no, my human mother is'nt my biological mom. Duh.) taught me. I pulled the moisture from the air around me and formed it into a long, thin whip. Prizes for anyone who can guess what it's called. Any takers? Going once... going twice... no one? Really? You guys are no fun. It's called a waterwhip, duh.

I cracked it at the helicopter and yanked the gun out of the hands of a surprised solider. "Oi, Minka," I said. "Catch," and chucked it at her.

"What?" she asked as she turned around and caught it one-handed. "Oh. Cool."

"I want one!" Onyx complained.

"Hold your horses," I said. (Tee hee. Get it?) I stole a second gun from the nice officers. "Wait, how're you going to hold it?"

"Right," she said, "hooves, not hands. Uh... I donno. Hold it for me 'till I change back?"

"Got it," I said and slung the gun across my back; I was holding the other one I had... accquired in my arms. I landed back on the ground and caught up.

"Car!" MInka warned and true enough, there was a battered old pick-up truck trundling along the road. How the driver didn't see the zombies pouring out onto the road I have no idea.

"Idea!" I yelled. "Onyx, change back!"

She obeyed and we cut towards the vehicle, mowing down the zombies in our way. The driver saw us and slowed, unrolling his window as he did. It was a younger man in a tank top and straw cowboy hat. "What the fu-" he began.

"Get ready to drive!" I yelled as I threw myself into the truck bed closely followed by my friends. The driver slammed on the gas peddle and the old truck's tires squealed as we shot away. We cut down all the zombies around us and breathed a sigh of relief; the mob was gone. BUt the chop-chop of the helicopter wasn't and neither was the pinging of the bullets. I started throwing boulders at them blindly, hoping to get lucky.

"I now officialy hate the military," Onyx muttered.

"I know, right?" I agreed. "But I like how that guy drove without question."

"Being scared shitless will do that to ya."

A bullet pinged the metal right above my head and I fired a flaming boulder at them in retaliation. "You know, I _really_ don't like being shot at."

"Who does?" Onyx asked.

"Suicidal idiots?" I guessed.

"Good point."

The car bounced jarringly and swerved all over the road. I banged on the floor. "What're you trying to do? Kill us!"

The man in the front swore loudly in response as he tried to right the vehicle. More bullets buzzed through the air around us. "Okay, seriously? This is starting to get really annoying."

"What are you-?" Onyx started but I was already standing up. Somehow I wasn't hit."

"Suck on this!" I yelled and Flicked my fingers. This time the effect was instantaneous. The air in front of the helicopter exploded and the shockwave sent it careening away, relatively unharmed. (I don't want to kill _humans_.) They wisely didn't pursue us further.

What? Sometimes I get annoyed. And that was one of those times.

"What happened to not being a suicidal idiot?" Onyx asked sarcastically as the truck took us all the way home.

**Me: Yeah, yeah, short chapter, I realize. But I'm feeling lazy right now and being in Florida on vacation isn't helping. Here, have a sneak peek author's note for compensation. It's with me and Zeus on the Loose. She's another author on this site and a friend of mine from school. She's pretty cool.**

**Me: Hey Zeus, guess what! You're going to be part of my Elite Zombie Hunting Force!**

**Zeus: Am I supposed to be excited about that?"**

**Me: Yes. We're super cool.**

**Zeus: O.K. Then, like, yay!**

**Me: Wahaha! We're gonna be so awesome! There's me, Minks, Onyx, Samik, Teemo, Arin, and now you!**

**Zeus: Cool! I like all those people... except you.**

**Me: Uh! I'm so offended.**

**Zeus: Don't be. Guess what!**

**Me: What?**

**Zeus: I'm gonna live in a CONDOMINIUM!**

**Me: *snorts***

**Zeus: You snort now, but someday, I'll be the one snorting. Along w/ my BFF Wilbur.**

**Me: ?**

**Zeus: The pig. You know *oink oink* From Charlotte's Web! (Jeez she's slow)**

**Me: Oh yeah, I knew that.**

**Zeus: Riiiiiiiiight. So I get to be part of E.Z.H.F? What does that intail?**

**Me: Busting zombie ass and saving the world.**

**Zeus: Tee hee! Can I wear my princess crown while I bust zombie ass?**

**Me: Of course!**

**Zeus: Yeaah. Well, I don't really want to. I wanna wear a bandit mask.**

**Me: That's awesome too. Will it be a Zorro mask?**

**Zeus: Totally! ZOMG! (Nudge moment)**

**Me: OMZ! (oh my zombie)**

**Zeus: Can we play Comp?**

**Me: Totally! Let's go!**

**Samik: That's gonna be epic.**

**Me: I know, right.**

**Samik: THe seven of us, busting zombie ass.**

**Me: *sighs dreamily* Yeah...**


	10. Creekside Park

When we arrived in Iowa City I was utterly and completey befuddled. I just couldn't figure out what was going on. Out in the wilderness there were giant mobs of zombies, but here you could hardly tell that there had been any kind of problem. I say hardly because there were fewer people on the streets and the few that were, were clutching weapons and staring at every one else suspiciously.

Us especially.

We were a strange sight, I'll admit that. Three bedraggled teenage girls in dirty white pajamas with short sleeves, not coats, and bare feet to boot. We all had fancy weapons slung across our backs and we probably all looked faintly familiar. Luckily no one recongized us. "Let's avoide my house," I said as we began to walk. "I don't think my parents would ever let me leave again."

"Why?" Onyx asked.

"I asked them a couple of years ago if they would let me go out on my own if somethign like this ever happened. They said no."

We walked quickly through the streets and detoured around my house. From there it was a quick shot up Minka's street to get to Creekside Park. There were only three people there, standing together in the grassy football field. Anticipation growing in me, I began to walk faster. One of the figures turned around. He raised a hand in greeting. I broke into a run. "OH MY GOD YOU'RE FUCKING SOLID!" I shrieked as I poked the figure who'd waved as hard as I could.

He grinned. "Nice to see you too, Enia."

I tackled him in a hug, laughing hysterically. I couldn't believe it! I could finally actually _poke_ him after all those years of mental conversations and murmered wishes! I was so goddamn happy it was unbelievable!

I let Samik go, figuring he probably wanted to breath, and took a couple of steps back so I could look at them.

Teemo Silverson. Messy brown, gold specked hair. Deep blue, foever laughing eyes. A mischevious grin. The brown and green clothes of his hometown.

Arin Silverson. Bright orange hair done in her customary pigtails. Brilliant green eyes that reflected the light. The blue clothes of her hometown.

And Samik Brekin. Brown hair that was lighter than Teemo's and worn uncombed. Brown eyes that laughed with me. Brown and green clothes like Teemo's.

"Am I tripping or something?" I aske.d "I don't think I took anything but there might've been that one time last night..."

"Enia," Arin scolded, trying to be stern as Onyx smothered an snort of laughter behind me.

"Kidding, kidding," I assured her. "How'd you guys get here?"

"Portals are open," Samik answered.

"Awesome!" I grinned.

"Where're the zombies?" Teemo demanded. "i wanna bust some zombie ass!" His right hand burst into flame and he cackled evily. Arin whacked him upside the head and he sheepishly put out the fire.

"Not here," I answered. "But don't worry; you'll get to bust some zombie ass soon enough. But we need to get you guys some human weapons first. Turns out humans don't respond well to magical help." I turned to Onyx. "Onyx, you know some good pawn shops that sell swords, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

We followed her through the city and made it to the shop right as the afternoon sun was beginning to fall. We went in with Onyx in the lead and my eye immediatly picked out the weapons. "Ooh, pretty," I murmured as I drifted over. There were double-edged swords of all sizes, elegant katanas, curved blades, daggers, knives, bows, throwing stars, nunchucks, and anything else you could think of. I picked up a simple looking double-edged sword that was about as long as my arm. It had a plain looking hilt but when I picked it up, I could tell it was a sturdy weapon and it would not fail me. Samik came up beside me and ifngered a katana. "So..." he said.

"So..." I agreed. What else do you say when you've found someone you've been waiting for and missing for four years? "Found a name for your Vengeful Mask yet?" The Vengeful Masks had been something we'd created the summer before I'd started high school. They were going to be our tools for dominating the world. Mine was Vengeful Authoress. His majorly needed a new name because Vengeful Samik just doesn't inspire any kind of fear.

He shook his head. "Nope. Teemo thinks I should be Vengeful Kitchen." Teemo has a thing for kitchens, specifically blowing them up.

"That doesn't have any pizazz."

"That's why I told him. Then he suggested Vengeful Explosion."

"That one sounds cool."

"Yeah but I'm not a fire-bender."

"True. Vengeful...Earthquake?"

He looked at me and cocked an eyebrow. "Now you're just grasping for straws."

"Not quite."

But then a giant crash and strangled yell interuppted our conversation. It was Teemo. Of course. He was cackling wildly and wielding a massive broadsword and was fighting Arin who held a thin rapier. They had knocked over an expensive looking vase, getting a shout out of the store owner. "Should we stop that?" I asked.

"Probably. But it's amusing."

"Yeah." So we stood there and watched them break more stuff for about five minutes, holding our chosen weapons in our hands. That got us thrown out of the store. "Fine! Be that way!" I yelled at the quiet building.

"At least we got weapons," Onyx said. She was holding a brutal looking club and Minka had a long, wicked dagger.

"We need one more person," I said suddenly.

"Why?" Onyx asked.

"Well, there are six of us. One more makes seven. Seven is a good number."

"Who then?"

I grinned. "I know just the person..."

**Me: Please! Help us find Samik a good Vengeful Mask name! It's an emergancy! And go check out my profile at ! If you like this story, you'll like the one I'm going to put up over there! I'm called Vengeful Authoress! Make sure to leave me a review! (here and there!)**


	11. Zeus on the Loose

Ah Zeus on the Loose. One of my good friends I met during junior high. She's a fellow Fanfiction Fanatic (dude that sounded cool) and writer nerd. We have so much in common it's kind of scary.

I led my team through the quiet streets, whistling gaily. Behind me Teemo and Arin were bickering about whether or not Teemo was allowed to blow up Zeus's kitchen, Onyx and Minka were chatting about something, and Samik was walking beside me. Everything was peaceful until... "SHINER!" I yelled suddenly and punched Samik in the arm as hard as I could.

He yelped. "Ow! What was that for?" He held his arm and stared at me reproachfully.

I shrugged. "Yellow car."

"I will get you," Samik muttered.

Teemo cackled gleefully from behind us. "Good one, Enia."

"Thanks. SLUG BUG NO SLUG BACKS!" I yelled as I a red bug drove by and I whacked Samik again.

"Ow! Stop it! SHINER!" That time he whacked me.

"Darn it!" I shouted.

"WOULD YOU KIDS SHUT UP?" a crotchety old man yelled from his second floor window. "OR I'M CALLIN' THE COPS!" With that he slammed the window shut. All six of us burst in to gails of giggles.

"Hey Enia," Onyx gasped through her laughter. "Isn't that one," she was pointing at a green house across the street from the old man's, "Zeus's house?"

"Good eye," I said. "Alright. I want to give Zeus a little surprise. Everyone, wait out of sight and when I call you come forward. OKay?" Everyone nodded and melted into the shadows. I left my weapons with them and skipped across the street. Ringing the doorbell, I waited, rocking back and forth on my heels. Zeus's mom answered the door. "Hi," I said brightly. "Is Zeus home?"

She looked puzzled as to why I was there so late but she called up the stairs anyways. "Zeus! Enia's here!"

Zeus came clattering down the stairs. She stopped when she saw me and cocked an eyebrow. I grinned and flipped her a peace sign. "Hey Zeus, how's it hangin'?"

"Hey Enia, what're you doing here?"

"There's someone I want you to meet."

She finished descending the stairs and stood in front of me. "Who?"

I beckoned with one finger. "Come outside." At the same time I called Samik with my mind. He strode across the silent street and stood beside me. I slung one arm over his shoulder and leaned against him like I would a cane. "Zeus meet Samik, Samik meet Zeus."

She stared at him, uncomprehending. "Wait... so you _weren't_ joking?"

"Nope."

"Then you really are..." her eyes flicked up to my ears and I shook my hair back to make it easier for her. "Dude that is so cool!" she yelled. The crotchety old man across the street yelled somehting out his window angrily. We ignored him.

"You already know Onyx and Minka," I continued. The two of them came across the street; Onyx in her horse form. Zeus gasped when she saw them. "And now I'd like to introduce you to the one and only, Teemo and Arin Silverson."

"Wait, do you mean _the_ Teemo and Arin Silverson? From Purple Tractors?"

"The very same."

"I famous!" Teemo cried happily.

Arin introduced herself to Zeus; the only polite one among us. "Anything else you want to tell me?" Zeus asked. She was looking a little pale.

"Only that you're now part of my Elite Zombie Hunting Force."

A grin lit up her face. "Sweet."

And so it was decided. The seven of us, busting zombie ass. What could be better? Nothing could go wrong! It was then that we heard the sirens.

**Me: First off, Zeus, you're name is a bitch to type. Just so ya know. Secondly I would like to thank Zeus on the Loose and David the Scottish Werewolf for their reviews. And I'd like to thank David for his awesome idea. It will come into play soon.**

**Samik: I'm still not sure I like that idea.**

**Me: Who's the authoress here?**

**Samik: You are, but I still don't like it.**

**Me: Stop whining. You know you'll always be the only guy for me.**

**Samik: Aw, thanks Enia.**

**Enia: NOBODY MAKE FUN OF ME FOR THAT LINE! IF YOU DO... FEAR THE WRATH OF MY GIRITINA! But anyways, please leave me a review!**


	12. A New Friend, Sort Of

"Crap," I muttered as police cars came rolling up the street. I noticed Mr. Crotchety Old Man peering out of his window and grinning. I stuck my tongue out at him 'cause I'm just that mature. The cars surrounded us and guess who stepped out of the lead car. That pesky police chief from our first zombie encounter.

He froze when he saw us. "You again."

I sighed and nodded knowingly. "Me again."

He scowled. "Your gang's grown."

I bobbed my head. "Yup."

"I'm going to have to arrest you all."

"For what?" Teemo asked. He yawned widely and rubbed his eyes.

"Those three," he indicated Minka, Onyx, and me, "for resisting arrest and causing public dissent, and the three of you for assisting criminals." He spoke pompously.

Zeus raised her hand. "Question! Does this inclued me 'cause I only just found out about this today."

The police chief nodded. I opened my mouth to say something that would probably get us into even more trouble, but Arin stepped forward and placed her hand on my arm. "I'm sorry, officer, but what exactly did my daughter do?"

His face assumed a shocked expression when Arin said 'my daughter.' For good reason too. Elves have the capability to chose whatever age they want to become immortal at, or if they want to stay mortal and grow old. Arin chose twenty-two, Teemo twenty-four, and I was fifteen.

"Yes," Arin continued, back-pedaling furiously as she realized how insane she'd just sounded. "Because we," she indicated herself and Teemo, "um, saved her from a, uh, bad, uh, parent who was, uh, you know, bad. So we call her our daughter to freak people out." She favored the policeman with a dazzling smile that left him even more stunned than before. I rolled my eyes. Arin slung her arm around my shoulder. "So we'll just be going, okay?" She offered him another smile.

The poor man blinked uncertainly. "Uh..." It was then that the zombie tore the back of his neck out.

Personally, I blame the police for what happened. If they hadn't left their damn sirens on we would've _heard_ the zombie. But no, they had to leave the siren wailing and blasting red and blue light all over the place. It was a fucking _beacon_ for any zombies in the vicinity. So the guy got his spinal cord ripped out. Their fault, not mine. Or maybe, if you really like playing the blame game, you could blame that crochety old man for calling the police here in the first place. And if you kept going back, I suppose you could blame us for being really loud and causing that man to call the police. But technically it was his own choice, we didn't decide it for him. If you wanted to be really technical you could blame who's ever fault the whole zombie outbreak thing was in the first place. Or you could blame the zombie itself. Actually, no you couldn't. The zombie didn't have a choice. Speaking of who caused this whole debacle, I really should find that out... Right. Anyways. Long story short, I blame the police.

Onyx was the first to react. She shifted back to her horse form, kicked the zombie's head in, and changed back in the blink of an eye. The policeman toppled over, still gushing blood, and the zombie collapsed into a rotting heap. "That... was gross," Zeus groaned.

"All in a day's work," I told her. "But be on your toes guys; there could be more of them. And turn those fucking sirens off!" Maybe not such a good idead to swear at the police but what were they gonna do? Arrest us again? Because that worked _so_ well last time.

Someone flicked the blaring sirens off and, as it turned out, I was right! There were more of them! I heard the moan and turned around in just enough time to stagger out of the way as a fat, rotting, dripping corpse lunged at me. My foot caught on the curb and I tumbled to the ground. I scrambled back as the cadaver lumbered towards me, utterly paralyzed with fear. It was a terrifying sight; one hand gone, the flesh of its lower face gone, one eyelid missing so it looked at me with a giant, filmy, bloodshot eye. Shirt tattered, torn, and stained with who knows what. Teeth dirty and chipped to jagged points. My back ran up against a tree and I sat there trembling, all my normal instincts having fled out the door.

"Enia!" Samik yelled. He started forward but something got there first. A ball of fluff barreled out of the shadows and smashed into the zombie. They tumbled head over heels and the fluffy thing immediatly set about ripping the corpse to shreds in a very gory, violent way. Blood flew everywhere. I realized it was a large wolf. It was tan and lean with heavily muscled legs. There was blood on its muzzle and its keen eyes regarded us warily.

"Aw," I said as I stood up unsteadily and wandered towards it with my arms outstreatched. "It's so fluffy and cute."

"Enia," Samik cautioned.

Suddenly the wolf changed into a tall teenage guy. He had short blonde hair and blue eyes and wore a black leather jacket and black jeans. His eyes locked on mine. He yelled my name and came running towards me. _What the hell?_ I yelped and slid out of the way, pulling a hammer out of thin air and smashing him over the head with it. He staggered and tripped over the curb.

"Who the hell are you?" I demanded, hammer held at the ready.

"Enia," Samik said quietly. "That's David the Scottish Werewolf's creeper friend."

"_You're_ William Darroch?" I practically screeched.

"The one and only." He grinned disarmingly. I pegged my hammer at his head.

"Where'd you even get that hammer?" Samik asked. "I didn't know you were carrying one."

"It's 'cause I'm _magical_," I answered, wiggling my fingers in the air.

"He's William?" Onyx asked, regarding the new boy critically. "He's kinda funny lookin'."

"Am not!" William replied hotly.

"Does anyone want to explain to me what's going on?" Teemo asked.

"Sure. That's William," I pointed at the werewolf. "He's a creepy stalker person who's kinda been annoying me through his friend David's Fanfiction and Fictionpress accounts."

"So you've been hitting on my daughter," Teemo asked coldly, glaring vehemently at William. If only looks could kill...

"Technically I've choosen her as my mate. She's Marked. On her right ankle."

"Is this true, Enia?" Arin asked with motherly concern.

"Nope. He's bonkers. I have no recollection of this incident he's talking about. And let's see..." I pulled up my right pantleg. "Nope, no wound or scar. And besides, Samik is my one and only." I gave the elven boy beside me a hug.

When he heard Samik's name, William Darroch stiffened and clenched his hands into fists. "_You're_ Samik Brekin?"

Samik tensed in my arms. "Yeah, what of it?"

"Prepare to die," William growled, his voice roughed by the change into his wolf form. He prepared to leap at Samik.

"Stop it!" I yelled as I released Samik, pulled another hammer out of thin air, and flung it at William's head. It connecting with a satisfying thunk and he transformed back into a human. "Can you two be next to each other for _five seconds_ with out threatening or making nasty comments about each other?"

"Apparently not," Samik answerd. He glared at William and pushed against my hand.

"I will kill you," was William's mature response.

"No, you won't," I snapped. "You're going to settle this the mature and adult way."

"And what would _that_ be?" William asked sarcastically.

"With," I paused for effect, "a Comp-Off!"

**William: I am not fluffy or funny looking!**

**Samik: Yes, you kinda are.**

**William: I will kill you, tree-hugger!**

**Samik: Bring it, puppy-boy.**

**Me: WOULD BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP! **

**William: Ditch this dork, Enia, I'm so much cooler.**

**Me: *glares* I like you better as a puppy.**

**William: I'm a wolf! Not a puppy!**

**Me: Puppy! Puppy!**

**William: *runs away crying***

**Me: Heh heh. Now that that's over. First thanks, obviously, got to David the Scottish Werewolf for his idea. And yes, Onyx, I'll give you credit for Comp in the next chapter. AND TRANSFORMING INTO A HORSE AND SMASHING YOUR OPPONENTS FEET IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH IS ILLEGAL! (unless your opponent is William)**

**Onyx: *pouts* Damn you.**

**Me: All right! Read and review! Or I'll sic William on you, he's got to be good for something, right?**


	13. A Comp Off

**Me: Wow. Two chapters in only a matter of days. It's pretty amazing seeing as how all I do in my spare time these days in sleep. AND THE GODDAMN SCHOOL COMPUTERS WON'T LET ME ON FANFICTION! "I have hair?" Sorry, am watching Avatar and I had to put that in there. Anyways, I've gotta get on with the chapter. **

**Comp time! All will be explained soon, but first Onyx would like me to tell you all that the original idea for Comp was hers. Then her, me, and Minka evolved it into what it is today. There may be a school for it noe day! Let us know if your interested!**

"Comp," I began dramatically. "Short for Compression; a game of wits, speed, and agility. Stomp on your opponent's and you win! Anything goes... except for maiming and/or killing." I added as an afterthought after seeing William's expression. "Onyx and I will give you a demonstration. And yes, Onyx, smashing someone's foot flate is a form of maiming, so no horse form."

"Darn it!"

We assumed our positions and preformed our specialized salutes. I stuck my tongue out, my thumbs in my ears, and wiggled my fingers. Onyx did this weird hand-down-face-chest-thump thing that I don't even know how to describe. Onyx acted first, bum-rushing me. I spun out of the way and lunged for her feet. She spazz-jumped out of the way and kicked my thigh. I kicked her back.

We circled away from each other and jumped in and out as we faked lunges (**"Load the Toph! Sorry, more Avatar. Couldn't resist.) **at the other's feet. Onyx tried to head butt my stomach but I pushed her back and made a series of quick jabs at her feet. She shifted out of the way and stomped at me ferociously. I slipped back a couple of feet and waited. Onyx closed in slowly. She lunged and I skidded my feet back without taking them off the ground. I dodged her kick and attacked her foot as she put it down. From then on everything was just a flurry of movement as we attacked, dodged, and kicked. Two minutes later we circled away, panting slightly. Comp is a good workout. They should teach it in schools. Onyx! Let's start a Comp revolution! A Compolution! Let's get it integrated into every P.E. routine in every school!

Onyx: Yea!

Wait... how'd this turn into an author's note?

Onyx: I don't think you're writing it as one.

But we don't have a mind connection!

Onyx: Yea, we do. Ole was-is-face."

Oh yeah, that guy. Well... I'm gonna go back to narrating the story now.

Onyx: Probably a good idea.

_Anyway_, I attacked again and started driving Onyx back towards the buildings. She hopped the curb and attacked back, trying to drive me back, but I met her attacks and we stayed in the four foot radius. Strains of hair fell in my face and I flicked it back irritably. Somehow we changed spots and Onyx started pushing me back twoards the buildings. I hopped up three porch steps and Onyx drove me into a corner. There was nowhere for me to go and attacks were coming from all directions. So I did the only thing I could; I went for the Spazz Defense/Attack. I jerked my legs up and down in a frantic, lightning fast motion and lo and behold, my foot slammed down on Onyx's! She immediatly growled, whacked me, and stalked away. I flicked another piece of hair out of my eyes. "And that's how it's done. Prepare thineselves."

"You looked like a jack-rabbit," Samik snorted.

I tossed my head nonchalantly. "What works, works. Now get ready."

They faced each other in the middle of the street just as Onyx and I had. They both preformed their "salute". Neither was really what I would call a salute. (**"SNEAK ATTACK!" "Sokka, sneak attacks don't work if you yell it out loud.")** Samik shot William between the eyes witha fingergun. William flicked Samik off. I sighed and shook my head. "Okay. Remember now; no maiming. And I _am_ seriously about that William, if you hurt Samik I will rip you to shreds and feed you to the zombies. Samik, do what ever you want."

"Sweeet." Samik grinned.

"Totally not fair," William muttered.

"Ready," I began slowly. "Set. GO!"

Immediatly, William (**"Sparky-Sparky-Boom-Man!") **sprinted headlong at Samik. My boy slid out of the way and jammed his elbow into the back of Willma's - I mean William's - neck. There was no competition reall. Willma was going to get _pwned_! "Pentalty!" Willma - I probably should stop calling him that, shouldn't I? - yelled.

"Shut up and fight like a man," I replied. "Or are you just scared, little puppy?"

That got him. "I AM NOT A PUPPY! I AM A _WOLF_!"

"Okay, puppy-boy."

Puppy-Boy lunged at Samik. Samik slipped out of the way again and knocked his opponents feet out from under him. William sprawled out on the ground. This wasn't even a Comp-Off. It was just Samik beating up William and making him look like a fool. Either way looked for me!

William jumped back to his feet and threw a punch. Samik ducked and slammed his kneee into William's stomach. William staggeredc back, clutching his midsection. "This isn't really a Comp-Off, is it?" Onyx asked.

"Nope," I answered.

"And you're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Hael yeah."

We watched William get beat up for a little bit. "Tree-huggers rule!" I yelled. "Dog-boys drool!"

Samik paused and took a bow before back-handing William across the face. Blood flew from his nose.

**("It's Sparky-Sparky-Boom-Man!" "Katara, you're a genius! A sweaty, stinky genius!") **

"Is this always what happens when they're together?" Arin asked.

"Well, this is the first time they've ever met face to face, but on the Internet yeah, all the time."

"This is quite amusing," Teemo added. "I just wish I had some popcorn. "Go, Samik! Bash his teeth in!" William wisley skittered away from Samik. The dog-boy was kind of a mess. His nose was gushing blood and one of his eyes was swelling up. (**"But if you don't respect it, it will chew you up and spit you out like an angry Komodo Lion!" Oh my god, Sokka just ate an apple in two bites! Two! Right, no more distractions.) **His shirt was ripped and he was limping but an angry fire still burned in his eyes and he doggedly continued to attack Samik and in hopes of landing a hit. Heh heh. Get it? _Dog_gedly? I crack myself up sometimes.

"Hey, do you guys wanna hear my cheer?" I asked suddenly.

They all nodded, except for Minka who rolled her eyes.

"Okay. Here goes. _Tree-huggers rule! Dog-boys drool! William's a bore, but Samik I adore! William's a creeper so Samik's his grim reaper! William may have_ **("Zuko, I think the past is trying to kill me!") **_fluff but Samik is super tough! Samik rules! William drools! Danananana!"_

"Shut _up_, Enia!"

I sang louder. **("Monkey feathers!") **"TREE-HUGGERS RULE! DOG-BOYS DROOL! **("Zuko get over here! I want you to dance with me!") **WILLIAM'S A BORE, BUT SAMIK I ADORE!"

"SHUT UP!" William roared.

"YOU CAN'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP!"

"YES, I CAN! YOU'RE MY MATE AND YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY!"

At that Teemo and Arin started yelling too. "LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE PUNK!" Teemo roared. "DON'T YOU _DARE_ ORDER MY DAUGHTER AROUND OR I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF!"

"Why the hell are you even _here_?" Arin added. "Nobody wants you here."

"I'M HERE BECAUSE DAVID'S IN TROUBLE!" William yelled and that shut everybody up. The silence on the street was sudden and heavy.

"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU MENTION THAT BEFORE?" I roared. David was one of my friends, regardless of whether or not he was friends with Wiliam, and I didn't want anything to happen to him.

"BECAUSE I FORGOT!"

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO _THAT_?"

"BECAUSE I SAW YOU AND EVERYTHING ELSE FLED FROM MY MIND!"

"DON'T YOU DARE BLAME THIS ON ME, YOU BASTARD!"

"And that was really cheesy," Samik added, smirking.

"WELL I REMEMBERED, DIDN'T I?" William yelled, ignoring Samik completely.

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT! HE COULD BE DEAD BY NOW JUST BECAUSE YOU FORGOT TO TELL US RIGHT AWAY!"

"THEN LET'S STOP ARGUING ABOUT IT AND GO GET HIM!"

"FINE! WHERE IS HE?"

"The library." Finally the yelling had stopped. But that was when the Panic started.

**Me: I love writing in all caps. Sorry about all that Avatar quoting. I'm watching it right now 'cause my parents left me home alone. :D So leave me some reviews, okay? Okay. DO IT NOW! Tee hee, all caps.**


	14. Our First Mission

The Panic, as it would come to be called. It was my first clue that something was controlling the apocalypse. For that number of zombies to just appear in only a matter of minutes was, quite frankly, impossible. Im-poss-ibla. I had my suspicions as to who was at fault, but I wasn't ready to air them quite yet. More pressing to me was making sure that David survived the night.

We flited through the streets like silent wraiths, following the screams towards the highschool. We froze by the fence surrounding the football field and stared. The three story building was on fire, all its windows broken and flames spurting out of the empty panes like deadly tongues. The football field was filled with tortured bodies, both dead and undead. "Holy shit," William breathed.

"There's someone alive down there," I said urgently.

Indeed there was. A small figure was perched on the roof of the press box, curled into a ball, many arms reaching up from the ground, almost like an adoring crowd at a concert. "Alright, this is our first mission!" I jumped in the air and flipped, sticking my arm out dramatically when I landed. Everyone started laughing.

"What was that?" Onyx demanded.

"My Ranger pose," I said defensivly."

Minka laughed, getting the reference. "Nice."

"Thank you," I said. "At least one person was cool enough to understand."

"That's one word for it," Onyx agreed, illiciting laughs from the rest of my friends.

I huffed indignantly and continued on as if nothing had happened. "Okay, so we're going to split into two groups of two and a group of three."

"Me and Arin!" Teemo said automatically, grabbing his wife in a hug.

"You and Samik," Onyx said with a snort. I made a face at her. "And I'll go with Minka."

"And that just leaves Zeus," I said, turning to my friend. "Looks like you get to pick."

"Cool." She thought about it for a moment, regarding each of the groups of two in turn. "I'll go with Teemo and Arin."

"Awright!" Teemo crowed, raising his hand for a high five. Zeus returned it, having to jump slightly to do so. It wasn't that Zeus was short, it was just that Teemo was taller and had his arm raised high in the air.

"Okay, here's the plan," I continued, gathering the others close. "Onyx and Minka will circle around to the left, through the parking lot. Teemo, Arin, and Zeus to the right, by the treeline. Whoever gets there first will secure the area, make sure that person's okay, and wait for the others to get there. Samik and I will go through the middle to create a distraction and clear out some of the zombies." I paused for a moment. "One more thing, try to stay away from using magic, for some reasons humans don't like it when we use magic, even when we're trying to save them. And don't get seperated from your partner, no matter what. Got it?"

Everyone nodded and Zeus raised her hand. "I don't have a weapon."

I tossed her my AK-47, almost loathing to part with it. "Now you do. Try not to hit anything that's not dead."

She nodded and clutched the weapon tightly, knuckles white. "Anything else?" I asked. Nobody said anything. "Alright then, E.Z.H.F, activate!"

We were ready to charge, weapons raised, but suddenly William raised his angry voice in protest. "What about me?"

I looked back over my shoulder. "What about you?"

"What do I do?"

"Stay here and root for us."

"What? No!"

Annoyed, I turned to glare at him. "Look, bub. I didn't ask you to join our group, there were only supposed to be seven of us anyways. You're just wrecking the group dynamic. And nobody wants you here anyway. So you're just here to lug all our crap around. You're our..." I wondered what the best word for it was, "our cheerleader," I finished with a malicious grin.

William went rigid. "I AM NOT A FUCKING CHEERLEADER!" he screeched.

The football field below us went perfectly silent. Allt he dead faces turned to stare at us and then the moans started up again, low and wating, and the dead were shambling towards us. "You idiot," I hissed at William. "This is why you aren't part of the group!" I shot a glance to each of my friends. "Go go go!"

"We're gonna win!" Teemo yelled as he, Arin, and Zeus ran off to the right.

"Nu-uh!" Onyx called back. "We are!"

"Bring it!" Teemo replied.

And we were off, Onyx and Minka skirting the fence to the left, Teemo, Arin, and Zeus following it to the right. Samik and I quickly scaled the chain links and dropped onto the other side, trapped with the dead. We drew our weapons, me with my sword in one hand and the shotgun in the other, and advanced towards the mob. I picked them off with the gun, the retorts unfathomably loud even against the moans, and slung it across my back again once it ran out of bullets.

We paused with the zombies only yards from us. "Hey, dipshits!" I yelled. "Do you wanna piece of me?"

The zombies moaned in response.

"That's what I thought. So come and get some!"

Then, suddenly, the zombies were upon us. With a roar, I brought my blade up and sliced off the top half of three zombies' heads, darting out of the way of a fourth reaching zombie and retaliating by spearing it in the head. Instinctivly, Samik and I moved so we were back to back. Soon we were surrounded. (That was exactly what the Zombie Survival Guide told you _not_ to let happen, but hey, we were elves. The rules change for us.) Our blades flashed and dust, dried blood, and strange bodily fluids flew through the air. I could hear the rat-a-tat-tat of Zeus's gun, but the sound was muted, far away. Then I heard Teemo yell, "Yeah! We win!"

I turned to find Samik and tell him it was time to move, but he wasn't there. Panic bubbled up in my stomach like acid. "Samik?" I yelled.

No answer.

Louder. "_Samik_?"

Still no answer. My panic began to grow and I attacked the zombies with a furious frenzy and soon I stumbled out of the mob onto torn and broken turf. A hand fell on my shoulder. For a second I thought it was Samik, but then I realzied it was cold and heavy. With a roar, I flipped the sword around in my hand and drove it back over my shouler, impaling something with a sickening crunch. The hand on my shoulder disappeared. I turned around, knowing I needed to deal with the mob before I did anything else. They still numbered many and the ones in front were... what's the word?

"Oh my God, that's so cliche," I grumbled.

In front of me was an undead football team with undead cheerleaders to boot. They wore their game uniforms, white jerseys, pads, strange pants, cleats, and worst of all... helmats. The helmats would prevent them from biting me, but it would also make it a lot harder for me to kill them. The jerseys were ripped and stained, and the pants were covered with mud. One of them, the man in front, was missing a hand. The cheerleaders were worse. Their red uniforms were torn profanely and blood blotted out the white letters. Their once firm and perfectly tan skin was now saggy and gray. Their hair lay lank around their faces, half in the ponytails, half out.

I cut at the head of one who got too close and stabbed another cheerleader through the eye. Suddenly, I noticed something on the ground. It was a sword. A katana. Samik's katana. And there was blood on the ground around it. My vision tinged red. Without me meaning too, flames sprouted along the edge of my blade and flew from it in deadly arcs as I hacked away at the zombies, easily slicing through the football players' helmats. i was unstoppable. Throw another thousand zombies at me and you wouldn't have been able to slow me. You mess with Samik and I kill you, simple as that. Soon the only bodies around me were permantly dead; charred and smoking. I stood in the middle of the carnage, puffing, looking for something else to kill. Finding none, I began to search frantically for Samik, yelling his name and kicking bodies over, tears blurring my vision. He was nowhere to be found.

Just I was about to break down and give up, my will to live gone, a familiar voice called my name. "Enia?"

I froze, wanting to believe it was him but unable too. I turned around slowly. My eyes widened as I took in the figure behind me. It was! I shrieked with joy and flung myself at him, almost bowling him over in the process. He laughed and buried his face in my hair. "You're not dead," I whispered, more tears choking my voice.

"No, I'm not," he agreed.

Then I realized he was covered in blood.

I stepped back, eyes widening as the panic set in again. "I wasn't bitten," Samik said hurriedly when he saw my expression. "The zombies managed to pull me to the ground, yes, and one was about to bite me, but I managed to escape underground with Earth-bending. I cut myself on my sword in the process."

"Why didn't I notice?"

He shrugged. "You were busy."

I thought my knees were going to give out with relief. "Thank God for magic," I said.

"Yeah," he agreed with a shaky laugh. He went over and picked up his sword, wiping the blood from it and replacing it in its sheath. I noticed the giant gash on his arm.

"Do you want me to look at that?" I asked. "I'm not as good as healing as Arin is, but..."

"Sure," he said, but then Teemo's panicked shout broke the silence.

"Hey! Don't!"

Simultaneously, we looked over to see that Zeus had made it onto the roof, but the person we were trying to save was grappling with her for the gun. Teemo was trying to pull the person off, but whoever it was was fighting like a madman. Samik and I looked at each other and took off across the field, bounding up the bleachers and climbing the stack of crates piled against the side of the press box in a matter of seconds. I added my weight to Teemo's and we managed to pull the girl - for it was a girl with long blonde hair - off Zeus. But the gun came with us. I grabbed it and tried to wrench it away, but she clung to it like a leech. "Let go!" I yelled.

"No!" she wailed. "I can't take it anymore."

I realized what she was trying to do. "I won't let you do that!"

"But there's nothing left to live for anymore!" her voice broke; she was close to tears.

"Sure there is," I responded, gritting my teeth as I continued to yank on the gun. "A friend, a parent, a sibling, a boyfriend."

"Everyone I know is dead!" she interuptted and gave a tremendous yank on the gun.

I resolutely hung on though I was pulled forward a few steps. "The sunrise or sunset, food, chocolate, revenge... I could go on and on."

The girl shook her head stubbornly.

"Then how about showing those zombie bitches that they can't beat you? That you will survive and crush their asses!"

The tears finally poured out of her eyes. "Maybe taht would work for you, but I'm made of weaker stuff." Suddenly, she wrenched the gun in a different direction and it slipped from my grip. Instantly, she turned the gun on herself and, before I could do anything, pulled the trigger. The retort was sharp in the quiet night. Drops of her blood splattered my face.

The seven of us stood there, frozen in shock, until William came puffing up onto the roof. "What just happened?" he asked.

"I blame you," I growled as I turned and stalked towards the school.

"Where are you going?" Arin called after me.

"To put out that stupid fire," I answered. I heard them come after me, but I didn't say anything; I almost wanted to do this alone.

We were the Elite Zombie Hunting Force; it was our job to save people. But how could we do that if they didn't even want to be saved?

**Me: *gags* That was really touchy-feely; nobody'd better make fun of me for it or else I will beat their brains out.**

**Samik: You're the one who wrote it.**

**Me: That's true. So was this chapter worth the wait? I hope so; I had fun writing it.**

**William: *grumbling* I'm not a fucking cheerleader.**

**Me: *points towards the door* Get out of my author's note.**

***he leaves, still grumbling***

**Samik: Shouldn't it be authoress's note?**

**Me: Neh, to hard to say. Alright, I'm ending this here. Please review! Or I'll stick William in a cheerleader's outfit in the next chapter. *shudders violently* Now there's a scary image.**

**Samik: How would you manage that without a giant plothole?**

**Me: *scoffs* I'm Enia Silverson, my readers don't care.**

**Samik: Some might. And there _are_ the Plothole Police.**

**Me: That's why I have you, my lawyer.**

**Samik: *blanches* I don't think that's part of my job description.**

**Me: You're job is whatever I tell you it is.**

**Samik: Uh oh, this could end badly. Please review so I don't have to worry about this!**


	15. Firefighting and Mud Fights

As I drew closer to the burning building, the flames grew almost unbearably hot. i stopped when the heat began to bake my skin tight across my bones. Drawing a small layer of water around myself, I continued forward. Teemo and Arin approached and stood by my side, but everyone else stayed back; unable to bear the heat. Concentrating hard, I spread my arms and the fire began to make its way to my fingertips. Finally, its force grew to be too much, so I released it into the sky where it soared into space and disappeared.

Arin also disappeared into the sky for a moment and when she came back there was a giant thundercloud following her. She dropped back to earth and the cloud released its contents, steaming when it struck the fire. Teemo gathered the flames into a giant ball between his palms and squeezed, making the ball wink out of existence.

Waving my arms, I made the mud splash onto the lower levels of the building, smothering even more of the fire. By then I was utterly soaked, but I wwas glad for it; it washed away my doubts about our purpose. I laughed and flicked my hand, splashing Teemo with a wave of mud.

"Hey!" he spluttered as all of us burst into laughter.

The last of the flames had sizzled out by then and Arin concentrated the remaining cloud over Teemo's head, drenching him and follwing him around wherever he ran.

Zeus ran forward and bent to scoop up a fistful of mud. She flung it into the air and it struck Teemo square in the face. We all laughed at his shocked expression. "What is this, Beat Up Teemo Day?" he demanded.

"Yup," Arin answered.

I turned and saw Samik bend and pick up a large clump of mud. Cackling, he dropped it on William's head. William shrieked and swiped at him, but Samik danced out of the way. I laughed, but then a mudball struck _me_ in the back of the head. I stumbled forward and spun around to see Teemo, Arin, and Zeus standing together and grinning. Teemo's hands were dirty.

"This means war!" I yelled dramatically. "Samik, Minka, to me!"

"What about me?" William asked.

I huffed at him but relented. "I suppose you can be on our team, that way we'll have the numerical advantage."

He grinned like a happy puppy and bounced over to me. Giving us no time to strategize, our opponents began to pelt us with mudballs. I laughed as I dove to one side and began to fling mudballs of my own back at them. One nailed Zeus in the shoulder and another missed Arin's ear by lest than an inch. Teemo leapt into the air, bringing a tall wall of mud with him. He began to circle us and soon we were trapped within ring of mud. Then he let it drop. I yelped as I lashed out with Air-bending, sending the mud skittering away. "That was close," Samik said.

"No kidding," I agreed. "But if that's the way they want to play..."

The four of us began to sprint towards the three of them. We combined all our power into one giant ball of muck and held it out in front of us. We were going to crush them flat! But suddenly we collided with a solid mass and the resulting explosion sent everyone flying through the air. I skidded through the mud and rolled into snow. For a moment everything was silent, but then we began to laugh. "That was awesome!" Teemo shouted, bolting into a sitting position and flailing his arms around.

"Let's do it again!" Zeus added. She wiped some of the mud from her face.

I laughed and was about to respond, but a shout broke the air. "Onyx to the rescue!"

We turned around to see our orange-haired friend come racing across the snow. She slid to a stop and struck an heroic pose. "Never fear! Onyx is here to save the day!"

I smirked. "Uh, Onyx, we're already done."

"What!"

"Yeah," Zeus said. "But she killed herself. Then we put out a fire and had an epic mud fight!"

Onyx's eye twitched. "Vhat?"

"Sorry."

"But-but. Agh! You mean I did all that work for nothing?"

"What work? Wait, did you go somewhere?" I asked.

She gave me a glare. "You mean you didn't notice? I'm offended, Enia Silverson. Yes, I went somewhere. I went to get this!" She stepped to the side and gestured grandly at a small something that had been hiding her.

My mouth fell open and my eyes bugged out. "Is that...?"

"Yup," Onyx said proudly. "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Riskapoop! The Rainbow Sparkle Glitter Unicorn Pegasus Pony that eats rocks and shits zombies! I give you Roderiguz, Queen of the Unicorns and father of the ninjas!"

I was pretty sure that everyone present was frozen, staring at the three-foot winged unicorn with the three-foot horn that looked like someone had vomited a rainbow on it. "Wait a second," Arin said suddenly. "'Shits zombies'? We're in the middle of a zombie apocalypse! Don't you think it's a bad idea to have it here?"

"We just won't feed it," Onyx replied.

"Isn't that considered child abuse?" Teemo asked.

Onyx shrugged and turned to me. "Can we keep it, pweease?" she begged, trying to use puppy-dog eyes on me.

"Riskapoop and its ninjas only enter a battle when they've deemed it hopeless for the side they've choosen. Do we _want_ it to join us?"

Onyx gnawed at her lip. "I guess not." She turne dto the unicorn. "Bye Riskapoop! Come back and visit us sometime!"

Riskapoop whickered in agreement and took to the air, shitting a zombie in farewell.

I-yeah... just... just yeah.

**Me: Yeah! I like this chapter; it was fun. And no, Onyx disappearing was not a plot hole; it was planned. And Merry Christmas! I can't wait! And if you like Teemo and Arin, then head on over to and look up Vengeful Authoress (that's me!) and read A Purple Tractors Christmas Special! I'll be putting it up tomorrow but you're not allowed to read it till Christmas Day. So... yup. That's all I got. Please leave a review!**


	16. A Very Daring Rescue

**Me: Welcome to what will undoubtably be the longest chapter in this random Fanfiction. I say random because yesterday at my birthday party, Zeus informed me taht the previous chapter had no point. And I guess it didn't. But it certainly was fun! Anyway, I'm writing this on New Year's Eve and I plan on starying up the whole time! It's only 7:30 now, but as it gets later, expect this to get weirder and weirder! Should be fun, let's go!**

***about three weeks later* Heh, that didn't really happen. I wrote about a half a page before getting distracted by Purple Tractors. **

"Woah, I'm tired," I said as I nonchalantly sliced the head off the zombie Riskapoop had left in farewell. "It's been like, what, a fajillion hours since we slept?"

"A fajillion?" Samik smirked. "That's a lot of hours."

I flapped my hand at him. "You know what I mean."

"What do you plan to do?" William groused. "It's not like we can sleep. We have to go save David."

"I know. I'm not stupid." I drew the word out. "I gots a plan. We're gonna go to HyVee, stock up on pop and candy and Five Hour Energy, and shit, and go," I pointed my finger towards the sky, "to the Library!"

"Great, now she's quoting Avatar," Onyx muttered.

"That's a good show," Minka agreed.

"Yahoo!" Teemo yelled. "Sounds like fun! If only we had some Duice..."

Ah Duice. An elven drink. It was like juice except shoved full of a _shit-ton_ of sugar. It had some other strange properties that makes it kind of like caffiene and sugar and a whole lot of other stuff that makes a person hyper and high without all the other nasty side effects. It was pretty amazing stuff.

"Because that's such a good idea," Onyx said.

"Sure it is! I mean, a bunch of crazy, sugar-jacked teens on a rescue mission during a zombie apocalypse! What could be better?"

"I think it sounds like fun," Zeus said. Teemo grinned and slapped her five.

Onyx shrugged and gave in. "Okay. But if this goes wrong, I'm blaming you."

"And I'm blaming Teemo," I said.

Teemo blinked. "Wait. What?"

"Sounds like a good plan," Onyx agreed.

With that we started to walk. The school wasn't that far from the grocery store. It was across the street then a quick walk past a church and a couple of streets of homes. We would also cross over the Creek. So we tromped out of the school grounds, climbing over the fences and darting through the playground of the elementary school next to City High and crouched under some bushes. People ran screaming through the streets and zombies shambled after them. "Ready to make a break for it?" I asked.

"Just a second," William said. A man on a bike shot past us, screaming his head off. A zombie in a housecoat staggered after him. "Isn't going into a large grocery store the _last_ thing you want to do in a zombie apocalypse?"

"Yeah," I said and paused. "But that's what makes it fun."

That got me a couple of eye rolls. "I'm for it," Teemo agreed. "Danger is the spice of life."

"You're both insane, you know that?" William asked.

"Yeah, we're cool like that," I said.

We darted out of the bushes and ran across the street, dodging a stalled car and a downed body. We sprinted down the hill. Zombies changed course and came after us, but we easily outstripped them. Then one stumbled out from between the houses and nearly bowled into us, but Teemo lashed out with his broadsword and took it out. We careened into the parking lot of HyVee and skidded to a stop. Inside gunshots could be heard along with screaming, and shadows flickered across the smeared windows. "Alright, what's our plan of attack?" I asked.

"Sneak in?" Arin suggested.

"Boring," Teemo joked. He looked at me imploringly. "I make it go boom, Enia?"

"Tempting," I said, stroking my chin.

"Why don't we just walk in?" Onyx wondered. "Everyone inside will be to distracted by everything else."

We exchanged glances. "I like this plan," Zeus said. "It's simple and almost ironic."

"Okay," Arin agreed, shrugging.

"I don't really care," Minka muttered.

"I still don't think it's exciting enough," Teemo grumbled.

Onyx grinned triumphantly. "To the front entrance!" I yelled, pointing in the air dramatically and we raced away.

"I want cheese!" Zeus shouted. "I'll get the string cheese and Samik can get the block cheese and Onyx will get the cottage cheese..."

"I don't want no cottage cheese," Onyx contradicted. "I want the Mountain Dew!"

Zeus made a face at her. "Then Teemo will get the cottage cheese."

"I don't like cottage cheese..." Teemo replied.

"Well, _someone_ has to get the cottage cheese," Zeus pouted.

"I'll get it for you," Arin promised and Zeus beamed.

We arrived at the front entrance. The large, sliding glass doors were all shattered and the bricks used to do the job lay scattered on the ground against the wall. There was one more door to go through, a smaller sliding door to our left. To our right was what was left of the shopping carts. Not that there were many left. We still couldn't see what was going on inside, but the noises painted grotesque pictures in our heads. "Damn," Teemo grumbled. "There aren't any doors for me to kick down." Suddenly, he jumped up and shot away, yelling, "I call the jelly beans!"

We watched him leap dramatically through the shattered glass door. "Hello world!"

Instantly, the sounds inside the grocery store stopped. I knew everyone was looking at him and soon we would be surrounded by zombies. Ye Gods, he was an idiot sometimes. "Teemo," I hissed. "Distraction."

He looked back at me and grinned. "Kitchen go boom?"

I nodded. "Kitchen go boom."

He pumped his fist in the air. "Yes!"

"I want to go to!" Zeus yelle and scampered after him. I could hear them yelling and drawing the zombies away from us.

"What now?" Samik asked.

"Now we make our own dramatic entrance," I answered. The six of us jumped up and ran through the door, glass crunching under our feet. "Never fear!" I yelled. "The Elite Zombie Hunting Force is here to save the - WAK!" Suddenly, my feet disappeared from under me and I thudded to the ground . "Ow! What the hell?"

"Save the wak?" Samik smirked. He reached down and pulled me to my feet.

"Shut up," I huffed. I glanced down. I had slipped in a puddle of blood and now my feet and white clothes were stained with it. "That's so gross!" I squealed, trying not to gag. "Bathroom!" I darted away towards the small corner of the store that held the Hawkeye and City High apparel. I jumped over discarded shopping carts with their contents spilled on the ground, the bodies of the owner never far from sight. I passed scared looking people crouched on top of shelves with zombies pressing in around them. (I did stop to quickly kill the zombies because most of them turned to stagger after me as I passed). I ran past a group of men fighting over the booze (the cheap stuff too, not even the good, expensive stuff) and some crying women fighting over the last package of diapters. Most of the shelves I passed were empty, but I did note that the jelly bean dispenser was still intact. I skirted around the smashed candy machines and snatched a black hooded sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants off the racks. Then I ran up the scavenged meat, cheese, and ice cream aisle, grinning when I saw the string cheese and jumping over another fallen body. I ran through the milk and dairy and the seafood and turned into the bathrooms in front of the pastries.

I slammed into the door to the women's restroom and smacked my nose against the plastic covered wood when the door didn't budge. I shoved against it until I looked down and realized it was a pull door. "Oh," I mumbled and yanked the door open. Luckily, there wasn't anyone inside because I really wanted to take the soiled clothes off. I gagged and shuddered as I dragged the bloodstained shirt over my head and it rubbed against my face. I threw the sweatshirt on and changed my pants, and was washing the blood from my face and feet when I suddenly remembered something. Teemo and Zeus had gone to blow up the kitchen. The bathroom was right next to the kitchens. And that meant... "Shit!" I yelled as I ran for the door.

But it was too late.

Suddenly, everything began to shake and I was thrown into the air and slammed against the wall. The walls shook and the sinks began to spray water everywhere. Smoke filled the air and I coughed violently and rubbed my eyes. I had to get out. I crawled to the door and shoved it open, rolling out into more smoke filled air. "Teemo!" I yelled. "You're a bloody idiot!"

"That was awesome!" I heard Zeus cry happily.

"Go!" Samik yelled and I guessed my friends were racing around and gathering up their sugary product of choice. Teemo and Zeus came out of the smoke, saw me, and came over. They were both covered with soot. Teemo dragged me to my feet, and I leaned against him and coughed.

"You're a bloody idiot," I repeated.

He laughed. "I know. It's part of the reason the ladies love me."

I rolled my eyes.

"Why where you even in the bathroom?" he asked.

"'Cause I slipped in a puddle of blood and it got all over my clothes and it was really gross."

"Hm. Now take me to the jelly beans!"

I let go of him and stumbled for a few steps before regaining control of my legs. We walked quickly past the panicking humans and stalking zombies. Teemo yelled happily when he saw the large jelly bean section. He commanded Zeus and me to fill as many bags as we could carry. I looked around and grabbed a discarded shopping cart and we filled the bags as quickly as we could. We ended up emptying all the containers. "What next?" Teemo asked.

"Cheese!" Zeus yelled.

We scurried around the store, grabbing string cheese, block cheese, cheese wedges, spreadable cheese, even cottage cheese. Along the way, we passed Onyx with a couple of six-packs of Mountain Dew in her arms. "Coke!" I yelled and suddenly changed course.

"And root beer!" Zeus added.

"Yes! Root beer!" We added the pop to our cart and took off again. We raced down the candy aisle, grabbing things off the shelf and dumping them in, and almost ran into Samik. He had two baskets on both arms and was grabbing anything chocolate. "Hey!" I yelled as we blew by.

"Hey," he responded.

We saw William walk by with his arms loaded down with dried meat. "What else?" Teemo asked.

Before Zeus or I could answer, sirens began to wail and quickly grew louder. "EZHF!" I yelled, my voice rising above the din in the store. "Let's get out of here!"

The other members of the group quickly converged around us. "How?" Minka asked. "We can't go out the front and I don't know of any other doors."

"Our explosion blasted a hole in the wall. We could go out that way," Teemo suggested.

"Sounds like a plan," I said. "Let's go."

We disappeared into the shelves just as the police entered the store, yelling for everyone to remain calm. We picked our way through the rubble of the kitchen, jerking the carts over the rocks, and ran outside. "Let's go steal a cop car!" Zeus yelled. Gods, we were corrupting her more and more with each moment she was with us.

Was it bad that none of us objected?

We raced back around the building and into the main parking lot. The cop cars were still on with their sirens wailing. When would they learn? "Shotgun!" Onyx called.

"Wait, who's going to drive?" I asked.

"Not Enia," Samik said. "She drives like an old lady."

"Shut up," I told him.

"I will!" Teemo yelled.

"Teemo, you don't know how to drive," Arin reminded him.

"Bubble-buster," he grumbled.

"I'll drive," Onyx announced in a way that closed the discussion.

"Just don't kill us," I replied. We piled into the car. Onyx in the driver's seat, Minka and Zeus sharing shotgun, Arin on Teemo's lap behind the driver, me on Samik's lap on the other side, William smashed in the middle, and all the goodies piled on the floor. Onyx somehow managed to shut off the sirens and the lack of noise alerted the police. The poured out of HyVee and started yelling. Everyone in the car rolled down their windows and waved, laughing, as we pulled away.

"Where too?" Onyx asked.

"Somewhere where we can go over our loot," I answered.

"How about Creekside Park?" Samik suggested.

"Sounds good," Onyx said.

* * *

I had never been in a car with Onyx driving before. I assumed that even under normal circumstances it would have been terrifying. But with snow-slicked streets strewn with rubble... well, I was terrifyed for my life. All of us were. Anyone with a door handle was gripping it until their knuckles were white and each turn she took set everyone flying into each other and banged our heads against the ceiling. Luckily, it wasn't a long drive.

Onyx parked haphazardly on the sidewalk next to the park and we tumbled gratefully out of the car. I pressed my warm face into the snow. "Ugh," I groaned. "Why did I ever think that was a good idea?"

Everyone ignored me as they hauled our spoils out of the car. "Me, Zeus, and Enia got the jelly beans," Teemo began. "And Coke and Root Beer and candy and cheese!"

"Yum," Zeus said. She opened a bottle of root beer and took a drink. I rolled over and sat up, brushing snow from my face.

"You do know that cheese really go bad really fast, right?" I asked. She shrugged.

"Nice sweatshirt, Enia," Samik told me.

"Thanks. But it already smells funny, thanks to _someone_," I replied, staring pointedly at Teemo. He laughed and popped some jelly beans in his mouth. I reached for a can of Coke. "I usually like Diet Coke better, but I guess I'll make an exception tonight."

"I got the Mountain Dew!" Onyx said, plunking the six-pack of green bottles down in the middle of our circle. Immediatly, William, Minka, and Zeus jumped at them and they each snatched a bottle away.

"I have lots of chocolate and Snickers and stuff," Minka said as I stole the bag of jelly beans from Teemo and he lunged after me. Laughing, I rolled away and poured some of them into my mouth, almost upending my can of Coke. Making a face at me, he opened another bag.

"I. Have. MEAT!" William yelled, holding up a bag of beef jerky.

We all stared at him blankly. "What?" he demanded. "I like meat."

"We can see that," I said. "But it's not really going to hype you up."

"You would be surprised what meat can do to me," he replied seriously.

"It would also work well for supplies," Samik added.

I stared at him in shock. Was he actually backing up something William said without insulting him? The horror! "Who are you and what have you done with Samik?" I yelled, shaking my boyfriend back and forth by the shoulders.

He freed himself from my grasp. "It's okay, Enia."

"I got tooth brushes and toothpaste!" Arin announced brightly. "'Cause I don't know about you, but I don't really want my teeth ruined in one night."

We stared at her. "Sensible, as always," Teemo sighed.

"I also got shoes," she continued, ignoring Teemo, and passed us each a pair. She also handed Onyx and Minka sweatshirts.

We gobbled up the candy and chugged all the pop. I could feel my bloodsugar risign and my legs began to jiggle hectically. Teemo started singing and twirling around with Arin. Onyx couldn't stop giggling and wheezing and bashing her head on other people's shoulders. William got more and more zoned out as he devoured the dried meat. "Enia!" he yelled and threw his arms around me. "I loooooooooooooooooooove you!"

"Ack!" I yelled and smashed him over the head with a hammer. "Creeper!"

"Ow!" He let go of me to clutch at his skull. "How do you _do_ that?"

"It's 'cause I'm magical!" I joked.

"You used a Rite, didn't you?" Samik asked. Somehow he was still sober, the only one amoung us.

"Yup!" Rites were a type of spell. There were two kinds, Majort and Minute that were too complicated to go into in my hyper state. I had used 'Barron Mead' to make the hammer. 'Barron Mead' could creat any weapon, it was only limited by your imagination. So I could create a sword, or flamethrower, or swordfish, or some belgian waffles, or even a giant, axe-weilding gummy bear squid! Wahaha! I would rule the world with it! "Wait!" I yelled suddenly. "Does anyone have any gummy bears?"

"I do!" Arin tossed me a package. I tore it open and began to barbarically eat them, head first.

"I want some!" Zeus said. She crouched down next to me and we zipped through the package in record time.

"Okay!" I leapt to my feet, almost stepping on William. "Let's go save David, kick some ass, and eat pie!"

The others shouted agreement and we once again piled into the car, bringing our sugar with us. Onyx tore away, tires squealing, and shot down the road at breakneck speed. Suddenly, she turned around and looked at me. "Enia! Did I ever tell you that Riskapoop has a puppy?"

"What?" I yelped.

"Yeah! You know how the Universe is always expanding and stuff? Well, Riskapoop went beyond that into a world of alien German Shepardsl and brought one back! His puppy's an illegal alien! His name's Godfrey and he's 110 years old, but he's still a puppy! He can turn invisible and green... at the same time!"

"Woah!" I yelled.

"Watch the road!" Arin shrieked and Onyx turned around just in time to jerk on the wheel and maneuver us around a stalled car. A zombie staggered out onto the street. Onyx swerved around it and opened her car door at the last second so that it smashed into the zombie. Everyone laughed. All things considered, it was pretty amazing that we made it to the library in one piece. But, somehow, we did. Onyx stopped near what was known as the Ped Mall and everyone tumbled out, giggling.

"That was awesome!" Zeus exclaimed. "Best roller coaster ever!"

"We need a plan of attack," I said, trying to focus. It was hard. Every leaf blowing in the wind caught my attention and even worse was the light reflecting off the windows; all I wanted to do was stare at it.

"I'll do recon!" Zeus announced and transformed into a magestic silver hawk with gray markings. We stared at her.

"That was epic!" Onyx said. "You've been holding out on us!"

Zeus the hawk squawked at her and took off drunkenly, almost running into a lightpole. We stared after her until she disappeared from sight. "Okay," I continued, forcing my mind back to the task on hand. "What's our plan?"

"I will go and kill all the zombies in an awesome display of badassery that will make you love me forever," William said matter of factly, grinning roguishly at me. I resisted the urge to summon up another hammer. "And then the rest of you will come over and we'll break in and go see if David's still alive!"

"Actually, not bad, except for the whole me loving you forever part," I told him. "Let's just wait for Zeus to come back."

It took about five minutes for Zeus to return, during which Arin disappeared after a plastic bag blowing in the wind and we had to chase after her. Zeus dropped out of the air, transforming back to human as she did so. "The place is swamped!" she said. "Some of them are dead-dead, it looked like they'd been shot in the head, but there are still a tone surrounding the building. The doors don't look like they've been broken but there's still a lot of glass on the ground."

"Thanks," I said. "Then our plan is a go." I turned to William. "Go ahead, Puppy-Boy."

"I'm am not a puppy!" he yelled as he transformed into his wolf form.

"Do you prefer cheerleader?"

He growled at me, but bounded away. We followed at a safe distance. With a loud roar, William leapt at the nearest zombie, tearing its head off in a shower of blood. Then he moved onto the next and the next, never spending longer than a second on any of them. We watched him in shock. It certainly was impressive. He slashed some to ribbons with his claws and bit off others heads. He even somehow managed to trample some. Sensing us, the zombies turned and staggered towards us, but none got closer than twenty feet. William pounced on them and tore their heads off. Feeling like someone was watching us, I glanced up at the windows on the second floor of the library. I could see a pale face peeking out of one of them. I pointed the face out to Samik as William finished off the last zombie. Samik nodded in acknowledgement. William changed back to human and swaggered up to me. "And that's how it's done."

"Do you want another hammer in the face?" I threatened as he tried to sling his arm around my shoulders. He wisely backed off. I addressed the rest of the group. "How are we going to get up there?" I asked, pointed towards the window where I'd seen the face. "I don't want to break the doors."

"Break a window and fly through dramatically," Teemo suggested.

"I like it," I said. "Teemo, would you do the honors?"

He grinned and bowed before shooting a rock at one of the second story windows. The glass shattered loudly. I launched myself into the air and shot through the window. "Never fear!" I yelled as I entered the library. "E.Z.H.F is here to - WAK!" I slammed into a book shelf and tumbled to the floor, dazed.

"Here to save the day!" Teemo finished as he followed me through. He helped me to my feet. One by one, the rest of the Elite Zombie Hunting Force flew through the window. Except for Onyx and William who couldn't fly.

"Hey!" William yelled. "A little help here?"

I poked my head out the window. "How I would love to leave him there," I muttered. "Anyone got a rope?" Someone handed me a piece and I lowered it out the window. William clambered up it easily and I resisted the urge to shove him back out again as he climbed through the window.

Onyx glared up at me. "You know I suck at climbing rope, Enia."

"Do it anyways," I answered. "Brace your feet on the wall."

She tried, she really did, but she still couldn't get more than five feet off the ground. "I hate you right not," she huffed.

"What happened to your super duper Onyx strength?" I asked. "Just hold onto it, I'll pull you up."

Actually, it wasn't me. I was too lazy. I made William do it. Either way, she made it into the library and the eight of us looked around. There was a young man standing behind the resource desk, pointing a rifle at us. He was blonde-haired, blue-eyed like William, but he was thinner and less body-builderish. "Who the hell are you?" he demanded.

"You don't recongize your co-author?" I huffed. "It's me, Enia Silverson!"

He lowered the gun. "Really?"

"Yup. And you already know William. But this is Samik, Teemo, Arin, Onyx, Minka, and Zeus. We're here to rescue you!"

"Thanks for that."

"Sooo..." I yawned suddenly. Sugar levels depleting... I swayed on my feet and saw that everyone else was starting to crash too. "I'll see you in the morning, David." And then everyone collapsed.

**Me: Yeah! That was awesome! One of the longest chapters out of any of my fanfictions! Me likey. Anyway, I...! WAAAAGH! LOOK OUT, ZEUS! THERE'S A GIANT ABOMIDABLE GUMMY BEAR SQUID COMING RIGHT AT YOU! IT WANTS TO STEAL YOUR COOKIES!**

**Zeus: PROTECT ME, ENIA! DON'T LET IT STEAL MY COOKIES! AHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**Me: ROOOOOOOOOOAR! LET'S TAKE THIS THING DOWN, ZEUS! CHAAAAARGE! EXPLOSION!**

**Zeus: *throws grenade* TAKE THAT, YOU BIG BUTT! YOU WILL NEVER GET MY COOKIES! *smears on warpaint***

**Me: *pulls out badass flamethrower* CHARBROIL!**

**Zeus: DIE YOU GELATIN MONSTER OF EVILNESS! DIE! DIE! *chucks sporks***

**Me: SPOOOOOOOOORK! FEAR THE POWER OF MY... BELGIAN WAFFLES! *starts throwing waffles***

**Waffle: Wait... what?**

**Zeus: BRING OUT THE POKEMON AND PUT AWAY THE WAFFLES, ENIA! I WAS GONNA HAVE THOSE FOR BREAKFAST! EAT MY BULLETS, GUMMY!**

**Me: GOOOOOOOOOOO HO-OH! SACRED FIRE! LET'S MELT THIS BAD BOY DOWN! AND GIRITINA! USE SHADOW FORCE!**

**Zeus: IT'S MELTING! IT'S MELTING!**

**Me: WAAAAHOOOOOOO!**

**Zeus: KEEP IT UP, HO-OH! MAKE ENIA PROUD!**

**Ho-oh: Squawk!**

**Gummy Bear Squid: I'M MELTING! I'M MELTI...**

**Zeus: MWJAJAJAJAJAJ! (I'm Spanish!) WE HAVE SUCCEEDED! YOU WILL NEVER GET MY COOKIES, YOU VILE BEAST!**

**Me: FOOOOOOOOOOOR THE COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIES!**

**Zeus: *battle cry/shriek* FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIES! !**

***gummy bears dies of terror***

**Me: Phew, now that that's done with... um... I really have nothing else to say. Damn. Just, you know, don't do drugs, watch out for Lawn Gnomes (they eat feet) and continue killing zombies in a totally badass way. I'll see you next time on E.Z.H.F.**

**Review?**


	17. Making Our Home

The angry axe-wielding gummy bear chased me across the barren plain. Dry grass slapped my bare legs and feet, and a cold wind whipped through my hair. Somewhere nearby, a bird shrieked ominously. The sky was shadowy and growing darker by the second, clouds blotting out the pale sun. my heart was pounding in my throat and my lungs burned as I gasped for air. I hazarded a glance behind me; the gummy bear was gaining fast.

Frantically, I cut to my left, leaping a fallen log and skidding on the slick ground. The gummy bear followed effortlessly, its axe cleaving through the log like it was made of butter. I jumped a small depression in the ground and looked around desperately for a place to hide. But there was nothing. The gray plain extended for as far as the eye could see, broken occasionally by withered looking trees. There was only one thing left to do; stand and fight.

I ran up a small hill, a stitch tugging at my side, and turned around. I clicked my fingers to summon a ball of fire. Nothing happened. Eyes widening, I snapped my fingers again. Not even a spark. I looked up to see the gummy bear closing in on me, raising its axe to attack. I stumbled back, terrified.

Suddenly, the backs of my legs struck something hard and I pitched backwards, unable to keep my balance. I struck the ground hard and the air was driven from my lungs. A shadow fell across my face. The gummy bear was looming over me, axe raised above its head. I scrambled back only to find myself trapped by a tall rock wall. "This is for eating me," the gummy bear growled and began to bring the axe down. My breath caught in my chest. So this is how I would die. Funny, I always thought I would die doing something heroic and incredibly stupid. Not getting cleaved in two by an angry gummy bear out for my blood because I ate him. Wait a second… if I ate him, then why was he here trying to kill me?

The axe fell faster. My eyes were riveted on it. I couldn't move, couldn't even breath. So this is how it would end.

Suddenly, a fuzzy blur appeared from nowhere and latched onto the gummy bear's face. The newcomer chittered angrily as pieces of gelatin flew. The gummy bear's face quickly disappeared beneath the ferocious onslaught and then my savior moved onto the rest of the body. Within minutes, the giant gummy bear was nothing more than a pile of red, gooey chunks.

My savior dropped to the ground and watched me with wide green eyes. I stared back at it in shock. It was a fuzzy white chinchilla! Its ears and tail twitched every so often and the wind ruffled its puffy fur. "Well, aren't you going to thank me?" it demanded.

"Um, thanks?"

"That's better," the chinchilla said, nodding its tiny head.

"What's going on here?" I wondered.

"Isn't it obvious?" the chinchilla answered helpfully. Suddenly, it froze and stared at me with a scary intensity. "Wake up, Enia, wake up."

"What?" I asked, afraid.

"Wake up, Enia, wake up," the animal repeated.

Then it leapt at my face.

I sat bold upright in bed, an unfamiliar blanket falling from my shoulders, and bashed my head on someone else's. The figure reeled back, clutching their head, and tumbled to the floor. "Ow!" yelped a familiar voice.

"Samik?" I asked tentatively.

"Who else?" he asked. Samik stood up and flicked on a light, illuminating the room. I was in one of the small offices on the second floor of the library, lying on a pile of blankets. "What's the matter?" he asked, moving forward to kneel down and take my hand.

"Weird dream," I answered. My heart had finally stopped pounding and I took a deep breath to calm the rest of my nerves.

Zeus and Arin entered the room. "Did you have a dream about a gummy bear trying to eat you too?" Zeus asked.

"Trying to kill me with an axe," I responded. I licked my lips; my mouth felt scuzzy like I'd licked something furry. Seeing my expression, Arin reached into her pocket and pulled something out. She handed me a green toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste. I took it gratefully and scrubbed furiously at my teeth. After a few minutes, I felt exponentially better.

"Come on, I made breakfast." Samik pulled me to my feet and led me from the office and out into the main room where delicious food smells wafted through the air.

"What's for breakfast?" I asked, inhaling deeply.

"I went across the street when everyone was asleep and grabbed some supplies. This morning I made chocolate chip pancakes with bacon, sausages, eggs, waffles, and fresh fruit."

"Yum!"

He led me towards where the rest of the group was crowded around the information desk in the center of the room. Steam was rising from the middle of the circle and the delicious smells seemed to be coming from there. My mouth began to water. Onyx heard our approach and stood up, a piece of bacon in one hand and a half-eaten pancake in the other. She finished the pancake quickly and took a bite out of the bacon. "Samik, you're my new best friend! Enia, I'm taking him from you!"

"Never!" I yelled, latching onto Samik's arm.

He laughed. "Aw, I feel so loved."

The four of us sat down in the circle and William handed out plates. I loaded my plate with awesome smelling food then looked around for some silverware. Seeing none, I shrugged and picked up a pancake with my fingers. Ye Gods, it was delicious! It was the best freaking pancake I'd ever tasted! I'd always known Samik was the best chef in the entire Universe, but actually _tasting_ his food, oh my Gods, it was incredible! There was no way to put into words how yummy it was or how much I loved Samik at that moment.

"Ohmigosh!" Zeus gushed. "Yummyummyummyummyummy! Who knew pancakes could be so delicious?"

"And the bacon!" William added. "I may hate you, but damn can you cook."

"Cook for us more often!" Teemo demanded.

"Okay," Samik agreed, looking embarrassed.

"So, David," I said, chowing down on some delicious bacon. "What are you doing here?"

He set down the apple he was eating. "Well, for some reason my parents decided to come down here for Winter Break."

"Why would you want to come to _Iowa_?" Onyx interrupted.

David shrugged. "I don't know. My parents are weird. When all this shit went down, my parents freaked out and tried to flee. I'm not sure what happened to them. I stayed, got some supplies, and was wandering around the streets with William, trying to find a place to make camp. Pretty soon we'd attracted the attention of a pretty large horde. William spotted this building and we got to it as quick as we could. The building was instantly surrounded. William helped me with the fortifications then took off again, saying something about finding help. I've been here ever since."

I nodded thoughtfully and finished another pancake, the chocolate melting in my mouth. "Interesting."

William opened his mouth to add something, but suddenly there was a loud crash from downstairs. We shot to our feet, food falling from our hands. We ran for the stairs and leapt down them four at a time. We careened around the corner and skidded into the foyer. One of the glass doors was shattered and five rotting zombies were staggering into the building. Their stench was particularly horrendous after the yummy breakfast smells. I tried not to gag.

William and Onyx shifted into their animal forms and leapt into action. Using my powers, I swept some of the rubble into the air and fired the bigger pieces into the heads of two of the zombies. Arin flash-froze the moisture in the air around one of their heads and shattered it; the body collapsed. Seeing that, I suddenly got an idea. A brilliant, insane, and utterly irrational idea. I couldn't put it into action yet, but I would. Soon.

Onyx stomped all over the last two and then it was done.

"We need to do something about that," Samik said.

"Yeah. William, drag those bodies outside. The rest of you, come with me," I decided.

"Why do _I_ have to?" William whined.

"Because none of us want too. Now go do it."

He grumbled something that was probably insulting, but went to grab one of the stinking corpses. David went to help. The rest of us made our way back into the center of the library. "Okay, here's the plan," I said, sitting on a countertop. "We're gonna bring all the awesome books upstairs then use the shelves to block the entrances."

"That sounds like a wonder of work," Teemo grumbled.

"Deal with it."

We scurried away to different corners off the library. I went to the Young Adult Fiction section first and starting grabbing books from the shelves. My arms full, I carried the books up the stairs. Then I came back for more. It was dull and grueling work, but I felt like it had to be done. Books were my friends, my life, my home. They got me through my tedious human life. I wasn't about to let them fall to ruin. Having picked over the shelves, I moved on to the Adult Fiction. Onyx and Minka took my place to find books of their own. Then I moved onto the Children's Room.

The process took the entire day and by the end we were all sweating and our limbs were trembling. Once we were done, Teemo and Samik headed out into the dying twilight rays to erect giant earthen walls around the library (and the playground). The rest of us began to push and shove the wooden shelves up against the doors and windows. "I hate you, Enia," Onyx wheezed once the last shelf was in place.

"Agreed," David said, collapsing and panting.

Teemo and Samik came back and we headed up the stairs. Samik immediately set about cooking dinner. Herb encrusted chicken with rosemary potatoes. Soon mouthwatering aromas filled the air. "So," I said as we sat down to eat. "I was thinking that tomorrow me and Samik could head over to my house. There's some stuff I want to grab."

"Can I come too?" Zeus asked. "I'd like to grab some stuff."

"Will you go to my house too?" Onyx added. "I've got some useful crap."

"Sure," I said, nodding my head.

"Who will be in charge while you're gone?" Arin asked.

"I'm not in charge," I said, puzzled.

"Uh, yes you are," she said, rolling her eyes. "Are you really that dense?"

"Um…" I looked around the circle; everyone was nodding in agreement. Oookay. I wasn't sure how I felt about this development. "Well, who wants to be in charge while we're gone?"

"Me!" Teemo yelled, flinging his hand into the air.

Arin coughed sarcastically, injecting the words, "Bad idea," into it. He made a face at her.

"Sorry, Teemo, but we need someone responsible." I tapped my chin thoughtfully. "Onyx!"

The red-haired girl grinned evilly.

"What! How is she any more responsible than me?" Teemo cried indignantly.

I shrugged and stood up. "I don't know. But I'm going to go to bed." Samik followed me into the small office where I'd first woken up. We said goodnight and settled down into the nest of blankets. My last thought before sleep claimed me was whether or not putting Onyx in charge was a good idea.

**Me: Done! I originally was going to put more into this, but the chapter got long.**

**Teemo: I still think you shoulda put me in charge.**

**Me: Maybe later. So, I'm watching the Super Bowl right now. Well, "watching" is a relative term; I hate football. But the commercials are pretty damn funny.**

**Anyways, I want to put out a couple of polls. Please leave a review with your answer. Number one: who's your favorite character in E.Z.H.F?**

**Teemo: Me!**

**Onyx: No, me!**

**Me: And number two: who do you like better, Samik or William? (And no, William, you aren't allowed to use David's account to vote).**

**William: Everyone knows I'm better than that cowardly tree hugger.**

**Samik: Shut up, puppy boy.**

**William: I am _not_ a puppy!**

**Samik: Fine then, shut up, you cheerleader.**

**William: I am _not_ a fucking cheerleader!**

**Me: Erm… somebody please leave a review to shut them up.**


	18. Going to Get Shit

We woke up early the next morning, Samik, Zeus, and I. After a quick breakfast, we hit the streets, dodging past zombies and stalled cars. My house was about fifteen minutes away from the library, Zeus was another fifteen minutes away from there, and Onyx's house was about ten minutes away from Zeus's. I hoped we would only be gone a couple of hours

We made good time through the desolate city, Samik and me moving at a light jog as Zeus soared above us in her hawk form, scouting for threats. We saw quite a few zombies, but they were easily dealt with. "Hey," Samik said suddenly when we were about halfway to my house. "Did you know that tonight's Christmas Eve?"

"Really?" I doubted anyone still alive would feel like celebrating. They probably wouldn't even remember. I wished there was some way to remind them and give them hope… Wait. Idea in progress. Please stand-by. Would it be possible to string together a bunch of speakers throughout the city? Maybe high-jack the radio towers? Then connect all them to microphones on the roof of the library? We could sing carols and Zeus, Onyx, Minka, and I all played instruments. Sure, we would probably attract the attention of every zombie in Iowa City, but if we could bring the living hope, even a little, it would totally be worth it.

I quickly explained my idea to Samik. He nodded slowly. "That could work. And we could send out the message that we're here to help anyone who needs it."

I nodded, warming to my idea. "We'd need a car, though, to cart all the stuff around. We can probably find the keys to one at my house." I called Zeus down. The hawk circled once before diving towards us, sun glinting off her silver feathers. She transformed into a girl and landed neatly on the ground. Her face lit up when I explained the plan to her.

"Yeah! I can get my cell, you your violin, and Onyx her trumpet or viola, and everyone else can sing! It'll be great!"

Then, suddenly, we were on my street. I froze, staring at the carnage.

The bodies of my neighbors lay strewn on the ground, gnawed upon, almost unrecognizable. What had once been my neighbor's really annoying beagle was scattered across the street, its head on one side, its back paws on the other. Blood coated its muzzle. More blood was splashed on the houses and bullet holes pock-marked their walls. Zombie corpses lay slumped on the ground, off times splayed across the gnawed on bodies of a late neighbor. There were a couple of cars crashed through fences or into houses, some with their occupants still inside.

I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists, almost overcome with rage. Samik saw and came over to place his hand on my shoulder. "Enia…"

I shook him off. "I'm fine. Let's just go."

I started to stride forward, wanting to get it over with, when something orange came streaking out from beneath a car and leapt straight at my face. Reflexively, I caught it; it was warm and soft to the touch. Claws bit into my hands. I realized it was a cat; my neighbor's cat who I'd always watched when they were out of town. His name was Fidel. His thick fur was a rich orange color and he was just about the biggest scardy-cat you'd ever meet. But I loved him a lot.

I cradled Fidel's trembling body to my chest and stroked his head. "Shh, Fidel, shh," I whispered. "Everything's alright. _You're_ alright. I'm here and I'm going to protect you. I promise. You can trust me…" I talked to him until his quaking ceased then I looked up at Samik and Zeus. "E.Z.H.F. now has a mascot," I said, holding Fidel up.

"Aw, he's so cute!" Zeus squealed, rushing to pet the cat. She tickled him behind the ears and he purred, leaning into her hand.

"Awesome," Samik said, grinning.

Zeus took Fidel from me and we continued down the street. I kept my eyes riveted firmly on the skyline until we turned onto my alley. There was only one car left in my driveway. The bright blue minivan was gone, leaving only the white Honda. We mounted the steps on the porch that my dad had built by himself and tried the door. It was locked, of course. I had figured it would be, but it didn't hurt to check. Luckily, I was very skilled at breaking into my house.

Within moments I was inside. **(A/N: Did you actually think I'd tell how I break into my house? Ha. Silly people.) **I looked around. Everything was the same as I remembered it. No looters had come, no zombies had broken in… it was eerie. Shaking my head, I went and unlocked the door for Samik and Zeus. They came in and looked around, as surprised as I'd been. "No one's touched it," Zeus whispered.

I nodded and stared at the floor. Samik took my hand and squeezed it. Zeus moved over to the dark wood dining table and ran her finger over the newspapers strew across it. Her hand came to rest on a folded piece of lined paper. "Enia," she said quietly. "This one has your name on it."

"Huh?" I looked up. She was holding the piece of paper out to me. I took it hesitantly and slowly unfolded it. My mother's handwriting covered the page.

_Enia,_

_I don't know if you will find this, but I hope you do. I hope you're alright and not dead or something. I don't know what happened to you after you jumped out the window, but I hope you aren't doing anything too stupid. Anyway, in case you come back, I wanted to tell you that we've decided to leave. We've heard rumors of a place safe from all this. They say it's military run. It's far outside of town at an old warehouse near the river. If you ever read this, I hope you will decide to join us._

_Enia, you can't fight this by yourself. You may think that you can make a difference, but you'll just end up getting hurt or killed. So please don't try, for us. Come and find us; we'll be waiting._

_Love, Mom, Dad, and Zach_.

I clenched my fist angrily, the paper disappearing into it. I threw the note down on the table and stalked out of the kitchen and headed up to my room, grabbing a backpack on the way. Samik quickly caught up with me. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing," I said shortly. "They're safe."

At the top of the stairs, he caught my arm and spun me around. "That wasn't nothing."

I sighed, not meeting his eyes. "They've never believed in me. Never. They don't think I can do anything, they don't think I'll _ever_ do anything useful. They're telling me to not even try. To sit back and accept what's happened. That's what _they're_ doing. They're letting someone else solve all they're problems. Well, that's not what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna fight this thing as hard as I can. I'm gonna fight and nobody can stop me."

"I'm not going to stop you. I'm going to fight with you," Samik promised, taking my hand.

"Me too!" Zeus yelled, coming up the stairs behind us.

I grinned. "Let's do it then."

I turned and ran into my room, trying to look around too much. I grabbed all the notebooks I'd ever written stories in. There were seven: my Purple Tractors notebook, the one with Rites in it, and five other composition notebooks. I also grabbed the Zombie Survival Guide, Zombie Combat Manual, and World War Z. Then I grabbed my baby blanket, named Fishy, and an old stuffed panda named Shu-Shu. Call me sentimental, but I felt better with them. I also shoved some extra clothes in the backpack. Samik came out of my brother's room with a backpack full of clothes then we headed downstairs.

We went into the guest bedroom. I checked for the laptop, but it was gone. Instead, I grabbed my dark blue violin case and shoved some music into my backpack. I loved playing my violin. In seventh grade, I'd named it Vio, not because it was a violin but after Purple Link in Legend of Zelda: Four Swords. (Yes, I was that much of a nerd.)

We loaded the rest of the space in the backpacks with food then I hunted around for the Honda's keys. They were near where the note had been. We exited and I locked up. Zeus and Samik headed towards the car, but I stood on the porch and stared up at the house where I'd spent my childhood. It was strange to think that I might never see it again. That it might be destroyed the next time I came back. "I est ce o. For comee seital keoful maridan."

Be safe. Be protected from harm…

I jumped down the stairs and opened the driver's door, sliding onto the leather seat. "What was that about?" Samik asked as I started the car.

"Nothing," I answered. "Just making sure that no one bothers it."

He nodded and I pulled out of the driveway.

I drove carefully through the streets, trying to avoid running over any of the bodies. "You drive like a grandma," Samik grumbled.

"I'm trying not to hit any of the bodies," I retorted.

"You still drive like a grandma," he repeated quietly.

Seeing a long stretch of open road, I suddenly slammed on the accelerator, making him bash his head on the headrest. He yelped in surprise. Then I stomped on the brakes and he bashed his head on the dash. I grinned evilly as he rubbed his forehead. Zeus tapped on the back of my headrest. "Hey, I'm here too."

"Sorry."

"I promise to never diss your driving again," Samik groaned.

"Good boy."

It took us about fifteen minutes to get to Zeus's house because lots of the streets were full of stalled cars and wandering corpses. And because I managed to get us lost at least five times, even with Zeus directing me. "You suck at this, Enia," she grumbled when I finally pulled onto her street.

"Do _you_ want to drive?" I demanded, turning the car off.

"Not really."

"Then shut up."

We got out of the car and observed the silent street. There didn't seem to be any zombies around, but it didn't hurt to check. We darted up the street and Zeus eased the door open. The house was dark. She slipped inside and we followed, listening for sounds in the quiet house. First, Zeus ran upstairs to get her cello. Smaik and I headed into the kitchen to load up on more food. A minute later, Zeus came back down with a backpack on her back, dragging her purple cello case behind her. "Anything else?" I asked.

She shook her head, looking sad.

Sensing her distress, I walked over and placed my hand on her shoulder. "I'm sure they're fine, Zeus. In fact they're probably at the same place as my parents."

She nodded and we started to leave. I popped the trunk of the car and Zeus slid her cell inside. "Hey, Enia," she said suddenly, her hand on the door handle.

"Yeah?"

"Will you do the same thing to my house that you did you yours?"

"Sure, Zeus, no problem."

"Thanks." She opened the car door and got inside. I turned back to the house and repeated the Ward. A soft wind rustled the leaves of the trees when I finished. I walked back to the car and got in, turning it on and backing out of the street. "Anyone know how to get to Onyx's house?' I asked, picking a random direction and heading that way.

They stared at me blankly.

"Well, let's wander around until we find it."

So we did. Thirty minutes passed and I still hadn't spotted any clues that would lead me to Onyx's house. Suddenly, Samik yelled for me to stop the car. I slammed on the brakes, sending his head into the dash again. "What?" I demanded.

He pointed out the window at two large, heavy-duty looking wooden crates, rubbing his head with his other hand. "What're those?"

I shrugged and the three of us got out of the car, our curiosity winning out over common sense. I checked the area for zombies as Samik approached the crates and cautiously prodded one with his toe. Zeus and I joined him and together we examined the boxes. They were made of a thick, industrial-looking wood and were nailed shut. One side read, "Fragile. Do not tip."

My eyes gleamed. "I wonder if they hold weapons, or explosives, or liquid nitrogen!" I was thinking of the brilliant idea I'd had when I had seen Arin flash-freeze zombies' heads.

"Let's take 'em with us," Samik suggested.

"Okay." The two of us each hefted a crate into the air and began to stagger back to the car. Inside the boxes, something clinked. We made it to the car, but I suddenly realized that I'd stuck the keys in my pocket. "Crap," I muttered as I slowly lowered the crate to the ground. I fished around in my pockets for the keys. They weren't there. I pulled on the door; it was locked. Finally, I peered through the window and there were the keys… in the ignition. "Crap," I repeated.

"What?" Samik demanded, joining me at the window. I pointed at the keys and he thumped his head against the car, groaning in exasperation.

Behind us, Zeus sighed. "What did you do now?"

"Erm… I kinda locked the keys in the car," I replied sheepishly.

Silence. I guessed that she was shaking her head. That was about when the moans reached us. "Shit," Samik and I said in unison.

Zeus moved closer to us. "Enia…"

"I know."

"No, look."

I followed her pointing finger. Zombies were pouring out of every available spot and staggering towards us. We were surrounded. "Double shit," I breathed and yanked on the door handle. "Openopenopenopen!"

Samik took my hand. "That's not going to work."

"Yeah, well, what else are we gonna do? Oh, wait. Magic!" I snapped my fingers and pointed at the lock. "Barrock!" Something in the car whirred and clicked and the next time I yanked on the handle, the door popped open easily. I glanced at the approaching horde; they were getting too close for comfort. "In, in, in!" I yelled. Zeus and Samik leapt inside, Samik haphazardly throwing his crate inside. I tossed mine in after them and jumped into the driver's seat, slamming the door behind me. I turned the car on and put it in drive, slamming my foot down on the accelerator. The wheels spun, but remained in place. I banged on the steering wheel, took my foot off the pedal, and brought it down again, yelling, "Work, damnit!"

"Enia?" Samik asked nervously. The first zombies were only a few feet from the car, their gray faces leering at us.

"Not now," I growled, putting the car in reverse and trying to get it to start that way. Nothing. The first fist thudded against the window. More joined it and soon the entire car shuddered beneath the blows. One somehow got up on the windshield and pressed its face against the glass, its mangled mouth working. I made a face at it. In the back, Zeus was hyperventilating.

Calmly, Samik reached across me and opened the sun roof. "What the hell are you doing?" I demanded.

"Try to get the car started." He stood up and poked his head out the hole, and began to attack the zombies.

I turned the car off and restarted it. The engine spluttered to life slowly. I slammed on the accelerator again. The wheels spun, but we didn't move. I couldn't tell if it was a problem with the car or the giant mass of zombies clustered around us and were beginning to creep up the car towards Samik. I banged on the dash and let out a long string of curses in Elvish.

"I'm guessing I don't want to know what you just said," Zeus said from the back.

"Probably not." Oh, how were we going to get out of this?

"Enia?" Samik called. "I can't hold them off for much longer." He sounded nervous. In the back with Zeus, Fidel howled frightfully.  
I punched the steering wheel with all my strength, bruising my knuckles. "Baka! Emeo fala kero marcan farshi ols ma geta!"

Suddenly, the car lurched forward, spilling some of the zombies off the roof. Huh. Apparently swearing and threatening to kill inanimate objects could get them to work. Useful information to know. I floored the gas pedal and we inched forward, bumping over the bodies of the zombies. We moved slowly through the throng. The corpses snarled at us and clawed at the windows, leaving behind putrid yellow smears. Finally, we were clear of the horde and Samik slid back down into his seat with a sigh of relief. I unrolled my window and stuck my head out. "Ha! Take that ya fuckers!" Laughing crazily, I pulled my head back in and we sped off to find Onyx's house.

* * *

After a while, Samik spotted Oakland cemetery and we knew we were close. I waved to the Black Angel, protector of the graveyard. Onyx's house was at the bottom of the hill. I parked the car as close to the door as I could and we got out again. I checked behind us for the horde. I could hear very faint but distinct moaning. We didn't have much time.

Zeus tried the door; it was locked. Great, another problem. I knocked, hoping Onyx's parents were home. "Move aside," Samik said after no one answered. Zeus and I backed away, wondering what he was going to do. He frowned at the door then drew back and kicked it open with all his might. It flew inward and banged against the wall.

"That works," I said, blinking.

We entered carefully. I was ready to get assaulted like I had been the last time I'd been there. But the house remained dark and silent. I packed up Onyx's viola, named Lucius, and her trumpet then darted upstairs to grab her Swiss Army Knife as Samik and Zeus raided her kitchen. We searched around for her two cats, but they were nowhere to be found. They were outside cats though. Maybe they would find us. Suddenly, Samik tossed me another set of keys. "I figure we could use another car."

"Okay. Who's going to drive?"

"I can," he said. "I sort of know how from being in your head while you were learning."

"Alright. Why don't you take this car," I tossed the keys back to him, "and follow behind me and Zeus?"

He caught the keys easily. "Got it."

We left the house and put the door back in place. I repeated the Ward and Zeus and I got in the white Honda while Samik got in Onyx's battered green Subaru. Fidel climbed over the seat to sit in Zeus's lap. We pulled out of the driveway and began to drive back to the library. Zombies staggered past us, arms reaching. Zeus stared at them with wide eyes. "Enia?"

"Ya?" I swerved to avoid a car with a smashed windshield and a zombie ran into a car, leaving behind a smear of blood.

"When you kill them, the zombies, do you feel bad? Do you feel guilty? Are their faces there when you close your eyes at night?"

"No." I wrenched on the wheel and dodged a tipped truck by a quarter of an inch.

"Why not?"

"Because it's my job to protect the humans."

"But they were human once, too."

"True, but the way I see it is that there are two sides to every war. And this _is_ a war. I chose to side with the living therefore the dead are my enemies. Also, maybe we're doing the zombies a favor by killing them. We don't know if there's anything left in their minds. Maybe there's some part of them left that is still who they were and they're watching what their bodies are doing with disgust, but they're unable to do anything about it. In my eyes, we're freeing them."

Zeus nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. Thanks, Enia."

"No problem. I know this must be pretty tough for you."

"You don't seem to be bothered by it."

"That's because I bury those feelings as deep as I can and don't talk about them with other people."

She looked at me, Fidel cradled in her arms. "That may not be the smartest idea, Enia."

"I know, but it's the way I am."

"Promise me you'll talk to me if you need to?"

"Of course." I smiled at her. "Thanks, Zeus." Although, deep down, I knew I wouldn't. I tended to bottle up all my feelings and snap at people if they tried to ask if I was okay. Maybe not the best idea in the long run, but I wasn't comfortable talking about my problems or feelings.

* * *

It took us a while to find our way back to the library. Zeus made fun of my driving and navigating skills, and I proved exactly why you shouldn't antagonize the person driving. Together, we laughed at Samik's driving as he lurched along behind us. Finally, we made it back. We parked the cars and got out, staring up at the stone building. There was light blasting from every window and music blaring from some speakers. "What the hell are they doing?" I wondered aloud.

**Me: Okay, so I lied. I think this might actually be the longest chapter. And I think this is a good time for a wrap-up/summary/thing. So, here we go.**

**Zombies attack my hometown and I leave with my brother's shotgun and a crowbar to go find Onyx and Minka and form and Elite Zombie Hunting Force. We get in trouble with the police and get attacked by zombies. We beat them off, but get kidnapped by some annoying government people. I wake up and Samik calls my attention to the fact that I've regained my true elven form! I bust out of my room and run off to find Onyx and Minka while testing out my new powers. …Then I got Writer's Block for about a year and stopped writing. When I picked back up, I skipped over the break-out part. We discover that we're in Wisconsin and we begin to make our way back home, hitch-hiking and fighting zombies and military personal alike. Samik tells us to go to Creekside Park and he, my parents– Teemo and Arin– are waiting for us there! Great big family reunion! We decide that we need human weapons because for some reasons humans don't like magic, even if it's trying to save them. Onyx takes us to a pawnshop. I get a double-edged sword, Samik a katana, Teemoa giant ass battlesword, Arin a rapier, Onyx a cudgel, and Minka a dagger. Then we go to find Zeus. She joins our group, we get in more trouble with the police, and William shows up. He and Samik get in a Comp-Off that's really just Samik beating William up. Finally, we get him to tell us why he's here and we rush of to rescue David. First, though, we rescue someone from the zombies (but they kill themselves), put out a fire, and get in a mud fight. And we meet Riskapoop, the Rainbow Sparkle Glitter Unicorn Pegasus Pony that eats rocks and shits zombies! Then we realize that we're really, really tired so we raid a grocery store, load up on sugar, steal a cop car, and go rescue David! The next morning we start making the library into a fortress. Which brings us up to this chapter. Samik, Zeus, and I head out to get stuff from our houses. We find some mysterious crates. I leave Onyx in charge. That leaves us with these burning questions! What is in those crates? What will Onyx do while she's in charge? And what is Enia's brilliant idea for killing zombies? Find out next time on E.Z.H.F!**

**Okay, that was really long. Sorry. I felt it had to be done. Not, in other news… Onyx is writing the next chapter from her POV!**

**Most everyone (including me): Hooray!**

**A Select Few: Uh oh…**

**Onyx: *growls and viciously attacks the Select Few, tearing them to pieces* What to rephrase that?**

**The Select Few: *painfully* Yay…**

**Onyx: That's better.**

**Me: O.O Erm… I'm glad I wasn't in that group.**

**Teemo: Why didn't you leave me in charge? Onyx is no more responsible that I am!**

**Me: I promised Onyx I'd leave her in charge.**

**Teemo: Humph.**

**Me: Okay. Bye everyone! R&R?**


	19. Onyx and Riskapoop: An EZHF Short

**Me: Soooo, this is not Onyx's chapter. Obviously. She's taking a long time. And I'm annoyed at her. She's had, like, three week. So I wrote this little E.Z.H.F. short mainly 'cause I was bored. Yes, I know it's random, probably not particularly good, and I do realize that I broke the fourth wall, like, three times. Please don't flame me or hate me or something. Like I said, I was really, really bored.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruit Ninja, bacon, or Beggin' Strips. Onyx owns Riskapoop.**

Onyx and Riskapoop

An E.Z.H.F. Short

Onyx loved competition. She loved to win too and she almost always did. And, if she somehow lost, she would angrily kick the winner in the shin to make them regret beating her before storming away in a huff. And the competition Enia had suggested to see who would save the human first was her favorite kind. Teemo, Arin, and Zeus didn't stand a chance! Onyx and Minka were so totally going to own them! Bwahahahahaha! Ack! Hack cough! Augh! Fly!

Anyway, they would need a master, unbeatable plan. And Onyx thought she knew just what that plan should be. "Keep going!" she yelled to Minka as they ran around the chain link fence circling the City High football field. "I have a plan! They won't be able to beat us!"

"What are you going to do?" Minka asked, her dark hair flying out behind her.

"Go find a friend." Onyx turned away from the other girl and started running, turning into her super badass horse form midstride. She made it to Creekside Park, home of the Portal, in record time, leaving an imaginary trail of destruction in her wake. But now the question was how to open the Portal; that was Enia's area of expertise, not Onyx's.

She splashed into the creek and stomped around a bit, wondering what to do. "Goodness gracious," she muttered as nothing happened. She performed what she hoped was a Portal dance then, in an enormous stroke of luck and a bout of authorial laziness, the Portal opened up and sucked Onyx into its swirling darkness. _Well, that's convenient,_ she thought as it spat her out onto a grassy plain. Onyx looked around for some indication as to what she was. On top of a majestically rolling hill, she spotted a magnificent castle. The sun shone through its rainbow-colored, crystalline walls and colored the land around it with dancing beams of lights. Towering spires rose towards the sun, twisting around themselves like massive curly-cues. Dark shapes flitted around behind the translucent walls and more moved around outside.

Onyx grinned and began to canter up the slope, her long legs quickly eating up the ground. She crested the hill and started towards the castle which was even more massive-looking now that she was close. She skidded to a halt and stared up at the building, having to crane her long neck to do so. "That's a big building," she breathed. She trotted forward, meaning to storm through the doors and demand to see the Queen. But before she could even get close to the huge carved doors, a black-clad figure ran into her path and called for her to halt. "State your name and your business!"

"My name is Onyx Aurora!" Onyx yelled, striking a dramatic pose. "I demand to see Rodriguez!"

The ninja, for it was a ninja with rainbow colored eyes that peered out from beneath his black mask, regarded her suspiciously. "The Queen of the Unicorns and Father of the Ninjas doesn't see just anyone."

Onyx shook her mane and stomped her front hooves indignantly. "I'm not just _anyone_! I'm Onyx Aurora, ambassador for the Seven!" That was only half true. Yes, Onyx was a member of the Seven, a group tasked with protecting the Universe, but they actually only knew who three, maybe four of the members were, and no one had elected her ambassador. But the ninja didn't need to know that.

His eyes widened with surprise. "Of course. If you would follow me…" He turned and headed up to the castle.

Onyx shook her man again and followed, clopping almost daintily through the grass.

The ninja led the horse through the twisting, glittering hallways. It was disconcerting to look down and see the room below beneath your feet, but luckily carpets covered a large portion of the floor. Large, ornate weavings hung from the walls, depicting scenes from the castle's past. The first showed a majestic rainbow-colored horse with a spiraling horn on its forehead and wings sprouting from its back. It was rearing up on its hind legs and pawing the air, a cape billowing about its body. Onyx knew this figure to be Riskapoop, the Rainbow Sparkle Glitter Unicorn Pegasus Pony named Rodriguez who ate rocks and shitted zombies and who was the Queen of the Unicorns and Father of the Ninjas. The unicorn was on the next tapestry as well, standing on a platform high above a crowd of black-clad figures. The rest of the weavings depicted various battle scenes, each extremely detailed and incredibly gory.

They stopped before a set of heavy wooden doors with another picture of Riskapoop etched into their faces. The ninja pushed the doors open. Aw… Onyx had wanted to kick them down. Onyx walked past the ninja and into the room, her head held high. Riskapoop was sitting on his rainbow glass chair, playing with a sock monkey. He looked up and frowned when Onyx entered. Then he went back to his play.

Onyx had a sudden thought. A random and totally unrelated thought that was really just the authoress's curiosity inserting itself in the story. She turned back to the ninja standing outside the door. "Hey, are any of you guys Fruit Ninjas?"

The ninja jumped at the mention of the name; it obviously meant something to him. "Wh-where did you hear that name? It's supposed to be highly classified!"

Onyx rolled her eyes. "Obviously not so classified. Where I come from, we have a whole app based off them."

"An app?" the ninja asked curiously.

"It's like a video game," Onyx explained.

"A video game?"

"Never mind."

The ninja shrugged and slunk away, leaving Onyx alone with the Queen of the Unicorns and Father of the Ninjas. The unicorn finally placed his toys aside and looked at Onyx. "Well? What do you want?"

Onyx squared her shoulders and marched forward, her hooves clacking on the crystal floor. "I need your help, majestic Riskapoop! A rescue mission of sorts! In the Human Realm! I must win the competition and you are a sure ticket to victory! So, will you help me?"

"Why should I help you?" Riskapoop asked skeptically.

Onyx didn't even bother with the whole 'be a hero' crap. "Because I'll give you bacon!"

Riskapoop considered the proposal. "Okay. But none of those gross Beggin' Strips. Godfrey says those are disgusting!"

"Who's Godfrey?" Onyx asked curiously.

"My alien dog who can turn green and invisible…at the same time!"

Onyx's eyes bugged out. "Whoa!"

"So, do we have a deal?"

Onyx nodded and the two of them raced from the castle, Riskapoop flying on his three foot wings and Onyx running on her four hooves. They made it to the Portal in record time (mainly due to another bout of authorial laziness). Riskapoop used his mystical unicorn powers to open the swirling vortex up then they both leapt through. Onyx led the way back to the high school, confident that she was going to kick her competitions' asses.

Onyx skidded to a halt in the slushy mud and struck a heroic pose, calling out to her fellows that she was here to save the day!

And they started _laughing_ at her, claiming that she'd missed the whole thing! Onyx couldn't believe this shit! She'd done all that work for nothing! She wanted to bash some heads in. Particularly Enia's since she had started the stupid competition in the first place. Teemo's too since she viewed him as her main competition.

But worst was the embarrassment. She'd dragged Riskapoop here for nothing. But Riskapoop didn't seem terribly put out by it. He flew away nonchalantly, shitting a zombie for them as his form of a present.

Curses, foiled again.

**Me: See! I told you it'd be weird! But I hope you liked it anyways. Please don't flame me for breaking the fourth wall, sometimes I just can't resist. Let me know what you think! There'll be more of these coming! The next is the scene where Teemo and Zeus go blow up the kitchen!**


	20. An Epic Battle

An Epic Battle

It may be sad, but Fan fiction is kind of my life. I _love_ it. It's so much fun! Websites where I can find stories on anything from Harry Potter to Legend of Zelda to Lord of the Rings, all written by people like me. I love to read it to see what other people think about the things I love, and I love to write it to put my own views out there and to see what other people think of my writing. It's fun to get into conversations with people from all over the world and to read so many different styles of writing. So yes, maybe it makes me a mega-nerd, but I _love_ Fan fiction. But Fan fiction is not the only thing I write. I also write original stories. Stories I hope to get published one day. If that ever happens, I would love to have people writing Fan fiction about it. It would be the ultimate form of praise. People love my characters enough that they want to continue with their story even after the book has been closed. They want to think about what could happen next to the characters. And isn't that what writers are supposed to do? Make people think? I love Fan fiction and I would give it the a-okay if I were a published author. And some authors agree with me, but others… well, they can't stand it.

So what exactly _is_ Fan fiction? It is a massive archive of stories that are based on a favorite work of the writer or reader. It is a giant network of people of all ages who all love one thing: reading and writing. It doesn't matter where in the world they're from, or what gender or race they are. Fan fiction is a universal thing. People of all ages can be found writing Fan fiction. I have met college students, kids a few years older than me, kids my age, and kids younger than me. Most readers don't pay attention to your age; as long as you have an interesting story to tell, they don't care. It is also a lot like folklore and can be a "creative form of criticism". (Schaffner 5). Maybe the writer of the fic doesn't like a certain book and wants to write a parody making fun of it. Maybe they want to rewrite the ending or change a character pairing. Maybe they want to remake the story to their liking. In the words of Lev Grossman, journalist for Time magazine, "Fan fiction is what literature might look like if it were reinvented from scratch after a nuclear apocalypse by a band of brilliant pop-culture junkies trapped in a sealed bunker". He also calls it the "cultural equivalent of dark matter", meaning that although it is extremely immense in content, most of the general public doesn't see it and has no idea that it exists (Grossman). Fan fiction is written by regular, everyday people, who love the characters of books, movies, games, or whatever so much that they want to write their own stories using those characters.

Some authors love Fan fiction. Lots of bestselling authors, like Sarah Rees Brennan, author of The Demon's Lexicon, and Meg Cabot, started out as Fan fiction writers. Brennan thinks that Fan fiction is "a huge compliment paid to a creator or writer" and says that it feels like people are saying, "your playground is so fascinating, I had to come and play in it, and I made friends there!" Some authors still do write Fan fiction like Naomi Novik, author of the bestselling _Temeraire_ novels. Other authors, like J.K. Rowling and Stephanie Meyer, have also given Fan fiction a green light because it gives their work a "viral marketing agent" (Grossman). The authors are glad that they've got people thinking enough about their books to write a story of their own and that people care enough about what happens to their characters that they want to continue on with those character's stories. That is the beauty of Fan fiction.

But then there are the authors who hate Fan fiction. They say that people who write Fan fiction are just ripping stories off from other peoples work (Schaffner 1). Robin Hobbs cannot stand Fan fiction. She thinks it is like "intellectual theft" and "intellectual laziness" and it lets people "pretend to be creating a story by using someone else's words, characters, and plot." She believes that the "first step to becoming a writer is to have your own idea" (Cathy). Other authors, like Orson Scott Card, say that they will sue fan fiction writers because they believe that the act of writing fan fiction is a "violation of their copyright and their emotional claim to their own creations." They say it is like having their kids "kidnapped by strangers" (Grossman). Scott Card also says that Fan fiction is an attack on his means of livelihood. Anne Rice also does not allow Fan fiction on her work because her characters are copyrighted. George R.R. Martin (A Game of Thrones) and many others are emotionally attached to their characters. Martin thinks of his characters like his children and Ursla K. Le Guin thinks Fan fiction to be an invasion rather than an act of sharing (Grossman). Some authors are so attached to their characters, they live and breathe and think about them all day long, and the idea of anyone else loving and using them is something like sacrilege.

But what some of these authors who are opposed to Fan fiction don't realize is that many classic works of literature are really just adapted versions of older stories or legends. Long ago, creating original characters wasn't an important part of a writer's job; they just had to write the story. Romeo and Juliet is an adapted story and lots of books used minor characters from other books as their main characters. And, although vehemently opposed to Fan fiction, Robin Hobb writes Star Trek novels that are "licensed by the copyright owner" though the license comes from the corporation and not the actual creator of the characters (Cathy). But these works are not considered Fan fiction. They are written for profit whereas Fan fiction is not.

Some people have also asked the question: Is Fan fiction even legal or ethical? The key issue is obvious: copyright. The way around this issue is something called fair use. "If a work qualifies as fair use, it can borrow from a copyrighted work without permission and without paying for it" (Grossman). There are four factors to determine if something qualifies for fair use. Supreme Court Justice David Souter says that something is fair use if the work cannot be considered "competition for the original work in the marketplace." If it can be considered "transformative." If it "borrows from the story, making something new with a further purpose or a different character." Or if it alters and has a new purpose or a new meaning, message, or expression (Grossman).

Both sides of the story considered, Fan fiction is definitely a controversial issue. Some authors love it, some think it is good advertising for their books, and some believe it is a violation of their copyright and their emotional ties to their characters. But are the writers of Fan fiction really stealing from the authors? They are the readers. They experienced every step of the journey along with the character. They agonized over every decision and plot twist. They cried with the characters and they laughed with them. They cheered when the good guys won and sneered at the villains. They spent their time (that could be spent doing more productive or important things) talking with their friends about what they had read and what they wanted to have happened, or what they thought might happen next. They invested their time and in some cases, their money in the stories. Don't the readers have a sort of emotional claim over the characters, albeit in a different way? Shouldn't they be allowed to keep the characters story going even after the cover of the book has been closed? To keep the characters alive in their hearts and minds? And to share that love with the rest of the world? Shouldn't we, as devoted readers, have that right?

**Me: POISSON D'AVRIL! Or APRIL FOOL'S DAY! Hahaha! This is actually my speech from English 9! Psych! And you thought that I, Enia Silverson the craziest author out there, wouldn't take advantage of April Fool's Day. Teehee. Joke's on you! Hahahaha!**


	21. One Giant Ass Party

**Enia: Onyx took too long. I'm annoyed at her. Her chapter (if she ever even _starts_ it) will go in as an E.Z.H.F. short. Also, before I forget, I've rewritten the first three chapters of the story and I'm planning on rewriting at least one more as well. Nothing plot-wise has changed; they're just funnier and better written. I would suggest reading them. Onward to writing!**

**One Giant-Ass Party**

**Disclaimer (courtesy of Samik): Wait! You're forgetting something really important! Enia Silverson and the cast and crew of E.Z.H.F. are in no way advocating the use of alcohol under any circumstances. In fact, Enia despises it and thinks all its forms smell disgusting. This entire chapter is to show why you should not drink extensively during a zombie apocalypse (or an apocalypse of any kind). She hopes you take this message seriously.**

**Enia: Phew. Thanks, Samik.**

**Samik: No prob.**

**Enia: Hey, have you ever noticed that the word 'circumstance' looks an awful lot like the word 'circumference'?**

**Samik: And why do I care?**

**Enia: I don't know.**

**Anyways.**

**Onward to writing!**

**One Giant-Ass Party (For Real This Time)**

"What's going on up there?" I wondered, staring up at the building. There were lights flashing from all the windows. Loud, Norwegian rock music shook the glass panes. The sounds and lights were quickly attracting mobs of zombies from the surrounding streets.

Samik started to pull the bags of supplies out of the car. "Let's go find out."

I nodded and heaved the last wooden crate out of the car. Zeus grabbed her cello, my violin, and Fidel, and we all put on a backpack. Balancing the crate on the hood of the car, I banged my fist on the rock wall surrounding the library, creating an arching doorway through it. Zeus entered first then Samik and I followed, struggling with our boxes. I kicked my heel against the wall and the doorway closed up right as the first zombies reached it. Zeus opened the doors for us and held it as we entered. We staggered into the main room of the library. The music was even louder in there and I could see lights flashing against the stairs. And speaking of stairs…

I froze and stared dejectedly at the accusing stone steps. Screw this. I was _not_ hefting the two ton crate up two flights of stairs. I employed my greatest talent. Magic! Solidifying the air beneath my feet, I levitated a few feet above the first stair. I drifted towards the second floor, lifting myself higher whenever I needed too. "Damn, why didn't I think of that?" Samik wondered.

"'Cause you can't bend air," I replied.

"No, but I can accomplish the same thing with earth!" Samik stomped his foot and a clump of earth jolted out of the ground to carry him up the stairs. Zeus followed us the normal way. I set myself down on the carpet of the second floor and gratefully dropped the box, relieved to be rid of its weight. "We're back!" I called.

Then I noticed the mayhem

The flashing lights alone were enough to give anyone seizures, but combine them with the blasting music and my head was about to explode. My first question was how they had gotten all the equipment to work, but then I wondered how they had even _gotten_ it in the first place. Then I decided it didn't matter; I was going to kill whoever was responsible anyways.

Someone had created tables out of piles of books and put platters of various snack foods on top. William was hanging from the ceiling. …? David was sprawled on the Customer Service desk with what looked like whipped cream and Sharpie on his face. Teemo was chasing Onyx around with a desk lamp. And Minka was watching all the proceedings with headphones in her ears and a bemused look on her face. Arin was nowhere to be found.

"What's going on here?" Samik wondered.

"All I know is that if somebody doesn't turn off those lights in five seconds, I'm going to kill them," I answered.

"I'm kind of scared right now…" Zeus said quietly.

Something banged on the metal door of the elevator next to the stairs. I jumped. "Help!" yelled a familiar voice.

I cautiously moved over and laid my ear against the steel. "Arin?"

"Enia! Thank the Gods! Let me out of here!"

"Why are you in the elevator?" I asked.

"How did they even get the elevator to work?" Samik added.

"And why haven't you escaped yet?" I finished.

"Open the damn doors and you'll see," Arin snapped.

Samik pressed the button and the doors dinged open. Arin was sitting in the center of the elevator, tied to a chair and looking peeved. "Do I want to know what happened?" I asked as I went to untie her.

"Onyx decided to have a giant, over the top party and I objected. She called me a stick in the mud and got everyone to help tie me up. Even Teemo!" She sounded most indignant about the last part. The ropes fell to the ground and Arin stood up angrily; ready to go give someone a piece of her mind.

"Hey, Enia!" Onyx called suddenly from the library. "What's in these?"

"What?" I responded, leading the way out of the elevator. Onyx was standing before the wooden crates, prodding one with her foot. "Oh, those. I'm not entirely sure. We found them by the side of the road, but we didn't have time to open them before the zombies came and surrounded us. I was hoping they held, like, weapons or food or something."

"Let's open 'em!" Onyx yelled. "William, get me a crowbar!"

"How can I? I'm tied to the ceiling," he replied dryly.

"Then David! Get me a crowbar!"

"He's unconscious," Teemo reminded her.

"Then wake him up and go get it!" she ordered.

"Why don't you do it yourself?" Teemo grumbled, but he went to do it anyways. I watched him shake David up a bit then get fed up and dump him off the counter. David startled awake. I smiled a bit when David rubbed his face vigorously and the whipped cream got spread everywhere. Teemo left him there and disappeared into the depths of the library. Two minutes later, he was back, twirling a crowbar from hand to hand. He returned to us and wordlessly handed it to Onyx. I was surprised he didn't make a joke or some snide comment.

Onyx took the crowbar and braced the curved end in the crack between the lid and the rest of the box. She leaned her weight on the other end and the nails slowly squealed out of the wood. She set the crowbar down and paused, hands on the lid, and looked at us each in turn. "Hurry up already," Teemo grumbled.

Onxy made one final face at him before shoving the lid off. It hit the floor with a bang. Everyone crowded in to see what it held. "Someone cut me down!" William wailed from the ceiling. "I wanna see, too!"

"Please don't," I begged. But Arin took pity on the creeper; probably because she'd been tied up herself. She sent a blade of air at the rope, slicing through the hemp with ease. William crashed to the floor. I must admit that I did get a small amount of pleasure out of that. (Okay, that made me sound like a total bitch. But I really hated William. Although, I would've felt very guilty if he'd actually been hurt. But, unfortunately, William appeared to be indestructible). He pushed himself to his feet and dusted his clothes off, glaring hotly at Onyx. Then he walked over and joined us.

Everyone turned back to the box. It was filled with green, brown, and clear-colored bottles with various colored tops. Onyx pulled one out. It was a bottle of very high quality gin. "I was right!" I yelled happily. "Explosion central here we come!" I'd always wanted to try a Molotov cocktail…

But Onyx obviously had other ideas. She got a sly grin on her face and a shifty look in her eyes. She rubbed her hands together gleefully. "We could do that…or we could use them to take this party to the next level!"

I instantly got her meaning. "No! No, no, no! _Bad_ idea, Onyx."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Stop being such a stick in the mud, Enia."

"I'm not being a stick in the mud! I'm using common sense!"

"Enia, you have said time and time again that you have no common sense."

"Then I'm being reasonable!"

"You are the least reasonable person I know."

"I'm being logical!"

"Logical is illogical and therefore irrelevant."

"Don't use my own catchphrase against me!"

"Come on, Enia! It'll be fun!" Teemo added. And he was supposed to be the adult.

"Oh no, I've seen what happens when you get into the Duice!"

Teemo pouted a bit. Suddenly, William pushed his way to the front. "I doth challenge Samik Brekin to a drinking contest for the hand of Enia Silverson!"

Ye Gods. Where was a wall that I could bang my head on repeatedly? I was getting really tired of the whole Samik/William conflict. William just needed to accept the fact that I hated him and I would never leave Samik for him. He needed to get over his childish grudge and grow up. Because if he didn't I was going to kill him.

"I accept," Samik said quietly.

My head snapped around to stare at him in shock. "What?"

"I said I accept," Samik repeated.

Arin and I continued to stare at him in shock. Zeus gasped dramatically. Teemo whooped loudly and clapped Samik on the back. Onyx grinned and started to pull bottles of alcohol out of the crate. David jeered at Samik and told him he was going to get his ass whupped. William cracked his knuckles threateningly. Minka continued to regard us with an amused expression.

I grabbed Samik's arm and pulled him away from the group. "What are you doing?"

"Challenging William to a drinking contest, I think."

"You don't have to do this."

"I'll get him off our backs if I win."

"And if you lose? What then?" I hissed, digging my fingernails into his arm.

"Then you can punch him in the face and we'll throw him out the window. But I don't think I'll lose. Remember the sugar?"

That. I remembered that time. Had it really only been one or two days ago? Everyone had been loopy and sugar-high, but Samik, who'd eaten as much sugar as the rest of us, had stayed totally sober. He had some kind of freaky tolerance. But would it be the same for alcohol?

I voiced the question. Samik told me to stop being such a worry-wart and led me back to the group. "This is a bad idea, Samik," Arin said automatically.

"Maybe. But I'm doing it anyways."

"This can only end badly!"

Teemo came up behind her and grabbed her by the arms. "You're not going to be a buzz-kill, are you, Arin? 'Cause if you are, you're gonna have to go back in the elevator."

She struggled against him. "Teemo! You're supposed to be on my side!"

I watched Teemo drag Arin back to the elevator. She was wailing on his shins with her heels and stomping on his feet. Her orange braids danced around as she shook her head, smacking Teemo in the face repeatedly. He just took it and grinned. He got her into the elevator and sat her down on the chair. "This will end badly for him," I commented, watching him begin to tie his wife up.

"She's going to kill him when she gets free," Samik agreed.

Teemo finished tying Arin up and left the elevator, turning to blow Arin a kiss. She shrieked one last thing before the doors dinged shut. "You'll regret this when everything goes wrong and I'm not there to save your asses!"

Her words would prove to be strangely prophetic.

* * *

Five minutes later, the scene was set. Onyx had dragged one of the wooden reading tables in front of the Customer Service desk and Teemo had brought over two of the chairs and set them up on either side of the table. Then Onyx had placed two bottles of alcohol in the center. David had gone off to find cups and had come back with two of those dinky, paper, little-kid-snack-time cups. They had characters from the Lion King on them. I had set up spectator chairs in a semi-circle around the table, although I knew they would end up discarded in five minutes time.

And the players were ready. Samik and I stood on one side, me giving him an awesome pep talk. David and William were on the other side and I could vaguely hear David assuring William that he was going to "kick Samik's ass." Psh. Yeah right. Puppy-Boy was going down!

Teemo leapt up on the table, making the bottles rattle slightly. "Contestants, take your seats!"

"Let's go, William!" David yelled as William flopped down in his chair.

"You got this, Samik," I added as he slid lightly into his chair.

"Onyx and Minka, if you would pour the first shots…" Teemo continued. My two friends moved forward and filled the paper Lion King cups to the brim. "Prepare thineselves, contestants…" he said dramatically. They wrapped their hands around the cups. William glared around Samik. Samik grinned back. Teemo look at each of them in turn. "Three…two…one…DRINK!"

They knocked back the shots simultaneously. William swallowed it expressionlessly, but Samik grimaced and stuck his tongue out. "Eesh, that's gross. Why do people drink this stuff?"

"I do not know," I answered.

"Want to pull out, Tree-Hugger?" William asked, smirking maliciously.

"You wish, Puppy-Boy," Samik replied.

The smirk dropped off his face like butter in a pan. "Why you little-!"

"Another shot!" Teemo yelled, interrupting the budding argument. Onyx and Minka moved in to refill the cups. The contestants drank the shots without a grimace. And the competition was on.

Ten shots later…

"You don't stand a chance!" William cried. His face was starting to look a little red. Samik said nothing.

Ten more shots later…

"Ya! I got dis!" William's words were starting to sound a little slurred. Samik rolled his eyes.

Eight shots later…

"I wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv you, Enia! And you're gonna wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv me after this!" the idiot werewolf slurred. Ugh, now he was delusional!

The bottom of the bottle or fifteen shots later…

"Break open another bottle!" Teemo called. Onyx brought it forward, cracked it open, and refilled the soggy cups.

"Woo!" William yelled, raising his arms clumsily in the air, only succeeding in smacking himself in the face. David groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose as Samik yawned and checked his imaginary watch.

"Drink!" Teemo commanded.

And they drank.

Thirty shots later…

"This is ridiculous," I whispered to Onyx.

"But highly amusing," she replied as William mumbled something about making me love him and turning me into a lycanthrope.

"He's going to fry his liver pretty soon," I predicted.

"Yes. But how is Samik still so unaffected?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea. But it's kinda scaring me."

Nine shots later…

William belched loudly and blinked heavily, gripping the table with white knuckles. Samik leaned back in his chair and propped his feet up. "Hit me," he said calmly. I whooped and pumped my fist in the air.

The one hundredth shot mark and the end of the second bottle…

William finished the last shot with difficultly. "I give," he gasped before dashing out of the chair to go throw up out the window. I shrieked with delight and tackled Samik, sending him crashing to the floor. The cup disintegrated into a pulpy pile of mush in his hand.

"Celebratory shots all around!" Teemo yelled, opening another bottle and taking a swig. He smacked his lips thoughtfully. "I still prefer Duice." He passed the bottle around and everyone took a sip except for David who mumbled something about unintelligible and went off to find William, and Zeus who just shook her head.

Then the bottle came to me. I took a careful sniff and grimaced. Ye Gods, it smelled gross. "Take a drink!" Teemo pressed.

"I don't know…" I murmured.

"Do it!" Onyx ordered.

"Stop peer pressuring me!" I cried, but I took a tiny sip anyways…and immediately sprayed it out again. "Ye Gods, that's _disgusting_! How did you _stand_ it, Samik?"

He shrugged modestly. "I stop tasting it after about the fifth shot."

"I'm going to go find the sugar," I decided. "You guys can drink this crap."

"I want sugar too!" Zeus agreed. "Alcohol is nasty!"

* * *

The party began in earnest. Teemo quickly succumbed to the alcohol, yelling and prancing around and literally bouncing off the walls. Onyx started giggling uncontrollably, her face bright red. Minka went off into her own world, smiling dreamily to herself and banging her feet on the desk she was sitting on. I grew more and more talkative with each bit of sugar I consumed. Samik didn't change, but he also didn't drink anymore of the booze. David and William didn't reappear.

The music got cranked up until it made the windowpanes shake and our heads started to buzz. Everyone started to sing along giddily and in very off-key voices, even though none of us knew any of the words. "Let's go downstairs!" Teemo suggested, hiccupping.

No one thought to disagree. We cheered heartily and paraded down the stairs, tripping over our feet. "I'm a birdie!" Teemo yelled. Flames were flickering up and down his arms and each stop he took left cracks in the floor.

"No, _I'm_ the birdie!" Zeus argued, transforming into her silver hawk form and soaring around.

Everyone oohed and aahed. The lights pouring down from upstairs reflected off her feathers and danced across the ceiling. It looked to me like there were two hawks in the air. Maybe I'd had a little _too_ much sugar. Or maybe it was that tiny bit of alcohol I'd consumed. But that was ridiculous, wasn't it? "No fair!" Teemo shouted, flinging out his arm…

His powers reared their fearsome heads, his control over them weakened by the alcohol. A fireball burst from his hand…punched through the wall of the library…and smashed a hole straight through our protective wall outside. All the merriment stopped at once as we stared uncomprehendingly at the new entrance into our fortress. Already, dark, misshapen figures were pushing through the rubble and staggering towards us. I noticed dimly that the sky was still blue.

The moaning overpowered the blasting music. The dancing lights illuminated the grotesque faces briefly then flashed away, leaving spots of color burning on my retinas. Somewhere in my addled brain, I knew that we should do something about the giant hole in the wall, but I couldn't seem to make myself move.

"Opps…" I heard Teemo mutter.

The first ranks were in the library, their smell penetrating my muddy senses. I gagged violently and fell to my knees, head whirling. I heard someone throw up and that brought around another bout of retching. "Get up, Enia! Samik yelled, tugging me back to my feet. My knees wobbled and I clung to him for support.

"I think you should go get Arin now," I whispered in his ear.

He nodded and swiftly disappeared, leaving me standing there swaying. Wow, my head really _was_ spinning. The zombies' dimensions were distorted and their distances from me swelled and diminished. I saw two zombies corning Teemo, but they were identical and I couldn't tell which was real. They would be on him at any second. I sent a desperate wheel at the zombies, but it slashed straight through an arm without leaving a mark. Teemo stumbled back, running into an empty bookshelf.

A flash of movement tore my attention away from Teemo's predicament. There were two pairs of shifting, identical zombies coming towards me. Which was real? And how close were they? "G-get away," I ordered as I started to stagger away from them.

One of the zombies lunged forward. Cold fingers scratched along my cheek. I shrieked and threw myself backwards. Too close! Too close! My calves struck something lying on the floor and I lost my balance, falling and striking my head hard on the thinly carpeted concrete. My vision swam. The zombies were now just featureless blobs.

I scrambled backwards desperately. How close were they? How close! My back struck something hard. A bookcase! Shit! The zombies were now defiantly closer than I wanted them to be. I placed my hand on the floor beside me and swept it up and across my body, encasing myself in a cocoon of earth. But it was as weak as my concentration and even flimsier than my resolve. It wouldn't last long. _Shitshitshitshitshit_, was all that was running through my head when the first dead fist struck my protective shell. The rock shook. More fists joined the first. My head throbbed with each beat. Bust rained down on me.

The first pinprick of light fell on my eye and was immediately covered up again by a dead fist. It reappeared, disappeared, reappeared. With each thud, the cracks around it grew. More dust fell in my eyes, making them water.

_Ohshitohshitohshitohshit._

_I should fix it, but I can't. I can't. I can't make myself move. I can't do it. I'm terrified. I'm dead. Oh Gods, I'm dead. My lucky streak has finally run out. I'm going to be devoured. Oh Gods, I don't want to be devoured. Someone save me. Please! Help me! Help! Ohshitohshitohshit!_

The only thing between me and my death broke.

The bag of cold, dead, decaying, skin fell on me. I flung my arms up and managed to catch it on its chest, its clothing crumbling to bits beneath my fingers and drifting down to land on my cheeks. Its deformed face leered and snapped at me, blood dribbles of I-didn't-want-to-know-what swung from its teeth. The cords in its neck bulged as it strained for me. There were tears welling in my face, thankfully distorting its terrifying image.

Then something grabbed my ankle.

I shrieked and lashed out with my other foot. I lost my hold on the zombie's chest. It fell towards me, but somehow my forearms got lodged in its throat. Its face was only inches from my own. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the terror to go away. Something tugged on my flailing ankle, trying to get it to stay put.

_Holy shit, I'm dead. I'm dead! I'm dead. Holy shit. I'm really going to die! _"HELP!" I screamed as my strength began to give out.

The zombies mouth came closer. My flailing leg slowed down. Any second now. At any second I was going to feel jagged teeth tear through my skin then It was going to be all over for me.

But then, a miracle. The weight was torn from my arms and I heard a loud ripping noise. Then the hand disappeared from my ankle. I opened my eyes and carefully sat up, trembling. The room was filled with dust, but I could see an obviously alive male figure standing close to me. My savior. _(How was I not dead?)_ I threw myself at him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Oh, thank the gods, Samik! Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Uh…" said William.

I froze then instantly shoved him away. We stood there awkwardly for a few moments. "Uh…thanks," I said finally.

"No problem," he muttered.

"Enia!" Samik yelled. I turned around. He was running frantically towards me through the dust and smoke. I noticed that all the zombies were on the floor, motionless, and that the hole in the wall had been repaired. Samik grabbed me in a tight hug, almost crushing the air from my lungs. I squeezed him back, closing my eyes and trying to shut out the world. "Are you alright?" he demanded.

"I'm fine," I answered, my voice muffled by his shirt.

He broke the hug and held me at arm's length, staring deep into my face. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," I forced a smile and started shoving my unruly feelings down inside me and locked them away. "That woulda been a sucky way to die on Christmas Eve."

He frowned. "Don't joke about this, Enia."

I smiled more convincingly. "I'm fine, really. But…do you mind if I head upstairs?"

He nodded and touched my cheek gently. "Of course. Go ahead. We'll clean up down here."

"Thanks." I walked away, picking my way carefully through the noxious bodies, but I could still hear the two of them talking.

"Thank you," Samik said to William. "For saving her."

"Uh, yeah, sure," the werewolf answered. "Is she really okay?"

I imagined Samik shaking his head. "No. No one would be okay after something like that. And Enia, well, she doesn't like sappy feelings or things like fear. I don't know if it's just because she doesn't like dealing with them or because she thinks they make her seem weak. The only ones she lets show are happiness or anger. Other ones she buries deep inside herself and doesn't talk about. She jokes about things that make her uncomfortable. And since she jokes about everything, it's hard to tell what she's actually feeling. So no, she's not okay."

"And you're just going to let her walk away?"

"I think she would prefer to be alone right now."

Thank you, Samik. I _did_ want to be alone. I didn't want to have to deal with the questions or people trying to comfort me. I carefully mounted the stairs and made my way slowly to the second floor. "Come here," I heard Arin snap. "I'm going to cure you of your stupid drunkenness.

I realized that my sugar-high was gone without a trace.

"Glory halle-glue-yah!" Teemo cheered. There was a loud, wet thwack that I guessed was Arin using her water powers to heal him. "Ow!" he yelped. "That was harder than it needed to be!"

I allowed a small smile to show as I let myself into one of the offices, closed the door behind me, curled up under one of the desks, shut my eyes, and started to shake.

**Enia: And that, Dear Readers, is why you do not drink excessively during a zombie apocalypse. And you thought this story was never going to teach you any life lessons. But, for those of you who hate stories with messages, this is probably the only chapter that will have one. And I do realize that the amount of alcohol Samik and William consumed was totally unreasonable. Their magic powers let them drink that much. You also learned a lot more about me than I would like. But I hope you enjoyed it anyways! Toodles! Leave a review!**


	22. Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

It was close to six o'clock when I finally emerged from the office, yawning and rubbing one hand across my eyes. I'd been in there for about three hours, trying to compose myself enough to face the world. It took me awhile to accept the fact that I wasn't dead or dying and that I was safe. Then I started beating myself up over the fact that I didn't do anything to save myself; that I just sat back and trembled. I swore it would never happen again. I would never put myself in that kind of helpless, stupid situation again. I would never do anything to hamper my ability to survive. Although, that didn't mean that I was going to stop doing stupid and dangerous things during my mission to save the world. Because that was just too much fun.

The first thing I noticed when I entered the library was that Teemo was crouched on top of one of the bookcases. I stared up at him curiously. "What are you doing up there?"

"Arin chased me up here and said that if I came down, she would hit me over the head with Samik's frying pan then throw me out the window for the zombies. What were you doing in the office?"

"Oh, having a mental breakdown. You know."

"I see. And are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Thanks for asking." I loved how Teemo didn't press for details. He figured that if I wanted to talk, I would. "I'll go see if I can get Arin to agree to let you down."

He nodded in agreement. "Great. Thanks."

I raised a hand in farewell and walked away, heading towards where the rest of my friends were congregated. Samik saw me first and grinned, stretching out his hand. I took it happily and looked around at my friends. Everyone was present and accounted for, except for Teemo who was hiding on top of the bookshelf. "So, I take It nobody's dead?" I asked.

"No, the cavalry got there before the zombies could take a bite out of anyone," Arin answered. She still looked kind of pissed.

"Oh, yeah. Teemo wants to know if he can come down."

Arin turned her head to glare in his direction. "No."

"But he feels _really_ bad about what happened and he's _really_ sorry," I said, trying to be as convincing as possible.

Arin shook her head, crossed her arms, and stuck her nose in the air. "No. I'm still mad at him."

"But we're going to need his help to make this plan work," Samik argued.

"You told them about that?" I asked, turning to look at him.

"Yeah, and we started to plan out some of the details," he answered.

"Awesome! Less work to be done!" I turned back to Arin. "So will you let him down?"

She sighed dramatically. "Fine, I suppose I was a little hard on him. Teemo!" she called. "You can come down!"

"Hooray!" he cheered, hopping lightly down from the bookshelf. "Can I have a hug?"

Arin couldn't stop a small grin from surfacing. "You're impossible to stay mad at. Come here." She opened her arms to him. Grinning happily, Teemo stepped into her embrace. A few seconds later, she pushed him away and pointed a finger in his face, fixing him with an intense stare. "_Don't_ do it again."

"I won't," he promised. But we all knew that asking Teemo not to do anything stupid was like asking a bird not to fly.

"So what have you guys gotten done?" I asked Samik.

"Well, we ran across the street and carted over a drum set, some mikes, and some giant speakers. We got some wires and crap too, but none of us know how to work them," he explained.

"I know how." David pushed his way to the front, a book clenched in his hand. "I've been reading up on it and I think I can get it set up. Also, I think I figured out how to string them across the rooftops so we can broadcast it across the town."

"As long as you don't blow anything up," I answered. "Go ahead. Be back in a couple hours."

David nodded. ""Got it. Come on, William." The two of them hurried away, bounding down the stairs and out of sight.

"What should the rest of us do?" Onyx asked.

"Eerm…" I muttered, casting my eyes around.

"What's Christmas without a Christmas tree?" Zeus suggested.

I jumped at the idea. "Perfect!"

"Where are we going to get a tree?" Minka pointed out.

"Uh…_outside_?"

"What about ornaments?"

"Lots of stores sell ornaments this time of year," Samik added.

And so it was decided. We scurried from the library and clambered up the wall. For once, we were in the clear in regards to zombies. We dropped lightly to the ground one by one. My head snapped around, searching for threats, then we ran off to the right towards the only Christmas store downtown. It was only about a block away. I could see shadows shifting in the corners of the buildings, but no monsters dropped out at us.

The Christmas store was silent when we arrived and nothing stirred inside its dark depths, but I could see that something had happened in the store. Shelves were tipped over and ornaments had been spilled across the floor. Smalls droplets of blood splattered the windows. But I could see no people; living or dead.

I slipped forward cautiously and tried the doorknob; locked. I cupped my hands around my eyes and peered through the window, trying to see through the gloom to paint a picture of what had happened. But no theories presented themselves to me. Maybe the zombies had shambled out a back door after their feast…or maybe there was a giant mob hiding in the shadows, not yet aware of our presence. "Do we go in?" I asked, taking a step back from the store.

"Might as well," Teemo answered.

"Okay." I laid my hand over the lock and cast a look back at the group. "Ready?" Everyone nodded. "Barrock!" Something in the handle clicked, but I didn't open it right away; some instinct mad me stop. Something felt off.

The next instant, a grotesque zombie staggered out of the shadows and slammed into the door. Everyone jumped and I leapt back reflexively. The corpse leered at us, its lip torn away to reveal bloody teeth. "Well, that was unexpected," I said lightly.

Teemo snorted.

"Okay, so, I'm going to pull the door open. Zeus, can you shoot it from the other side when it comes through?" I suggested.

"Sure thing." She stepped out of the group and we moved into position. Zeus leveled the gun at the zombie's head. I crouched down and grasped the door handle.

"Ready?" I asked. She nodded tensely, knuckles white on the gun. "Three…two…one…" I twisted the knob and yanked the door open. The zombie lurched out into the open. Zeus's gun went off. The zombie pitched to the side, black blood erupting from its head to splatter the glass door I crouched behind. A spider web of cracks appeared in the grass where the bullet struck. The zombie tumbled to the ground. I stood up and grinned. "Whoo hoo!"

"What do you think? Zombie kill of the week?" Onyx asked.

Close, but no cigar. Zombie kill of the week goes to Jack Sprack of New York for his night of flamethrower fun.

We entered the store cautiously, fanning out as soon as we were inside. Teemo and I clicked our fingers and held balls of fire aloft to illuminate the scene. We could see a great deal of the store, but the very back faded into darkness. There was blood everywhere, coating the ornaments and painting the walls. Shelves were tipped over and I could see a leg and foot poking out from under one. "What happened here?" Arin murmured.

Something rattled in the back of the store before we could answer her. Everyone tensed, hands going to their weapons. I crouched down and laid my hand on the cold stone floor. "_Phosphate Tyra_." The words rolled off my tongue and a shiver ran through my body. The floor lit up like a radioactive Christmas tree. Behind me, someone screamed. My head snapped up and I stifled a startled shout. Of course. Because it wouldn't be Christmas without a Santa zombie, right?

The abomination was on the far side of the store and limping towards us on a foot that was pointing the wrong direction. Santa's red sweatpants were ripped and stained with dirt and black blood. There was a giant hole around one knee and the flesh had been gnawed down to the bone. His gold belt buckle was a disturbing brown color and it just barely fit around his waist. Santa's incredibly obese stomach had been ripped open to reveal a new kind of red and white; bloody intestines and broken ribs. One of the Santa monster's arms was gone and the shredded red jacket sleeve fluttered in the empty space like forgotten flesh. His beard was askew and stained with blood that matched the drying liquid around his mouth. Bits of white hair were tangled in his slimy teeth. His jolly red hat was gone, replaced by a coating of blood across a mangled face that was missing a nose and an ear. "…That's really gross," Teemo said.

"I will never look at Santa Claus the same way again," Zeus agreed.

I laughed. "If you think that's bad, you shoulda seen my 'A Purple Tractor's Christmas Special' story."

"Oh dear Gods, that was disturbing," Arin groaned. "She made Santa a clichéd pedophile freak. I was mentally scarred for life."

I grinned. The Santa zombie staggered forward. Something moved to my right; I spun around. "Ah hell no…"

Santa Zombie had a zombie minion. A ridiculous looking human in a red hat with twisted pointed ears, a red and green striped vest, and curly-toed shoes. I groaned despairingly. "Gah! Stereotype!" Teemo shrieked, drawing his sword and flinging himself at the zombie with a savage cry. The heavy blade sheared through the plastic ear and the skull beneath. The zombie collapsed and Teemo kicked it, setting the offensive corpse alight. Teemo really didn't like Santa Elves.

"It's okay, Teemo," Arin said. She moved forward and laid his hand on his arm, gently leading him back to the group.

Santa Zombie was only ten feet away now. It snarled at us, black goo dripping from its mouth. "How shall we kill it?" I asked, regarding the monster with my head cocked to the side.

"It should be dramatic," Onyx said thoughtfully.

"And appropriate for the season," Samik added.

I looked around the store, then bent down and picked up a solid-looking gold start that was lying at my feet. I started humming as I drifted towards the zombie. It snarled at me. I twirled around it and burst into song; my friends joined me. "_We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas_…" Santa Zombie lunged at me, but I spun deftly out of the way. "_We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!_" On the final word, I dodged around Santa's reaching arms and buried the gold star in his rotting head. Santa Zombie collapsed like a sack of forgotten toys.

Everyone cheered. "Now _that_ was _defiantly_ zombie kill of the week," Onyx declared. No one disagreed.

"What do you think happened here?" Zeus asked.

I surveyed the devastated store, trying to fit the pieces together. "My guess is that they let a bitten person in, not knowing that a bite meant death. The victim died and returned and bit those other people. Somehow, they either killed the zombie or drove it out. Then they either didn't figure out that they were already dead or they didn't have the guts to kill themselves. So they came back and were trapped in here with no way out. It's the way most people probably died; trying to help someone but not knowing the consequences of their actions."

"It's so sad," Zeus sighed.

"Yeah," I agreed. "But we can't do anything about it now. The only thing we can do is try to save those still alive."

"Which is why we're doing the Christmas thing."

"Exactly. So let's get a move on; we're burning daylight."

The seven of us scurried around the store with shopping carts, finding the biggest artificial tree and loading up the ornaments that weren't covered in blood. We left the building after a few minutes, our carts jingling over the rubble. The sun was just starting to put itself to sleep and beautiful splashes of orange and yellow painted the blue sky. Teemo opened a hole in the wall and we entered, pushing our burdens in front of us. The entrance sealed up again and we wheeled the carts into the library. "I hate stairs," I grumbled as I stood before my old enemy.

"That's why they invented the elevator," Samik responded, grinning.

"But there's no electricity."

"Are you sure about that?" He pressed the button and the elevator doors slid open with a ding. I decided not to question it; instead I shrugged and maneuvered my cart into the small space. Everyone else crowded in with me and someone pressed the second floor button. Thankfully, the ride was short because I really hated being surrounded by people. The doors opened once more and we poured out of the cramped elevator like water rushing between rocks.

"How are we going to get all this crap up to the roof?" Teemo asked.

"Easy," I answered. "Go find some baskets and rope. A couple of people will go up to the roof and tie the baskets to something. Then they'll lower the baskets down and everyone else will load 'em up."

"Bags will work too," Samik added. "Let's go."

We scattered into the far reaches of the library and reunited within minutes with piles of bags, baskets and rope. We tied the rope to three of the biggest baskets then Samik, Teemo, and I shimmied out the windows and up to the roof. David and William were already up there, putting the finishing touches on a complex looking sound system. "Hey," I said.

"Hey," they replied.

Suddenly, awkward, I turned away and began tying the rope around a thick pipe. I felt like I should say something to William; thank him for saving my life or something. But I didn't know what to say. I turned around again, opening my mouth to thank him, but the words caught in my throat as they always do. Then the moment had passed. Samik and Teemo were beginning to lower their baskets and I had to hurry to join them. _Later_, I promised myself, _later_. Although, I knew it probably wouldn't happen.

The process of hoisting the ornaments up took about a half an hour. Then Onyx, Minka, Arin, and Zeus joined us and we set about putting the tree together. We decorated it together, all nine of us, laughing and joking, and showering each other with tinsel. Even with how big the tree was, we were done quickly. The final product was ramshackle, disorganized, even a little sloppy, but it had heard and it was pure. It was the most beautiful Christmas tree I'd ever seen. I smiled and reached for Samik's hand. "Ready?"

They were.

We took our places at the microphones, Minka behind the drum set. I tapped mine and the clunking sound reverberated through the speakers. With butterflies dancing in my stomach, I opened my mouth and began to speak, hoping I wouldn't choke up or end up making a big fool of myself. "Hello, Iowa City. I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I hope you can. My name is Enia Silverson and me and my friends are coming from you live from the roof of the public library. Say hello, guys."

One by one, they stepped forward and murmured a greeting and their names into the microphone.

"I know how you're feeling. You're terrified and confused, hurt and maybe even angry. And that's okay. That's perfectly natural. But do you want to know something weird? Today's Christmas Eve. I myself didn't even know until Samik told me this morning. But I got this idea. Christmas is supposed to be all about love and hope, right? So, I thought we'd bring you guys just a little bit of hope. Lights!"

Onyx flipped a switch. The bulbs on the Christmas tree flickered to life, then all along the wires connecting the speakers to the other rooftops, more lights came on. It looked like the entirety of Iowa City had been lit up; I smiled.

"_We wish you a Merry Christmas…"_ I began slowly.

Everyone else joined in. I dropped out to play my violin because I was a really terrible singer. Zeus's cello joined me, accompanied by the sounds of Onyx's trumpet and a slow drumbeat. Arin, Minka, William, and David were actually pretty good singers, but Teemo…well, let's just say that I got my singing skill from him. The funny part? He was the loudest.

"_And a Happy New Year_!" We finished the first song and Arin led the way into _Jingle Bells_.

We were starting to attract a crowd. The only problem? They were all dead. They reached up at us and moaned; the sound almost overpowered our singing. Bastards. I stopped playing for a moment to turn up the volume.

_Jingle Bells_ became _Deck the Halls_.

I could see movement on some of the surrounding rooftops. Small pinpricks of fire burst into life and began to sway, and other faint voices joined ours. So people were alive!

We sang for about an hour until our throats were dry and the sound system was beginning to give out. _Feliz Navidad, Santa Claus is Coming to Town_ (even though that song scared me), _Silent Night_, and many others. "Thank you for listening," I finished, my voice coming through the speakers in crackling bursts. "I hope that brought a little light into the darkness. I'm sorry, but we've got to go before the sound system breaks completely. If you ever need help, you can count on us. Come live with us, if you like, you know where to find us. If you're stuck or in need of help, send out some kind of signal; I promise we'll see it. Good night all. We really must go. We have to deal with the giant horde of zombies surrounding us before they break through our defenses. Good night all!"

Samik turned the power off and we were plunged into darkness. That was when the cheering began.

**Enia: Sniff, sniff, I think I'm going to cry…just kidding. Honestly, I don't know how plausible any of this chapter was, but, and you would be able to guess this if you've paid any attention to my character, I don't care! I just thought it was fun!**

**Samik: I thought you said none of your chapters were going to have a message.**

**Enia: I said I wasn't going to try and shove messages down people's throats.**

**Samik: Ah.**

**Enia: Well, good night, everyone! …Wait, it's only 2. Never mind. See ya!**

**Samik: Bye! Leave a review!**


	23. Apparently We Stole Their Booze

Apparently We Stole Their Booze

(Molotov Cocktails Are Fun)

"Iiiiiiiiiiit's snowing!" Teemo bellowed at the top of his lungs, graciously waking me out of my peaceful slumber.

Eight voices chorused at once: "SHUT UP, TEEMO!"

"But it's snooooooooooowing!" he crowed. "And it's Christmas!"

"And we care, why?"

"I don't know. Oh yeah, and there's someone knocking on our door."

That woke everyone up. We scrambled from our blanket nests, stumbling and tripping in our haste. Teemo led the group through the silent second floor and down the dark stairs. The first floor was equally dim and the smell of rot still hung faintly in the air. I wrinkled my nose; we would have to get some Febreeze or something.

Teemo went through the doors first. We left them open now; our rock wall would protect us. He gestured vaguely at the unseen street. "They're on the other side of the wall."

I rolled my eyes, brushing a piece of falling snow from my face. "No, really. I thought they'd gotten through the impenetrable stone and were standing here beside us, invisible."

Several of my friends hid grins as Teemo made a face at me.

Samik walked forward and tugged on the rope ladder that had been erected sometime while him, Zeus, and I had been gone. "Shall we go say hello?"

Everyone agreed and we headed up the ladder, Teemo first, me last, and everyone else in between. As soon as Teemo's head appeared over the top of the wall, angry voices broke out on the other side. I saw him wave, but he didn't say anything until the rest of us had joined him. There were ten grungy men standing on the street below us amidst the corpses of the zombies we'd killed the night before. They were shaggy and unkempt in dirty clothes, their backs bristling with weapons in addition to the ones they held in their hands. One of them, their leader I presumed, stood slightly in front of them, holding a shotgun in a threatening fashion. His greasy brown hair hung in scraggly waves about his scowling face which was have masked by his tangled beard. I could've sword that I saw a bit of food stuck in it. I instantly dubbed him Mr. Happy Face on account of his pleasantly grinning countenance. "Which one of you is the leader?" he demanded.

My friends and I shared looks. "We don't exactly have an official leader," Arin said.

So Mr. Happy Face's gaze latched onto the toughest looking one of us; William. It made sense that the human would assume William was in charge. He was big, well-muscled, and scowling, emanating an air of confidence and violence in his battered leathers and angry expression, whereas the rest of us just looked like regular people in our baggy sweatshirts and dirty jeans. As powerful as we were, none of us exuded the same natural 'Fear Me' vibe that William did. Also, we were all sort of scrawny and thing, not obviously muscled like William was. "You in charge here?"

"If you like," William answered coldly.

"I've got a bone to pick with you."

"Really. Which bone?"

I hid a grin at Mr. Happy Face's confused expression. "…What?"

"You said you had a bone to pick with me. Which bone? The humorous, femur, radius…" William rattled off a bunch of other bone names. We were all openly grinning now. As much as I hated William, I had to admit that he'd come up with a brilliant comeback.

Mr. Happy Face grew angry, his already stony expression becoming even harder. He waved his gun at us angrily. "Don't be smart with me, boy!" he snapped. "It's just an expression! I've got a beef with you!"

"Really? I like beef."

Teemo laughed and Mr. Happy Face fired a warning shot in the air. "Now y'all listen real good and enough of the bandying words!"

I rolled my eyes and groaned theatrically. "The poor grammar…it burns…" I murmured under my breath to Onyx. She laughed quietly.

"What do you want?" William asked coldly, quickly growing tired of this pompous man.

"We want what you stole from us back."

"Thank you for that very descriptive explanation," I said in what I thought was a soft voice.

Not soft enough; Mr. Happy Face heard me. He turned bright red and pointed his gun at me. "Shut your face, girl, before I blow it off!"

I yawned and patted my mouth with my hand. "Why don't you just tell us what you want," Arin suggested, matching William's cold tone perfectly.

"Those two wooden crates full of booze."

"And you just assumed that we took them?" Samik asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

"You know what they say," Zeus added. "Assume makes an ass out of you and me."

"I _know_ you took it!" Mr. Happy Face yelled. A bird took to the air, cawing with startled intensity. "Only drunk idiots would pull the stunt you did last night and we saw the lights coming from this place the night before."

"Who says we were drunk?" Minka demanded, glaring down at the vagabonds. (Now that's a good word, vagabonds). "And even if we were, that doesn't mean we were drinking 'your' booze." You could practically hear the quotation marks around 'your'.

Mr. Happy Face gestured wildly at the Honda. "I saw that car drive off!"

"Yeah, but did you _see_ one of us taking the crates?" David asked. I liked how we were all ganging up against the vagabonds.

As Mr. Happy Face spluttered, Onyx touched my arm lightly and disappeared down the ladder. I watched her go briefly before turning my attention back to Mr. Happy Face and his comrades, wondering what she was up too.

"I _know_ it was you!" the man in the street yelled.

"Careful," Teemo warned. "You might strain something. Not to mention attract some unwanted visitors that we certainly won't help you deal with."

"Like we'd need your help," Mr. Happy Face sneered. "You bunch couldn't take a single zed."

"Um, hello? Do you _see_ the piles of bodies around you?" David asked.

"We're also the ones with all the weapons," the vagabond threatened vaguely.

I yawned with exaggerated boredom and stepped forward to the edge of the roof, spreading my arms out. "Go on then, shoot me."

Mr. Happy Face stared at me suspiciously. "What?"

"You heard what I said. Shoot me."

Shrugging, he raised the gun and took aim at my chest. A sharp crack split the still air. A puff of smoke exited the muzzle. A small piece of metal flew straight at me…only to find that I was no longer there. I was sitting on the edge of the wall, banging my feet on it idly. Mr. Happy Face gaped at me. I gave him a bright smile. "Somehow, I think we'd win."

The man regained control of his expressions. "Whatever. Just give us back what's ours."

"Alright," Onyx said, appearing behind us. She was holding a bundling of clinking rags in her arms. She pulled a bottle of alcohol out and held it up. "This what you're looking for?"

Mr. Happy Face nodded.

Onyx bopped her head as if that was what she had expected all along. She uncapped the bottle and stuffed a rag in its mouth. "A light, if you please, Enia."

"My pleasure." I rubbed my fingers on one end of the cloth. It sparked and caught on fire.

"Here you go!" Onyx yelled, flinging the flaming bottle at the vagabonds.

Their eyes widened. "Scatter!" the leader yelled and turned tail like a rabbit. The Molotov Cocktail struck the ground and erupted in a blast of flames, searing the zombies to a crisp and tanning the vagabonds' fleeing backsides. Onyx hurled another after them for good measure and we laughed as the explosion caused them to jump three feet in the air.

"Merry Christmas!" we yelled at their retreating backs.

**Me: Well, that was fun. Bit of a change from the longer chapters we've been having. Hope you enjoyed it. It's been a while, I know. Been distracted with the end of school and the start of Camp Nanowrimo. That's still going on, but I thought I'd take a short break even though I'm about 20,000 words behind. Oh well. In about two weeks, I leave on vacation. We won't be bringing a laptop, but I'll have my notebook. Hopefully I'll get another chapter done before we leave, though.**

**I'll love you forever if you leave a review!**


	24. Kitchen Go Boom: An EZHF Short

**Enia: So, I got a review recently. And normally, that's great! I love reviews. It's nice to know there are people out there who are reading what I'm writing (and that I'm not just talking to air). But this was not a warm and fuzzy review. First off, they used the f word way to many times (not that I'm against a little swearing, but this was a bit much), and they basically told me I'm a shitty writer and EZHF is incredibly stupid and bad. I'm sorry to bore everyone with this author's note, but this person doesn't have an account. If they did, I'd PM them directly. And I'm not the kind of person to just let things go. I have to say _something_. And I'm trying really hard to not go off on a big 'fuck you' rant the way I want to. I'm working to control the little anger issues I have sometimes. But this time, I'll be polite.**

**Yes, EZHF is random, sill, and I'll admit it, not terribly well written at times, but the randomness was the whole _point_. I have fun writing it and it was just supposed to be something silly for people to read and laugh at. I'm of the firm opinion that magic makes everything better. That's why I put in elves, horses, werewolves, and other things. Because what's better than beating zombies up with magic? Or at least, that's what I think.**

**I'm also a firm believer in the saying, if you don't have anything nice to say then DON'T SAY IT. I love constructive criticism, don't get me wrong. I welcome it and will do my best to follow it, but I do not like flames, hate, or insults. Don't read the story if you don't like it, it's as simple as that. I don't even know if the reviewer is reading this, but I had to say something else I would get grouchy and lose inspiration. Sorry to bore everybody. Please don't anyone leave a review like that again. Next time, I won't be so nice.**

Kitchen Go Boom

An EZHF Short

Teemo's POV

I _looooooove_ blowing things up. Especially kitchens. 'Cept most of the time, people aren't terribly happy if I blow the kitchen up. Like Arin. She chases me around with a frying pan and her water whip, and whacks me over the head with them, then forces me to go rebuild the kitchen. Enia and Samik are never any help. They sit back and laugh at me as I run away from Arin screaming. But now Enia's actually _telling_ me to go blow up a kitchen! And a big grocery store bakery one at that! Best. Daughter. Ever!

(Aw. Thanks, Teemo).

Get out of my chapter!

Anyways. The kid, Zeus, and I took off into the chaos filled store. Zeus seemed like a good kid, a good friend. I'd better try not to get her killed; else Enia'll probably take my head off. _But she also looks like she could take care of herself,_ I thought as she fired her gun into the head of an approaching zombie. Black blood and bits of dry, dusty flesh splattered the shelf behind the cadaver. Groty!

I hurtled an overturned shopping cart that was spilling beer bottles and other containers of booze onto the floor. I spotted its previous owner a few feet away. The poor sap was being very quickly devoured. Ew, I wrinkled my nose at the growing pool of blood around the corpse; it was soaking into discarded loafs of bread.

My foot landed on a bottle and it immediately rolled out from under me and I tumbled to the floor, the bottles clinking as they rolled away. My head thudded painfully against the concrete and bright stars flashed before my eyes. Up ahead, Zeus skidded to a halt and ran back to me. She grabbed my limp arm and yanked me to my feet. My head spun and my vision clouded. I stumbled and almost fell over again, and Zeus had to prop me up. "Snap out of it," she begged. "There are, like, six of them coming this way!"

I blinked furiously and the dancing lights slowly faded away. But my head was still throbbing. Zeus spun me in the direction of the approaching undead. They were an ugly bunch. One was morbidly obese and its blubbery stomach had been ripped open violently so all its entrails swung out like bloody ropes. The skin on its face hung loose and puddled against its chest. The corpse to its right was missing an arm and white bone poked through the mangled skin. Its gray face was covered with lacerations and its yellow, bloodshot eyes leered at us from above a chip-toothed, gore filled snarl.

Zeus's worried voice interrupted my examination. "There are more of them behind us."

I grinned, my head finally clear. "Then let's have some fun."

With that, I leapt at the group of zombies. Their arms rose to meet me, gnarled hands turning into grasping claws. I spun around the obese zombie, flames dancing along my fingers. They formed a long, flickering sword and I sliced its blade through the rotting head. The severed top fell to the ground with a plop. A human screamed. I glanced around. A woman with a really bad perm was staring at me and shrieking her head off. Or she was until a zombie grabbed her from behind and actually tore it off. Oh right. Humans didn't like magic and Enia didn't want us to use our powers so we didn't scare them off. Worst. Daughter. Ever.

(Hey!)

Get out of my chapter!

I pulled out the broadsword I'd…uh…liberated from the pawn shop. A zombie staggered after me. I shifted out of the way, bringing my blade up so the corpse ran into it headfirst. I cut the leg out of another zombie lurching towards me. I danced out of the way as it fell forward and landed on the floor with a wet splat. Yet it was still wriggling around like a worm on a sidewalk. Or a fish out of water. Or a beached whale. Or a…a…flamigger flaring on Mars….um…I'm shutting up now. I impaled the head on my sword.

Three down, three to go.

The last zombies threw themselves at me at the same time. I flung myself out of the way and fell onto the cold, slightly wet piles of vegetables beside me. I shoved a cucumber into the mouth of a zombie trying to latch onto my arm and rolled off of the vegetables. I lopped off its head as it struggled against the green plant before turning to the last two zombies that were getting too close for comfort. Just for fun, I threw an eggplant at one of them. It struck the zombie's forehead and bounced off, leaving a gross indent behind on the gray flesh. Then I sliced through their heads like overly ripe watermelons.

Remember; always eat your fruits and veggies, kids!

Teemo: six. Zombies: 0! Teemo rules!

"Teemo!" Zeus yelled, panic in her voice.

I spun around, searching for her. She was surrounded by snarling monsters and more were closing in on her position. There was no time to do anything human. Zombies go boom!

I clapped my hands together and flames roared from them in a long sheet. The fire enveloped the zombies as Zeus clapped her arms over her head and crouched down. I ran forward and threw myself into the midst of the crackling zombies, the rank stench of burning flesh assaulting my nostrils. I pulled Zeus to her feet and leapt into the air, using my powers to fling us free of the zombies and the inferno. We landed fifteen feet away and turned to watch the corpses crumble to bits.

Teemo: twenty-three! Zombies: Still zippo! Take that, ya bastards!

"Thanks," Zeus gasped.

"No problem," I replied, clapping her on the back. "Enia would kill me if I let you die. Come on, let's go."

She nodded and we wove our way through the rest of the fruit section and into the bakery. I had to stop for a donut. Zeus rolled her eyes as I stood amongst the smoke and blood and chaos, and happily munched away at the sugary treat. Then I handed her one and she stopped mocking me.

We finished the donuts and I took another one for the walk, then we headed into the kitchen. It was quite beautiful. All the appliances were gleaming chrome and all the floors were spotless. Freshly baked goods were out of the countertops, but had been abandoned when the zombies had appeared. The sight of them was making me hungry. The kitchen was large and spacious. Yes, it was very beautiful. Cue single tear running dramatically down cheek. Now cue malicious grin. Too bad it was going to be incinerated in a matter of seconds. I looked at Zeus and grinned. "Ready?"

She grinned back. "Let's blow this popsicle stand."

I defiantly liked this kid. "Kitchen go boom!" I yelled and flicked my two middle fingers. The effect was instantaneous. A tiny ball of fire sprouted in the center of the kitchen and rapidly grew bigger, sucking all the air towards it and ripping the appliances from the walls as it dragged them forward. The head blasted our faces and we had to back up a few steps to avoid being baked along with the rest of the kitchen. A surge of joy rushed through me as I watched the flickering orange and red flames. The fire alarm went off. The sprinkles had no effected on the raging inferno. Cackling, Zeus and I slapped five and ran away from the scene of the crime.

Kitchen go boom!

But then came the bloodcurdling screech: "Teemo! You bloody idiot!"

Oh crap. Teemo go boom.

**Enia: I actually wrote this a while ago, about right after I wrote Onyx and Riskapoop. I put it here because this sort of marks the end of one major plot point and the beginning of another. I hope you enjoyed it. Teemo loves his grisly details. I've got the next chapter already written, but I've got a bunch of other fanfictions to update before I can get it up. Also, soon I'm going to finish rewriting another earlier chapter and replace it. Not quite sure when that'll happen, though.**

**Tata for now! Leave a (not mean) review!**


	25. Question and Answer

**Enia: So…we have reached Part Two of EZHF and if you thought we did some crazy shit in the first part, just wait and see what we get into now. It's gonna be awesome! So please keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times and enjoy the ride!**

Question and Answer

People trickled in in little groups over the course of Christmas Day. The biggest number of people in any group was five. They brought backpacks full of medicinal supplies, food, and other things with them. They were dirty, exhausted, and depressed. We had to check everyone for bites and other suspicious wounds before we let them in. Thankfully, we found none. Then Arin took the sick and injured away to care for them. All us elves agreed that we would wear hats to hide our very distinctively not-human ears, and the entire group made a pact to not use our powers. Best not to freak the humans out any more than they already were.

Teemo, William, and David went out to keep the zombies away from the refugees, and Onyx and Minka left in the Subaru to try and find cots and bedding for the humans, leaving Samik, Zeus, and I to try and coordinate things. After a few hours Samik had to go and hide the guns from me. I really didn't like people.

But eventually we got everyone settled upstairs. The flow tapered off around evening and in the end there were about fifty or sixty humans packed into the library. My friends returned and we were left with the Question and Answer Session of Doom. And the humans had lots of questions. From the mutterings, we picked up puzzlement and confusion; we seemed way too young. They didn't think we could possibly be the real deal. Some of them thought we were clinically insane. (Though not technically true, an argument could be made against several of us).

I let out a deep breath and looked around the loose circles of my friends. We were hiding behind a bookshelf. Soon we would have to step out from behind it and face the sea of suspicious faces. "Ready?" I asked.

Everyone nodded determinedly. "They're humans," Onyx said. "They ain't scary."

Fair enough. "Alright then. Arin, have fun being in charge."

"_What_!" Arin demanded in a high pitched voice as Teemo laughed.

"Well, you're sort of the oldest and you look a hell of a look more reliable than Teemo." Teemo offered a childish grin to compliment my statement. And I didn't want to do it.

Arin huffed and rolled her eyes, but she didn't decline. I grinned. "Lead the way, great leader."

She hissed at me.

In a matter of seconds, we were standing before the gathered group of humans, Arin slightly in front. The mood of the room was tense. Some people were scared of the zombies. Some were afraid of each other. Some were scared of _us_.

Arin cleared her throat awkwardly. "Uh…hi."

No one said hi back. I thought that was sort of rude, but Arin moved past it. "Right, so, um, we're the people you heard on the roof the other night…"

She was interrupted before she could get any further. "How do we know that was you?" a man shouted out.

"Because we're the only people with a bloody sound system on our roof," Arin replied, sounding annoyed.

"You're not the one who spoke on Christmas Eve," an older woman added.

Arin shot me a look. I coughed into my hand. "She has, uh, laryngitis."

Several people rolled their eyes. Tough crowd. We were losing them. "Why'd you do it?" a young teenager asked.

"Why not?"Arin countered.

"It was stupid and dangerous."

"So what? The whole world is dangerous and it was even before the zombies arrived. We never let that get in the way of celebrating or doing something we love, so the nine of us thought, why should we let us stop it now? And it let us gather a whole lot of zombies in one place so we could take care of them." Arin was good. Some of the suspicious faces were giving way to calm, understanding ones and the mood was gradually growing less tense. I was glad I'd told her to do this. I didn't think I would've been able too; I would've gotten pissed and end up knocking some people's heads together.

"But you're all so young," a creaky voice in the front row pointed out. It sounded tired. An old woman. I half expected her to be clutching a purse. Instead she had a hand gun.

"Does that matter?" Arin asked. "We've all proven that we can take care of ourselves and each other. Age doesn't matter anymore. Skill does."

Satisfied by Arin's answer, the old woman settled back in her chair, her tight grip on her pistol loosening. "Why don't you have guns?" asked a teenager off to the side. I thought I recognized him from school. He wouldn't know me though; I tended to blend and I looked a lot different as an elf. He had about five different visible guns on him and probably another three that I couldn't see.

Arin shrugged. "Don't need 'em. They're noisy and, quite frankly, most of us aren't terribly good shots with them. We don't have the time or the resources to train with them. And we're all very good with our choosen hand to hand weapon." And we had magic, but we weren't going to tell them that.

The teenager shrugged indifferently and fingered one of his guns. He thought they were more impressive. He had obviously never seen a real sword master in action.

"And these are more fun," Arin added as an afterthought.

"Are you insane?" demanded a nervous-looking man. He was going to be trouble.

"Maybe." And that was all Arin had to say on the matter.

But Trouble wasn't done. He stood up and jumped on top of a table. "Why are we listening to these buffoons?" he called. I rolled my eyes. "They're dangerous and insane, and they're more likely to get us all killed than keep us alive."

"Well, obviously our methods have worked so far," Teemo interrupted before Trouble could get any further.

"You don't have to stay here," Zeus said. "You can leave anytime."

"Yeah, it's not like we're forcing you to be here," Onyx added.

"You _chose_ to come here," I pointed out.

Trouble stared at me. "I thought you had laryngitis."

I chose that moment to cough violently into my hand.

"These people are crazy and I bet they're going to feed us to the zombies!" Trouble continued, his eyes wide and crazy. He was off his rocker.

The nine of us on the stage rolled our eyes and let out a collective groan. "You're a bloody idiot," David informed him.

"I don't like you," William agreed, looking threatening. "You should leave."

Trouble gaped at him like he couldn't believe William would suggest that he, Trouble, go out and fend for himself. Heaven forbid!

"What about food?" Another human decided to step in and change the subject before the situation got out of hand and William or David ripped Trouble's head off.

Arin looked at the woman in the front row gratefully. "Good point. We've got whatever supplies you people have brought, if you're willing to share them, and right across the way is a largish grocery store. We're going to use up all the perishable foods first and then there are plenty of nonperishable items to last us a long time. and Samik here," she clapped her arm around Samik's shoulders, "is a positively _amazing_ cook."

Everyone who'd even tasted Samik's cooking murmured their agreement and he looked down at his feet in embarrassment. But there was a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.

"And water?"

"We live in Iowa in the middle of the freaking winter," I snapped. Ye Gods, these humans were thick!

The woman looked suitably cowed. Trouble looked like he was going to say something about my supposed sickness so I coughed into my hand again, glaring at him fiercely until he looked away.

"Where do we sleep?" the woman continued.

Arin shrugged. "Wherever you want. We'll take the spots that aren't filled. Like on top of the bookshelves no doubt.

The humans were looking at each other and nodding. They thought this was a sound plan. They had shelter, food, water, and protection. Everyone was happy. Except for Trouble, that is, but he seemed like one of those people you just couldn't please. "Well, I think-" he began.

"Stuff it," Teemo interrupted, looking murderous. "If you don't like it, you can leave."

Trouble fell silent after muttering one last comment under his breath. But he didn't make any move to leave. Arin let out a faint sigh of relief. "Well then, I'm glad that's settled. We'll leave you to it. We're planning on sending out a patrol tomorrow to find any others who need help. Good night. See you in the morning for a pancake breakfast."

And so ended the Question and Answer Session of Doom.

**Enia: So, an okay chapter. Not my best, not my worst. (I think the original first five chapters take the cake for worst). And speaking of those, I rewrote the fifth chapter and put it up. Go take a look if you haven't seen it already. The next chapter is going to be a lot better. So, um, yeah. Leave a review?**

**Samik: Do I really have to make pancakes for sixty people?**

**Enia: Yes.**

**Samik: That's a lot of pancakes.**

**Enia: So?**

**Samik: It'll use up all the pancake mix in the store.**

**Enia: So?**

**Samik: …**

**Enia: :D**


	26. Let's Poke a Dead Thing With a Stick!

**Disclaimer! Since this is the start of a new section and Enia forgot to do this last chapter, as her lawyer, I thought I'd reiterate. Enia does not own the _Zombie Survival Guide_ though most of the characters in the story are hers or a friend's. She also does not own any _Doctor Who_ references. Though she wishes she did. Thank you and enjoy the ride.**

Let's Poke a Dead Thing with a Stick!

True to Arin's word, Samik created a massive pancake breakfast the morning after Christmas. I had no idea how he did it. It took a humongous amount of food from the grocery store across the way. We wouldn't be having pancakes again. I knew we needed to conserve the food, but I wasn't sure how. There were so many people with us; it was very different from just having nine and a cat. But I figured we'd burn that bridge when we came to it. Once spring came, we could start working on creating more renewable food supply. Nothing to worry about.

Zeus left after breakfast on a scouting mission. She was the best person for the job since she could literally get a bird's-eye view of the city. She'd move faster than we would on the ground, even with a car, and the zombies didn't pose any danger to her. She told us she'd be back by sunset.

That left us with one question. What were we going to do all day?

I quickly disappeared to the play structure outside the library. It was also outside the barrier, but that was all part of the fun. And it meant that no humans were likely to come join me.

Despite the stench of decay rising from a couple of dead bodies nearby, the air smelled cleaner than it had before the world went to hell in a hand basket. I grinned as I ran up a slide, remembering how particular the teachers were about us not doing that at my elementary school. At the top, my smile faded. Were any of them still alive?

Of course they were! PMA, Enia, PMA. (Positive Mental Attitude).

I sighed as I sat down and looped my arm through the railing. My legs thudded against the supports as I swung them. Apparently, a zombie apocalypse isn't all fun and games. Apparently, it hurt. Not knowing what happened to people in your past…maybe that's why most zombie novels were so serious.

But I couldn't sit there and wallow in the unknown. I was still alive and so were those closest to me. We had a safe house, ready access to food, and there was plenty of adventure to be had in the world now.

My head snapped up suddenly, my Spidey Sense tingling. I wasn't alone. Only three feet from me was a zombie, its throat torn out. I somersaulted backwards as it lunged forward, a giant grin on my face. Its rotting arm struck the plastic floor where I'd been sitting. "Ho ho! Hello there!" I said as I popped to my feet. The zombie made a rude face at me. or maybe that was just who its face looked.

I darted down the short slide behind me and circled around the play structure. The zombie still hadn't noticed that I was gone and I stood behind a ladder to watch it, wondering how to kill it. Where was the fun in shooting it with a bolt of fire? And I didn't have my sword. It was inside somewhere. I wasn't entirely sure where.

My eyes fell on a large gnarled stick lying nearby. It was easily five feet in length and as thick as my bicep. I picked it up and smacked it against the ground; it didn't break. Another smile creased my face. I set the stick on my shoulder and turned to face the zombie. Stupid thing still thought I was on the playground. "OI!" I yelled.

The zombie still didn't acknowledge me. I groaned and rolled my eyes; was it deaf? Then I noticed the bloody hole on its head where its ear had been. Oh, apparently it was. I scouted around for a rock and found one not too far away. I bounced it in my palm a couple of times before lobbing it at the undead corpse.

"Direct hit!" I cheered.

The zombie turned to face me, lurching drunkenly and almost tripping over its own feet. I waved at it. The cadaver began to stagger towards me. I skipped forward to meet it. As soon as it was in range, I stuck out my stick and poked it in the ribs. The zombie stopped moving, though it still struggled to walk forward, my stick keeping it in place. I began to laugh. I'd always wanted to do this! Hahaha! Just as my fun as I'd imagined!

A low gurgling sound came from the zombie's mangled throat as it flailed against the stick. I cupped one hand around my ear. "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that. What did you say?"

It gurgled again and I quickly checked behind me to make sure nothing was sneaking up on me. The street was clear. I poked my tongue out at my captive. "Nice try, buddy."

"Oh darn," I murmured out of the corner of my mouth in a high-pitched voice.

"Wow, it can talk!" I exclaimed in my regular voice.

"Of course I can talk. What, did you think we were just dumb brutes?"

"Well, _yah_."

The zombie made a face at me and I grinned at its timing. "Well, you're just cattle," I said in my fake voice. "You're only purpose for being here is so we may eat you! we are the dominant species!"

"Wow, bit full of yourself, aren't you, you pompous bitch. You sound just like the Daleks. You used to _be_ us."

"But no I am so much better!"

"Yeah, but _I'm_ still better than you."

"Why?"

"Well, for starters elves are _so_ much better than humans. And I'm not trying to kill copious amounts of innocent people." Copious was a good word. People didn't use it enough.

"You are trying to kill us."

"But you guys aren't exactly innocent, are you? and this is war. I'm just defending my side."

"And I will end it! Starting with you!"

Laughing, I gave the zombie a little push with my stick. "Yeah, right."

"Having fun?" asked a third voice. I knew without looking that it was Samik. It sounded like he was standing on top of the wall.

"Yes." I flashed him a quick look and a grin. He jumped down, landing softly, and came over to join me. We stood side by side and regarded the snarling zombie silently.

"It's an ugly thing, isn't it?" he said.

"Yes, yes it is. Hey, guess what! I thought up a Vengeful Mask idea for you!" I flung my arms into the air. "Vengeful Chef!"

He was staring over my shoulder, blinking slowly. "Um, Enia?"

"What? Oh." I recaptured the zombie with the stick, shoving it back to it was further away. "Well, what do you think?"

Samik leaned over and kissed me lightly on the forehead. "I love it."

I flushed happily. "Whoo-hoo! We're some team, ain't we! The Vengeful Authoress and the Vengeful Chef! We're gonna rule the world!" Not thinking, I threw my arms into the air again.

"Um, Enia?" Samik repeated.

I watched the zombie stagger towards us. "Opps."

"Maybe you should just kill it."

"Good idea." We leapt out of the way as the zombie lunged forward. Samik booted it in the backside to help it along. The corpse tripped over its feet and crashed to the ground. I kicked the stick into the air and caught it, then broke it in two. I took the sharper half and plunged it into the zombie's cranium. I flicked a piece of hair out of my eyes and grinned at Samik. "That was fun."

Samik laughed and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling my close. "That was pretty awesome."

"I can check, 'Poke a Zombie with a Stick' off my 'Things to Do During a Zombie Apocalypse' list."

"What's next?"

"I'll have to check, but I think it has something to do with liquid nitrogen."

A brilliant smile lit up his face. "I can't wait."

"Neither can I! It's gonna be so fucking awesome!" I jumped up and down and pumped my fists excitedly.

Something came streaking out of the sky to land before us, making me jump. It was Zeus. She was breathing heavily. "I found something. We've got to go. Right now."

"What is it?" I demanded stepping forward.

Zeus gulped in a deep breath. "It's South East. They're surrounded. There's defiantly people inside. It's bad. They lit a beacon fire. We have to go!"

I nodded. "Let's do it."

**Enia: Well, that was fun. I've always wanted to do that. And Samik's Vengeful Mask problem is finally sovled! Hooray!**

**Samik: We shall rule the world.**

**Enia: Yes, yes we shall. Beware, world powers!**

**Both: Bwahahaha!**

**Enia: Alright, see ya next time in Mission: School's Out. Leave a review!**


	27. Mission: School's Out

**Enia: Did you guys see that the last chapter put us exactly at 50,000 words? Perfectly, exactly, literally on the dot! Isn't that awesome?! I thought it was. It made me all excited. ****J**** And at the end of the chapter everyone should review so we can get 50 reviews to match 50,000 words.**

Mission: School's Out

Samik, Zeus and I strode into the packed floor of the library where the humans were squabbling amongst themselves. A few glanced up to mark our passing and stare at us with hollow faces. I spotted the rest of my friends either trying to calm the humans down, or hiding at the fringes. They hadn't noticed us yet. Time to make our presence known. "Oi, EZHF!" I bellowed, my voice easily rising above the nervous din. "On your feet! We've got ourselves a mission!"

The Elite Zombie Hunting Force gratefully broke away from the mewling humans and hurried towards the three of us and where we stood by the stairs. "Thank god," David groaned. "Get me away from these idiots!"

"Why did you ever think this was a good idea?" William complained, giving me a cross look.

"Because it was," I answered shortly. "Now shut up and listen." I looked towards my shape-shifting friend. "Zeus?"

She stepped forward promptly. "Right. There's a group of survivors over at South East. They're surrounded by scours of zombies. I saw the beacon fires when I was out scouting and stayed long enough to get a good look at the situation. The building is swamped. The situation is dire. I suggest immediate seek and assist."

Heh, we sounded like a military division.

"Very good, Lieutenant Zeus," I said, snapping off a salute to keep up with the charade. "Your suggestion has been noted. Soldiers," I turned to the rest of the group, "suit up. We move out in five."

"Yes, ma'am!" Samik and Teemo barked, saluting. I nodded at them, trying to look wise and militaristic.

"Um, what are you doing?" Minka asked, sounding annoyed.

I looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you acting like that?"

Wasn't it obvious? "We're soldiers!"

"Why?"

"Why not?"

Minka rolled her eyes and walked away to go gather her stuff. I watched her go; why couldn't she just have some fun for once? But whatever; it wasn't my place to say anything. "Right. The rest of you, snap to it!"

"Yes, ma'am!" This time everyone saluted.

I grinned as I walked off to go try and find my sword. Try being the operative word. I really should try to keep better track of that thing…

Trouble found me as I was making my way to the office I'd been sleeping in for the past couple of days. Literally. The man stood up from his group of grungy men when he saw me and hurried over. I groaned and picked up the pace, sliding over a table that was in the way. "You there," Trouble called.

I sighed and stopped in my tracks. The office was only five feet away. So close! I turned to face the human, a carefully constructed mask of aggravation plastered on my face. "What do you want? I'm busy."

"Are you really leaving us?" Trouble sounded indignant. This from the man who hadn't even _wanted_ our protection.

"Temporarily." I turned and walked the last few feet to the office. Trouble followed. I rolled my eyes as I tugged the door open and headed into the dark room.

"B-but you can't!" Trouble spluttered. He entered the office before I could close the door.

"Why not? You survived long enough without us." I began to root around for my sword, sweeping my hands across the desk and scattering papers everywhere.

"But you're supposed to protect us!"

I faced him, hands on my hips. "Have you _seen_ the size of the walls surrounding us? I think you'll be perfectly safe. Now, if you're not going to leave me alone, help me find my sword."

When Trouble didn't move, I cast my eyes towards the ceiling and resumed my search. Eventually, I found my sword behind a filing cabinet. …Not entirely sure how it got there. I brushed past Trouble as I slung it across my back. The human trailed after me as I made my way towards the stairs. Finally, I had to stop to glare at him. "I will _bite_ you if you don't stop following me," I snapped.

Trouble's face drained of color and he quickly turned on his heel and disappeared into the human crowd. Behind me, I heard someone snort. "Smooth, Enia," Onyx said sarcastically.

I turned around a little sheepishly. "Bad idea to threaten to bite someone during a zombie apocalypse?"

Onyx held up her fingers less than an inch apart. "Just a little."

"Are we ready to go?" Minka asked, twirling her daggers. Onyx tapped her club against her palm eagerly.

I grinned. "You bet we are."

* * *

Nine people. Three cars. Easy peasy lemon squeezy; unlike the time when we came here in a single police car. Onyx, David, and I were the designated drivers with Minka, Zeus, and William as back-up. I called the police car with Samik and William. That wasn't going to end well. Zeus and Minka went with Onyx, and Teemo and Arin got stuck with David.

Samik wasted no time calling shotgun, leaving William to grumble in the back. "Vroom, vroom!" I yelled and hit the accelerator, eliciting shouts of surprise from my passengers.

"Careful! _Careful_!" Samik cried as I cranked on the wheel to get us around a crashed car. Up next was a fallen light pole and my right turn sent William into the wall.

"Why the fuck did we decide to let you drive?" he snapped, voice cracking. "You're going to get us all killed!"

"And you wouldn't?" I shot back, dodging a zombie and a flipped car in quick succession. We bounced jarringly over a set of scattered bricks. "Whoo-hoo!"

"You're going to break the car!" Samik yelled, hand firmly wrapped around the 'oh shit' handle.

"Good thing it's not ours then!" The car skidded around a corner, the centrifurgal force almost pulling us into the buildings. We hit an unaware zombie with a loud thump. My best friend dug through the glove compartment for some reason; he found a CD inside. Grinning, he popped it into the player. Classical music filled the car.

"What the hell is this shit?" William demanded, reaching forward to turn it off.

I slapped his hand away. "It's called Shostakovich."

We roared past my house, looking like heaven in hell. (Not that I was religious). The surrounding street and houses were a bloodbath with broken windows and bodies, but my house was still white and distinguishable as a home. I refused to feel sad, distracting myself instead. "We forgot Fidel!"

"We are _not_ returning for a stupid _cat_!" William snapped.

"But he's our mascot!"

"Actually, I agree with William on this one, Enia," Samik said. "Keep driving."

"I was joking! Jeez! Just how stupid do you guys think I am?"

There was a pause as both boys stared at me. "…Very."

I glared at them through the mirror. "Thanks, guys. Thanks."

"Anytime, Enia," Samik replied. I resisted the urge to smash his head into the dash.

We passed close by the ransacked Hyvee. The only impression I got from it was of a car junkyard. Moans filled the air and I stopped even though we couldn't even see the junior high yet. The caravan was right behind me and the other drivers slammed on their brakes. "Thanks for the warning, Enia," Onyx called out the window.

I held up a hand for silence as I got out of the car, then gestured for everyone to gather round. The wind swept from South East to us, bringing with it the now familiar stench of rotting flesh. I could see zombie in the distance, steadily shambling our way. We would have to be quick. "The plan is simple," I said, speaking fast. "Half of us will go in, find the survivors, and get the hell out. The rest of us stay outside and deal with the mob so the humans can get to the cars. Okay?"

"Easy peasy lemon squeezy," Samik said, grinning.

"William and I will stay out here and wreck some havoc," David decided.

"I'd like to stay outside also," Zeus said.

"Me too," Minka added.

"Okay. And the rest of us will go inside." I cast a look at the remaining members of the gang.

"We'll take the police car," Minka said. "Drive around and distract them."

I tapped my temple twice. "Smart. Alright, let's go!"

And so it was. We piled into our respective cars; I wanted to sit on the roof, but the others wouldn't let me. The police car left first, tires screeching, and disappeared down a street, trailing sirens and flashing lights. Two minutes later, the rest of us departed. I was jittery with anticipation as I spun us through the streets. Zombies began to spot the road around us. I hit as many as I could. "Woot!" I yelled and my friends howled in agreement.

I slammed on the brakes and the car came to a halt with a harsh screech. The mob was thick around the school, but some were starting to shamble away after the shrinking police car. The green Subaru stopped beside me. I looked over and gave Onyx a nod. She nodded back.

"Yah!" We hit the gas pedals and the cars shot forward towards the swamped school. Our little city cars plowed into the oblivious cadavers. Blood and flesh flew as the zombies gave way before us. The more rotted ones fell to pieces beneath the vehicles and soon the windshield was covered with gore. I turned the wipers on.

We began to slow a little as the press of zombies started to overwhelm the power of the cars' engines. Samik slid the sun roof open, stood up, and peered out. "We're not going to be able to get much further!" he called down. "But we're close!" He climbed out onto the roof of the car. I threw the stick into Park without hitting the brakes. We stopped with a lurch. "Careful!" Samik yelled as he clutched at the smooth white plastic.

"Sorry!" I turned the car off and pulled out the keys, shoving them in my pocket. I joined Samik on the roof; he was busily fending off the zombies. Across the sea, Onyx, Teemo, and Arin were climbing out of their vehicle. The zombies were going to overrun us soon. They were taller than the Honda and beginning to rock both cars back and forth. Time to go.

"Let's move!" Teemo yelled and he launched himself into the air. Arin followed and Onyx changed into her horse form to go for a little romp. Samik held out his hand. I took it and we jumped. The zombies swamped the car as soon as our feet left it. I had to kick a reaching hand away.

"I can fly!" I yelled as we shot towards the roof of the junior high school. Teemo and Arin landed a second before Samik and me, then Onyx did a flying leap from the ground, landing with a solid thump. She turned human again and flicked an eyeball off her shoulder.

I heard a loud clang and looked over to see Teemo kicking an air vent in. He stuck his head inside, looking like an ostrich with its head in the sand, and then he laughed. Excited, I scampered over. "What is it?"

Teemo withdrew his head and took a step back. "Take a look."

I peered down the airshaft. It was dark, but enough light filtered past my head to illuminate the hall below. The zombies had gotten inside and had jam-packed the hall like sardines. I pulled my head out. "Charbroil!"

My friends looked over in surprise, about to say, "What?" They turned just in time to see me raise my joined hands above my head and bring them down, a fireball forming around my fists and leaving a red and orange trail behind.

The fire whooshed down the narrow shaft and dissimilated (vocab word, couldn't resist) throughout the hallway. Up rose the stark, cloying stench of charred flesh. I quickly stepped back, gagging. Dark smoke billowed out of the air shaft, deep black.

Suddenly, storm clouds materialized over the vent and it began to pour. I leapt back to avoid being drenched. "Thanks, Arin," I said without looking.

"Hey, how do you know it wasn't me?" Teemo protested.

My only reply was to give him my raised eyebrow expression.

One by one, we dropped into the charred hallway, barely recognizable as the small music wing. I gagged and pulled my shirt up to cover my mouth and nose. I wasn't going to be eating for the rest of the day. "Dude, that's groty," Samik, said, poking a shriveled, burnt corpse with his toe.

"I donno. I like my meat extra crispy," Onyx disagreed.

That made me laugh. I leaned up against the still hot wall and held my stomach. "Yeah, but then Arin had to go dump water all over them, so now they're soggy."

Onyx wrinkled her nose. "Oh, then he's right. It's groty."

Samik turned to Arin, aghast. "Arin! You ruined some perfectly good fried chicken!"

"Well, excuuuuuuuuse me, princess," Arin snapped good-naturedly.

Onyx started laughing and turned to me. "Enia! Remember that conversation we had about me cooking and eating my arm?"

I nodded, laughing. "And I told you not to because it was a really bad idea."

"I still wonder what it would taste like." She snapped the arm of a corpse off with a gross squishing noise. "Let's find out!"

I lunged off the wall and smacked the piece of grisled flesh from her hand. "Do _not_ eat the zombie flesh!"

"But, Enia…" Onx whined.

I pointed my finger at her face sternly. "No."

Pouting, Onyx folded her arms over her chest. Teemo, Arin, and Samik started laughing uncontrollably. "What are we doing again?" Teemo wondered once we'd finally managed to get our mirth under control.

I stared at everyone else and blinked. Um…Then a scream rent the air and jolted my memory. "Oh shit!" I yelled and took off down the hallway, heading deeper into the school.

"Wait up!" Arin yelled after a second. I could hear the pounding of their feet as they hurried after me.

South East was weird. It was two-stories, but it had two first floors. The school was built into a hill and there had been some construction the year before I went into seventh grade that made the layout kind of awkward. The scream sounded like it had come from the upper first floor down the main hall.

Shapes moved in the shadows, but we were moving too fast for the zombies to stop us. Light filtered in through the grimy windows and dust motes swirled in the shafts of yellow-brown sun. The floor was coated in mud and blood and vomit. I tried not to look down. We pounded up the dirty main staircase and emerged into a crowded foyer. I froze. "Oh."

There were people I recognized in the crowd. Teachers, mostly. One was short, squat, and troll-like. Her weirdly coiffed hair was still perfectly in place and a strange steel gray. Her ugly flowery clothes were ripped and covered with grime. Another zombie I recognized was taller and fatter. Rolls of pudge were apparent beneath a tattered Spongebob (seriously?) shirt and slashed to ribbons. Dark frizzy hair was matted down with blood and her face bore the same bland expression in death as it had in life. "That is so weird," I muttered, staring at my zombified teachers.

"Move, Enia!" Onyx bellowed in my ear and she shoved me forward. I caught my balance and drew my sword, whooping a war cry.

"For cake!"

"What the fuck, Enia?" Onyx demanded, brandishing her cudgel and smashing it into a zombie's head.

"Psh, what the fuck, Onyx?" I replied and cut of Ms. Reweird's head.

**_(((PLEASE NOT THAT ALL TEACHER NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED)))_**

"You guys are so weird," Teemo informed us as he leapt into the fray.

Onyx and I stared at him. I raised an eyebrow. "You're talking?" we said together.

Arin laughed.

I re-killed Ms. Kuff and we blasted through the undead mob. I saw the principal in passing, but she was too far away to bother going after. We made it into the main hallway and another scream broke the air. It was several doors down and the room was surrounded by zombies baying for blood. My friends and I exchanged nods. "Geronimo!" Onyx crowed as I yelled, "Alonzee!" And we were almost overcome with laughter again as we ran to the rescue.

The creepy study hall teacher was at the front, pounding on the door with his giant fists. I crashed into him and we tumbled away from the door. I flipped off him before he could wrap his fat arms around me and jabbed my sword into his forehead. The others dispatched the remaining zombies and black blood flew through the air.

"To the rescue!" I yelled as I leapt forward and kicked the door open. I landed in my eighth grade English class, surrounded by terrified teachers. A stapler was flung at my head. "Holy shit fuck!" I yelled as I barely managed to duck and the office appliance hit the wall with a resounding crash. "Are you people fucking crazy?! We're here to save you!"

Onyx was laughing when she entered the room and didn't have a solid object flung at her head. Samik and Arin could barely keep the grins off their faces, and Teemo was mimicking what must have been my expression. I stood up and dusted myself off as I attempted to pick up the pieces of my shattered dignity.

"Who the hell are you people?" a man I recognized as the vice principal demanded, a trembling chair held out in front of him.

I ignored the question. "Seriously, if I was an actual zombie, just how much affect do you think a bloody _stapler_ would have?"

"You shoulda seen your face," Teemo said.

I turned to him. "How the hell did you even see it? You were behind me?"

My father (remember that?) shrugged. "Window."

"Who _are_ you people?" Mr. Banks repeated, louder as if that would make us listen

"Your…rescue team!" I replied, striking a heroic pose. Onyx pushed me into a desk.

"Don't I know you?" a dark-haired woman in the back asked. Mrs. Parsley; my eighth grade English teacher.

"Erm…no," I said quickly.

The sound of police sirens filled the air and red and blue lights danced across the shuttered windows. "Get your ass out here, Enia!" someone yelled through a blow horn. "It's time to go."

"And that's our oh-so-subtle cue to leave," I said, spinning around to face the door. "Let's head out."

"Why should we go with you?" Mr. Banks demanded.

"Because she said so," Samik said, pushing one of the teachers out into the hallway.

"And the door is broken so you'll get eaten if you don't," Onyx added bluntly. "Now move!"

The teachers jumped into action and quickly filed out the door, pushing and shoving. Teemo and Arin exited last and I led my little troop to the left, following the dancing lights. I kicked open the first door we came to and the bright sun nearly blinded me. The police car was driving circles around the other two, keeping the zombies at bay. I stepped into the light and glanced back. The humans were clustered inside the building. "Move!" I bellowed and they jumped as my four friends started manhandling them out the door.

I cleared a path through the loitering zombies and the humans began to hesitantly fall into line behind me. The police car screeched to a halt and the rest of EZHF piled out, and began slaughtering the corpses. I stepped back and allowed the teachers to barrel past. "They're unlocked; get it!"

The humans ran screaming past the zombies. I rolled my eyes at my magical friends. Wusses. Then we took off after them. The humans crammed themselves into the cars. The EZHF drivers budged into the drivers' seats and everyone else climbed onto the roofs.

I hit the gas. Teemo shrieked from his spot on top of the car. "Woot! Flying fish face food! Look a unicorn!" I yelled happily.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" cried one of the teachers, clutching at the person beside him.

"Everything!"

We hit a zombie head-on and it flew into the air. "Hey! Watch where you're slinging those things!" Teemo yelled.

I accelerated even more, until every bump sent us into the air and we crashed down again with a jarring thud. "Whooooooooooooosh! Vroom vroom!"

It didn't take us long to get back to the library. I slammed heavily on the brakes and we skidded to a terrifying halt inches from the rock wall. "You're insane!" Mr. Banks told me as he tumbled from the car.

"Up the ladder, Mr. Banks," I cried, leaping out of the vehicle. "Up the ladder to faridise!"

"How do you know my name?" Mr. Banks demanded suspiciously.

"Because I'm maaaaaaaaagical!"

We scrambled up the rope ladder one by one (Mr. Banks had to give me a suspicious look first) then slid down the rope on the other side. Someone pulled the doors open and we poured into the library. Suddenly, all movement stopped. I was trapped in the middle, but with a little elbowing and pushing, I managed to make my way to the front. "What's going on?"

William had stopped Mr. Banks with a cold look. "He's got a bite."

"I do not!" Mr. Banks protested indignantly.

"Show me," I commanded, all trace of good humor gone.

"I don't have a bite!" Mr. Banks yelled. The crowd behind us began to chitter nervously at the word 'bite'.

William's hand shot forward and grabbed the teacher's wrist. The dirty sleeve slipped back to show a bloody bandage. William coldly unwrapped the scrap of cloth. A deep, oozing crescent wound was revealed. Everyone watching gasped.

I felt myself go cold. What was I supposed to do? Did I tell him to leave? Did I let him stay under guard until he died? Did I give him a gun with a single bullet or did I have someone else do it? Did _I_ do the deed? I was frozen. My mind couldn't think. Somebody else would have to deal with it. I didn't want to–couldn't. I never thought I'd have to deal with something like this and now I found I wanted to put it in a box and forget about it.

David stepped forward, pulling something out from his belt. He handed a small black pistol to the shocked former vice principal. "Go outside."

"W-why?" Mr. Banks spluttered.

"Because you're bitten," William said, no emotion on his face. "You're dead already."

Mr. Banks looked like a deer in the headlights. Sighing, David took the gun back and pointed it at the teacher's face. "Or I could do it for you."

My paralysis broke. "No! Not here. It should be his choice."

The human slowly reached for the gun, hand trembling. The crowd parted like water as he turned and floated towards the door. It closed behind him with a quiet click. Five seconds later, we heard a gunshot.

**Enia: So…it's been a long time, eh? Heh, sorry. Can you tell the part I wrote when I was ¾ dead? You can see it very clearly in my journal because it's in pen and two sizes bigger than my normal handwriting. Lol. So yah. A chapter. It certainly took a turn for the depressing at the end. Betcha didn't see that coming. Yay! Leave a review! We must get 50 reviews to match 50,000 words! Bye now! Enia…out!**


	28. Happy Birthday, Enia!

**Enia: Happy Halloween everyone!**

Happy Birthday, Enia

Two days after the school fiasco, I awoke to the smell of frying bacon. My nose twitched and my eyes cracked open one after another. The office was dark and the space beside me in the blankets was cold. A flash of panic ran through me before the scent of bacon registered itself with my brain. Oh. That's where he was. He hadn't been eaten by anything, good to know.

I didn't really want to get out from under my warm mound of blankets. It was so cozy and I was so comfy, and I could believe that the world didn't exist…

There was a violent crash in the library outside my door. I huffed and ground my teeth together. I clambered upright, dragging a blanket with me, and stalked towards the door. "OI!" I bellowed, slinging the door open.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" The chorus of shouts was enough to rattle my sleep-addled brain and deliver a nasty shock.

_"Holyshitfuckdamn!"_ I yelped, jumping violently. "What?!"

"Oh darn, she's forgotten her birthday," said Teemo's voice. "Does this mean we can keep the presents we got her?"

"No," Samik answered.

My eyes finally adjusted to the light and my brain started to compute what was going on. "It's my birthday, isn't it," I murmured, half to myself. "Huh. Weird. Hey, guys, guess what. I can legally drive!"

"You mean you couldn't before?" Trouble demanded.

"Psh, who needs a license after the end of the world?" Onyx asked. Trouble fell silent.

I stepped out of the office and shut the door behind me. The bacon smell grew stronger, accompanied by cinnamon and chocolate. I sniffed happily. "What's for breakfast?"

"Bacon, cinnamon French toast, and hot chocolate," Samik answered.

A smile split my face and I clapped my hands together eagerly. "Yay!"

It was delicious. Everything was cooked to perfection as always and there was so much of it. E.Z.F.H. sat in a large circle on top of a cluster of tables we shoved together. The humans took their plates and moved away into their distinctive groups, leaving a wide berth around us. They didn't like us; I could tell. Maybe they didn't like the way we were always laughing and joking in this "terrible time". Maybe they didn't like how nothing seemed to worry us and we did everything with ease. Or maybe their subconscious minds sensed that we were infinitely different from them and told them to be scared of us.

When we were done, we placed the paper plates in a large pile to be burned at a later date. Then Teemo grabbed my hand and started to drag me towards the stairs. "Come on! It's time to open your presents!"

"Yay, presents!" I cheered.

The group paraded outside to the playground. Sitting atop the tallest roof were two bulky, brightly wrapped packages. I scrambled up the ladders and flipped over the railings in a way that would've terrified the humans had they been watching. In no time, I was sitting cross-legged by the packages. I pulled the smaller of the two into my lap. It was heavy and felt dense beneath my fingers. The wrapping job was rather shoddy.

My friends were standing below and grinning up at me. I smiled back at them and began to unceremoniously rip the wrapping paper off.

A gleaming, silver and black chainsaw fell into my lap. I squealed with delight and clapped my hands together. "Goody, goody gumdrops!" I quickly tore into the second present, eager to know what wonders it contained.

A flamethrower. A delighted shriek erupted from my mouth and I immediately turned it on, laughing as a thirty foot long jet of fire burst from the tube. "Let's go play!"

I secured the flamethrower pack to my back and put the tube in its holder, then I grabbed the chainsaw and jumped down from the play set. I cackled evilly and ran off, leaving the others to follow in my wake. There were lots of dead zombies littering the streets (we should really dispose of those sometime), but none of them were up and walking. We'd killed off all the undead in the vicinity and all the rest were too far away to hear all the ruckus we were making.

I paused briefly to shoot the flamethrower at the sky. "Dinner time!" I yelled before starting to run again. My birthday presents were heavy and unwieldy, but I was too pumped up to notice. I wanted to charbroil some undead bastards and mess the others up my chainsaw.

Suddenly, a pack of three turned the corner up ahead of me. I stopped in the center of the road, my foot inches away from a pool of frozen blood. The ugly buggers noticed me immediately and picked up the pace, dropping their jaws to emit their moan and raising their arms, their straggly line seeming to bunch together a little. The one in front didn't have a nose and its eye had been slashed out of its head to flap in the breeze like a segmented grape. Behind it was an armless zombie with the gnawed remains of a hand tangled in its tattered shirt. It swayed and bumped against the distended stomach when the zombie walked.

The final zombie was surprisingly normal looking. Its hair, despite being splattered with blood, still fell across its white forehead in sweeping lines. The rest of the face was unmarred except for some blood around the mouth. It still had all its limbs and its clothes were relatively clean and in one piece. The only visible wound was a bite on its forearm.

It looked almost human.

I decided to kill it first; I didn't like the way its eyes looked dead.

I revved the chainsaw. It came to life instantly and the teeth began to whir across the blade. I pushed Noseless to the side. It ran into No Arms and they fell over into a tangled heap, leaving only Mr. Perfect. I pointed the chainsaw at it. The zombie snarled at me and I swung the power tool at its head in a glittering arc. Black blood and bone and little bits of gray brain matter flew. The air around me shimmered to form a barrier between me and the gore. The corpse collapsed to the ground, white shirt soiled, the top half of its head gone.

Noseless lunged at me from the ground. I swept the chainsaw down and chopped off its reaching hands. Noseless's blood drenched No Arm's face. Noseless left trails of red on the dirty snow as it continued to inch towards me. I took a couple of big steps back then turned the chainsaw off and set it on the ground. I pulled out the flamethrower and turned it over in my hands. I pointed the business end at the zombies. Their moans were loud and annoying. I pulled the trigger on the flamethrower.

They caught fire instantly and began to crackle. The stark stench of burning flesh filled the air. Bits of them fell off to fleck the ground below. Their flesh bubbled and their eyes melted from their sockets. …Yet still they came towards me. I watched them quietly and stepped back whenever they got to close. Slowly, the zombies lost mobility and collapsed to the street. Their flesh baked away and the fire died down, leaving behind two charred skeletons. Behind me, someone whooped. "Epic!" Teemo.

This was the part where I turned around, grinning, and said something witty as I agreed with him. I'd stand with my hips cocked and the flamethrower nozzle propped on my shoulder. Everyone would laugh and then beg for a turn with the power tools. Grinning, I'd hand them over. We'd play awhile and then head back to the library.

But I couldn't. For some reason I couldn't reply. I just stood there and stared at the bodies. Something felt wrong.

The flamethrower slipped through my fingers and I allowed it and the fuel pack to clatter to the ground. "Enia?" Samik asked. I could hear the concern in his voice.

"Something's wrong," I murmured. Then I took off running.

**Enia: This was supposed to end like that fourth to last paragraph described with me whooping and cheering about how awesome flamethrowers and chainsaws were. But it felt wrong. So I changed it. As I wrote this chapter, I couldn't help but think that this sort of made me sound like an emotionless bitch. Maybe I am. But I'm not. I just hide the feelings that matter really deep.**

**Anyways, you don't need to hear about that. I'd like to apologize for the slow update; I've been super distracted by a Fictionpress story. Now you're gonna have to wait again because I'm stopping for Nanowrimo. **

**I'd like to thank Theultimate, Theminecrafter, and Legendarymaster4 for their reviews and apologize for the typos. It means a lot to me that you like this story.**

**One more thing before I go. I would like to announce that I have self-published a book. It's a story about Teemo and Arin and a chicken with anger issues who wants to take over the Universe. I'm just super happy that I can hold a bound, physical copy of it in my hands. So yay!**

**See you in December.**

**Please read and review.**


	29. Like Kings

**Enia: There's nothing a writer likes better than to know their work is being red and enjoyed. Like my elementary school guidance teacher used to say, it gives us the warm fuzzies. Not the cold prickleys. Theultimate, I want to thank you for all your support. It means so much to me. I've had a couple of days recently when I didn't think anything I did would ever matter. I realize now that's not true. As long as something I write can maybe make someone smile or laugh a little, then that does matter. There's only one way I can think of to thank you properly. This chapter is dedicated to you. Also, happy birthday. (I hope I got the date right).**

Like Kings

"Enia!" Samik called as I took off running. His footsteps started up, close behind. I flicked my hand backwards and a wave of heat washed across my back. "Enia!" he repeated angrily and his footsteps came to a halt, stopped by the wall of fire. Yes, any one of them could get through it if they wanted to, but generally if a girl throws up a wall of fire, she doesn't want to be followed.

I turned the first corner I came to. It was empty but for a fallen body which I refused to look at. I scrambled up the fire escape, ran across the roof of the building, and jumped back down to the streets on the far side, turning left as soon as my feet touched the ground and careening around three more corners. My feet splashed through dirty piles of half melted snow and frozen red slush that almost could have been a cherry slushy.

I turned into another narrow alley and crashed into something. I bounced off and slammed to the ground, skidding through the snow and flipping head over heels once to come to a halt in a crouch. Ten feet away, something hit the stone with a thud. "Ow!" grumbled a boy's voice. "What the hell?" He sat up, rubbing his head, and spotted me almost immediately. Eyes widening, he jumped to his feet and whipped a handgun out from under his leather jacket. I shot up and pointed a finger gun at him in return.

he looked at my hand, an eyebrow raised, and then up at my face. "What is that?"

I glanced down at my arm. "It's a finger gun."

"Seriously?"

"What?"

"I'm pointing a real gun with real bullets at you, and you respond with a _finger gun_?"

"It's very dangerous; you would be wise to be wary of it."

The boy threw his free hand into the air. "It's a _finger_! And where are your actual weapons? Don't you know there are zombies everywhere?"

"Of course I know that," I replied. "What do you think I am, stupid?"

He thumped his palm against his forehead. He obviously thought I was stupid. I found myself beginning to grin again. "You're weird," the boy informed me.

"Your face is weird," I shot back instantly.

He stared at me, almost at a loss for words. "Are you...like...?"

"Mentally unstable?" I supplied.

He shrugged. "Well, those weren't the exact words I was going to use, but...yes. In essence."

"I could be," I said. "It's a distinct possibility. But I don't think I'm totally unstable. Maybe just a little."

The boy opened his mouth and closed it again, shaking his head. I grinned widely beginning to enjoy myself again. Then I heard something scuff behind him. I saw a flash of disjointed movement. "Get down!" I ordered, tensing.

The boy dropped. In his place appeared a zombie with a bloody hole for a throat. It's mouth was open, but no sound issued forth. I squeezed my thumb down and, like if one had pulled the trigger of a real gun, a bullet of fire shot from my finger to bury itself in the zombie's head. If only I could twirl my hand like a would a gun.

The boy stood up and snapped his head between the prone corpse and me. "Did you...did you just kill that zombie with your_ finger gun_?"

I shifted my eyes back and forth. "Maybe."

"How did you do it?"

"I didn't."

A confused expression came over his face. "Didn't what?"

"That."

"What the hell is 'that'?"

I gestured vaguely, laughing on the inside. "Oh, you know."

"No, I don't."

"Ow, well, sorry."

The boy pinched the bridge of his nose. "I give up."

The wind picked up. We were protected from it in our alley, but it sounded fierce, howling and moaning like a beast from hell. The boy's hand tightened on his gun. I stared out at the street, unblinking. The trees weren't moving. "That's not a storm," I said slowly. "Not in the normal sense of the word anyways."

"What are you talking about?" He pushed past me and stepped out into the street, gun held out before him as he searched from side to side. "There's no wind."

"So what's making that sound?" I said, though I already knew what it was.

The back of my neck prickled. Slowly, I turned around, not really wanting to find out what was behind me, filling the alley with the stench of blood and hunger and death. "Oh shit," I said calmly as I stared at the mob crowding towards me. "Run."

The boy rolled his eyes. "Of course there's a giant mob of zombies behind us."

I grabbed his hand as I shot by, nearly jerking him off his feet as I spun him around. "Woah!" he yelped.

"Run!" I repeated.

"Where should we go?!"

I glanced around. The mob was even larger than it had first appeared. Zombies were staggering into the street form all directions, clogging the arteries in the road made from stalled and crashed cars. The boy squeezed off a shot; the bullet punched straight through a corpse's nose, obliterating it and leaving behind a gory hole. But it didn't fall. I grabbed his wrist before he could try again. "No, save your bullets. There are too many of them, and we're going to want them later."

The boy nodded and shoved the gun into his belt. "Where do we go?"

I searched the streets, quickly assessing. I pointed towards a building who's entrance was smashed but protected from two sides by a pair of crashed cars. "There. We'll head to the roof."

"Let's move."

I ducked around a zombie that got too close and we sprinted towards the store. I bent down and scooped up an abandoned metal pipe, using it to smack away a reaching arm. The zombies were closing fast, faster than I'd expected, pouring over the cars and blocking the entrance. "We're not going to make it!" the boy yelled.

"Yes, we will!"

"Are you crazy! No, we won't!"

"Well, we can't turn back now!" I bashed the teeth in on a female zombie who popped up before me like a Whack-A-Mole. She toppled backwards, shards of grimy white teeth flying through the air. I desperately wanted to use my magic, but I didn't know what the boy would think of it. Which was a dumb thing to be worrying about because if it came down to protecting our lives or protecting my secret, I wouldn't hesitate.

I swung my pipe like a baseball bat. The boy drew his gun and began to fire. We were ten feet from the door and only a few zombies stood between us. "Why the hell don't you have a weapon?" the boy demanded. A zombie's face dissolved in a shower of blood beneath a point blank shot.

"I do!"

"That metal pipe? You picked that up two minutes ago!"

"I was out for a stroll! Who brings weapons when they go for a stroll?"

"Do you not _see_ the zombies?!"

"People always say I'm not very observant." I planted my foot in a zombie's chest and shoved. It tumbled into one of its companions and they were swallowed by the crowd. Suddenly, we were in the doorway. "Ha! Take that, suckers!" We ran inside and I stuck my tongue out at the corpses. "See, I told you we'd make it. Now find the stairs."

"Um..." The boy looked around. "I think they're over there."

I pushed back another zombie. "Lead the way."

We ran through the dark store, dodging fallen merchandise and the odd customer with the zombies in hot pursuit. The boy yanked the door to upstairs open as I turned to knock over a shelf and crush some of our followers.

"Holy shit!"

Instantly, I spun around and the metal pipe burst into flame. The boy was on the ground, a zombie on top of him, fighting for his life. I lunged forward, pipe outstretched, and drilled it into the cadaver's head. The flesh crackled and began to smoke. I shoved the zombie off and hauled the boy upright, grabbing his shoulders to hold him in place as I stared into his eyes. "Did it get you?"

"No." He was shaking like a leaf.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! I'm fine."

"Then move." I shoved him towards the stairs.

We didn't stop until we reached the roof. Down below, I could hear the slow, unsteady footsteps of our pursuers. "We have to close the door," the boy said, grabbing the knob.

I held up a hand to stop him. "No, leave it."

"Are you crazy?"

"I believe that is the third time you've asked me that and has my answer ever changed?"

He gave me an exasperated look.

"We're going to let them come to us."

"We can't fight them!" he protested, throwing his arms in the air. "We don't have enough ammunition to kill them all!"

"We don't have to. They're going to do it themselves."

"What the hell do you mean?"

I rolled my eyes. "Dear Cheese in the Sky, did you ever actually _read_ Zombie Survival Guide?"

He gave me a strange look. "...Dear Cheese in the Sky...?"

I ignored him and gestured around me with my arms. "Where are we?"

"...On a rooftop?"

"And what's around us?"

An understanding smile lit up his face. "Other rooftops."

I grinned back. "Now you're getting it. Come on."

The closest rooftop was to our left. We sprinted at it, arms pumping, legs churning, and leapt off the building, using the ledge of the roof as a spring board. There was no greater feeling than flying through the air with nothing to weigh you down and nothing but empty space all around you. It always made you feel like you were king of the world. Or queen.

I hit the other roof and rolled, coming up just in time to turn and see the zombies pour out of the other building. It didn't take them long to find us and come shambling our way. The boy staggered upright, wincing slightly. "Goddamn, that hurt."

I said nothing, staring at the approaching dead. Not too long ago, they were just like us.

"What I want to know," the boy continued. "now that we're all safe and stuff, is why the hell your pipe was on fire."

I finally turned to look at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm not stupid _or_ blind."

"I really have no idea what you're talking about."

"Your bloody pipe was on fire!"

"Uh, no, it wasn't."

"Yes, it was! I saw it!

"I think you might be seeing things." I looked at him with concern. "Do you have a history of hallucinations?"

"No!"

A wet splat interrupted my bit of fun. The first zombie had fallen off the roof. Two more quickly followed. "Who decides it?" I asked quietly.

"Decides what?"

"Who watches and who...falls off the roof."

He didn't hesitate before answering. "We do. Everyday with the choices we make and the things we do."

"You don't believe in some higher force?"

He snorted derisively. "Hell no."

"Me neither. I always did think that was a load of bullshit."

He laughed. "Yeah."

"Death is stupid," I continued. "And pointless. People shouldn't die. And they shouldn't go down without a fight. There is _always_ something that can be done."

"Not always."

I glared at him. "Yes, always."

He held up his hands in defeat. "Okay."

I turned to stare at the stupid ones who continued to throw themselves to their doom in a futile attempt to obtain what they wanted. Not much really changes. "What does this make us?"

"You really have to learn to specify what you're talking about."

"Us. The survivors. What are we now?"

He shrugged. "We're whatever we want to be. We can be survivors. Or we can be something more. We're all that's left. In a way, you could say we're like kings; we have to protect what's left and fight to make things better."

I smiled, warming to the idea. "You're right. Thank you."

"For what?"

"I was having some...issues I'm not sure I even entirely comprehend. But I've got them all figured out now. I know what I have to do."

He stuck out his hand. "Glad to be of service."

I shook it, glancing briefly at the darkening sky. "I really have to be going. It was nice to meet you. Maybe I'll see you again?"

He shook his head once. "Probably not."

"Yeah." I backed away and started across the building towards the edge of the roof. At the last second, I stopped and looked back. "What's your name?"

"Ivan."

"Pleased to meet you. I'm Enia."

He grinned. "The pleasure's all mine."

I laughed mischievously, a grin suddenly coming over my face. "Oh, there's one more thing I have to tell you before I go."

"What's that?"

"You were right about the fire."

Then I left him there with a stunned look on his face and a floating ball of flame.

**Enia: Well, I hope you enjoyed your chapter, Theultimate. I have to say that I rather liked it. It helped me work out some things to. Writing is good for stuff like that. I don't believe in fate or destiny. I believe in our choices. We can't sit around and hope that something will happen to us. We have to go out and make it happen. That's sorta what this chapter was about in a roundabout sort of way. Not that you had to see it like that.**

**But anyways, I just wanted to say thank you again. People like you are one of the reasons I write. (The other being bitches who try to tell me I shouldn't). I hope you continue to enjoy E.Z.H.F. **

**Goddamn, now I sound all sappy. I'll see you in the next chapter. Please read and review.**


	30. Farewell

**Enia: This is the last chapter. I'm sorry. I've enjoyed the ride.**

Farewell

Samik was mad at me when I found him and the others. When he saw me approaching, his face folded into a glare, and his arms folded, fingers tapping. "Hallo!" I yelled brightly, raising a hand in greeting.

"What the hell was that, Enia?" Samik demanded. "Where did you go?"

"I heard a tiny fairy calling my name on the wind, and I knew I had to follow it to fulfill my destiny," I answered. William, David, and Minka facepalmed. Zeus raised an eyebrow, Teemo and Onyx smirked, and Arin sighed. Samik fought to keep a straight face. "It let me into Gargoland where I journeyed across the world, met fantastical creatures, and killed a lot of stuff. I defeated an ancient evil that was trying to plunge the world into darkness so happiness and cupcakes could return!" I skipped across the slushy, icy ground and linked my arm through Samiks. "So, how long was I gone?"

"'Bout an hour," he answered.

"Huh, that's weird. I spent about a year there."

I finally got Samik to laugh. Together, we turned and started heading back towards the library. Teemo was wearing my flamethrower and playing with it happily, sending fire into the sky and whooping. Onyx had my chainsaw; that I was a little worried about. "So, anything interesting happen while I was gone?"

Samik shrugged. "David almost killed Trouble."

"Well, if somebody didn't, I was gonna," I laughed.

Something crashed through the window of the library, making us all jump. A frying pan skittered across the ground before us. Samik looked shocked and offended. "Bitch!" he yelled. A book nearly nailed Minka in the head; she cursed.

"What the hell is going on in there?" I demanded, storming towards the building.

Inside was chaos. All the humans were pushing and shoving, shouting angrily at each other. Tables had been knocked over, and books were strewn across the ground (some still flying through the air). Many weapons were drawn, and guess who was right in the middle of it.

Trouble.

"We need to stop this," I said. "I don't care what the hell started it, but it ends now."

William and David stepped forward, cracking their knuckles. I nodded to them. David leapt towards the nearest gun-toting maniac and crashed into the woman, knocking her to the floor. The gun flew out of her hand. David kicked it into the shadows and jumped onto the back of another human, snarling. William ran at Trouble, who was shouting unintelligibly at the skirmishing humans. William tapped him on the shoulder and slugged the man across the face when he turned around. Trouble went down like a sack of rotten tomatoes.

The rest of us moved into the room, fanning out. "Arin," I said. "Get up on a table and start shouting. Try to get people to calm down."

She nodded and jumped up onto the only table still on four legs. "Hey!"

No one heard her or cared enough to listen.

I spotted someone raising their pistol to shoot a woman in the chest. I rushed forward and kicked the weapon out of his hands. He yelped with pain. Another man stumbled past with William hanging off his back, fingernails in the man's ears. Onyx had someone in a headlock and was busy yelling, "Noogie!" Teemo had gotten into a childish slapping catfight with a seven-year-old girl. Minka was glaring furiously at a group of humans, making them cower in a corner, and Zeus was running about the room, kicking people's legs out from under them.

I punched a man in the gut when he tried to tackle me and threw him into a bookshelf. We needed to get this under control, fast. I ninja-rolled ('cause I was boss like that) across the floor to scoop up an abandoned pistol. I pointed it at the ceiling and gazed around at the chaos. Then I pulled the trigger.

Worst. Idea. Ever.

Startled by the blast, all the trigger-happy humans grabbed their guns and started shooting. All the sane ones hit the floor. I rolled my eyes; facepalm.

David leapt up onto the table with Arin, who was still waving her arms and yelling. There was blood on his shirt that I really didn't want to know where it came from. "Rawr!" he bellowed. His face held hints of the wolf inside him. "I'm a zombie, and I'm gonna eat you all if you don't shut the fuck up right now!"

The room fell silent, and the people froze. In the middle, Teemow as shaking with suppressed laughter. I found myself starting to smirk, and I had to turn around to keep it from showing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw most of E.Z.H.F. doing the same.

"Very good," David growled. I heard him jump down from the table.

"Oooookay," Arin said slowly. "Somone wanna tell me what the fuck's going on here?"

I faced forward again to watch. An older man pointed towards Trouble's prone form. "He started it.

"Could you guys stop swearing?" a woman asked. She had a small child clutched to her chest. "There are small children in the room."

Seriously? _That_ was what she was worried about?

"Oh, sorry," Arin said. Onyx smirked. "But seriously, what happened?"

The older man shrugged. "Not entirely sure. That man was yammering about something or the other, I don't even know what. Something started arguing with him, and the whole thing just sorta exploded."

"Of course it did," I sighed.

"Can I throw him out the window?" William asked eagerly.

I was tempted to agree; I really was. But I didn't think the humans would like it. "No," I sighed. "Don't."

William huffed and folded his arms. I shrugged apologetically. "So the next question is," the older man continued, "who fired the first shot?"

Everyone looked around the room, searching for the culprit. I tried to look innocent and unobtrusively dropped the pistol behind my back. Samik rolled his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose when he saw. "That doesn't matter now," he said. "What's done is done, and there's nothing we can do to change it."

Wow, thanks for making me feel bad.

"And we need to find out who's dead or wounded," he finished.

The older man nodded. "Alright. Good idea."

"Somebody smack Trouble and wake him up; I want to talk to him," I added.

"Who's Trouble?"

I pointed at the unconscious human on the floor. "That's what I call him."

The older man smirked. "That's a good name for him." He pointed at a nearby woman. She took great pleasure in smacking him across the face. I stalked over and, as soon as he spluttered awake, grabbed his arm and yanked him to his feet.

"Hey!" he protested, tugging at my hand.

"Come with me," I snarled. "You and I are going to have a chitty-chat."

"Give him a smack for me, Enia!" Teemo called.

I raised a hand abruptly. "Will do."

I dragged Trouble across the library unceremoniously. "Let go of me!" he yelled.

I obliged and threw him into an empty office. I stepped in after him, shutting the door behind him. When I turned around, he was pressed against the far wall, a lamp held out before him. Its cord was still plugged into the wall. "Put that down," I ordered.

"Make me, bitch," he growled.

I sighed, and when I blinked, a jolt of electricity jumped through the socket and gave Trouble a shock. He yelped and quickly dropped the lamp, giving me a frightened look. "What the hell was all that?" I demanded.

"Was all what?" he asked, bewildering.

I gestured behind me at the library where the dead were being rounded up and the wounded tended to. "Back there. Getting people to start trying to kill each other."

"It wasn't my fault," he answered quickly.

I laughed darkly. "Yeah? Then who was it? The Easter Bunny's? Or did the zombies get inside your head and start whispering?"

Trouble finally regained enough courage to glare at me. "_No_. It was _your_ fault."

Okay, didn't see that one coming. "What!" I yelled, fists clenching. "Don't you dare try to blame this on me, you bastard!"

"Well, maybe if you guys weren't such freaks this wouldn't be a problem!"

"What the hell's that supposed to mean!?" I stalked forward, moving silently across the floor, head aching to draw my sword and cut Trouble's head off with it.

He swiftly sidestepped me before I could get too close and ran away, putting a desk between us. "I've heard your friends talking, you know, when they think they aren't listening. They talk down about us, using the word human like it's a bad thing. Like they're above us, or better than us. As if they _aren't_ human." His eyes were wild, bordering on maniac. He was clutching a stapler in his hand; I really hoped he would end up stabling his thumb with it. "I've seen things too. Weird things. Your friend Teemo lies to play with fire, but he never has a lighter or matches. Your two scary friends always smell like dog. And-"

"Shut the fuck up," I snarled slowly, moving towards him again until I was close enough that he took a step back. I planted my hands on the desk and leaned forward, fixing him with my best glare. "Do you hear me? Shut the fuck up before I kill you."

Troubles eyes glinted victoriously. "So I'm right then."

"I never said that. Do _not_ put words in my mouth." Trouble opened his mouth to deliver some pithy reply, but I beat him to it. "Besides, you'd probably be dead if it weren't for us."

That shut him up. His mouth snapped close like a sprung trap. I grinned maliciously. "That's right. And don't forget we can toss you out of here just as quickly as we brought you in."

"Look at you, getting all high and mighty," Trouble growled, lip curling. "Who do you think you are, God?"

"No," I snapped. I wanted to _throttle_ the man! "I'm the super angry bitch who can and will kick your ass if you keep annoying her!"

"Oh, I'm so scared," he sneered.

I wasn't thinking any more. I was ready to make the stupidest move ever and show this bastard just who he was dealing with. I was tired of the pretentious human, tired of hiding my powers, tired of trying to be a good person. I was ready to ruin everything we were trying to build in the library for one quick flash of pleasure, damn the consequences.

But before I could, someone in the main room screamed.

Instantly, I leapt over the deck, shoved Trouble out of the way, and burst through the door, sword in hand. The room was locked in pandemonium, humans panicking, drawing weapons, or trying to hide. E.Z.H.F. was trying to calm them down but with no success. "Enia!" Samik called, beckoning me over. "We've got a bit of problem."

I ran to the window where he stood, shoving a woman out of the way. "What?"

"Look," he said and stepped back so I could see.

I peered through the glass and immediately began to curse violently, mixing Elvish with English. At our doorstep was an army. The zombies blanketed the downtown area, stretching on and on, thousands. They pressed up against our wall (it had been weakened by explosives by someone) and pressed into each other from behind, crushing a few unlucky ones. The stench that rose from them like steam from soup was almost unbearable, even through the thick concrete walls. At their back, floating high above the corpses and partially hidden by the clouds, I thought I saw a deep black shadow; proof that there was something else at work in this apocalypse. But I didn't have time to worry about it.

"Get the Molotov Cocktails!" I shouted to anyone who would listen, glad for once that we'd had that crazy-ass party. "Then get up on the stable parts of the walls! Let's rain fire down on these bitches like there's no tomorrow!"

Some of the humans heard and jumped to obey. The rest continued panicking.

"E.Z.H.F.!" I continued, turning and striding through the bedlam. "To me! We're going in!"

David caught my arm and spun me to a halt. "There are too many of them to take on without using our powers."

"I know," I agreed. "Just try to be subtle."

He nodded and ran on ahead. The nine of us formed up and walked down the stairs together, calm despite the rush around us. "Is there a plan?" Teemo asked excitedly. He was practically bouncing three feet in the air.

"Kill 'em all."

"Best plan evah!"

Onyx kicked the door open for us, and immediately we saw where we would have to attack first. The lead zombies had broken through the wall, pouring in in one's and two's, and attacking. At least three humans were already dead or being munched on. "Go!" I shouted, and we leapt into the battle.

I vaulted up and over the zombies' heads, landing on top of one of our parked cars. I lost track of the others as they dispersed into the weaving crowd, and drew my sword. Flaming bottles rained down around us, exploding in bright bursts on impact. Zombies clawed at the smooth roof of my perch, so I summoned up a hammer with my magic to play Whack-A-Zombie. Soon the white plastic turned brown and red.

The bodies began to pile up, and the zombies slowly crawled up them. They would swamp me soon. I leapt off the car and swept my sword in a glittering arc. Arms and hands flopped to the ground. But I needed more space. The zombies were crowding in ever closer.

I Flicked my finger at the nearest of them. The sudden blast sent me flying over the heads of the zombies, and I crashed-landed on the ground fifty feet away. I was pretty sure my eyebrows were gone. Groaning, I quickly flipped over and onto my feet. My sword darted out to impale a zombie's brain. I was still in trouble. I needed to get out of there, and I needed to do it fast.

The wall was ten feet to my right. Up above, the humans were still hurling Molotov Cocktails down on the herd. I waited until one landed, then added to it with my powers, blowing the zombies backwards. I ran through the hole it left and jumped onto the wall, clinging to a dangling rope. It was only just high enough for me to be out of reach if I pulled my legs up. Using my newfound height, I began to attack, swinging back and forth on the rope and hacking viciously. Soon I was sort of dizzy from the back and forth motion.

Again, the corpses piled up. My sword could no longer reach the living zombies easily. So I let go of the rope and pushed off the wall, landing right next to the tag team of William and David. A zombie was clinging to William's back, nomming at his sturdy leather jacket, and decimated corpses littered the ground.

William roared angrily, and his form shivered. A giant black wolf replaced the man, and the zombie lost its grip.

That was when the carnage really began. David howled and joined his friend, turning into a white wolf. They leapt into the mob of zombies, and body parts began to fly. I dodged a bloody arm and was besieged by my own little army.

I was on a roll. I leapt from spot to spot, leaving behind donut shaped piles of corpses in my wake. The space between the staggering zombies grew larger and larger. The ground was a carpet of blood and body parts. Smoking craters dotted the battlefield. We were actually going to win this thing. Who'da thunk.

But then a low wailing sound pierced the air. More of the dark shadows from before appeared, creating a star around the crowd of zombies. I glanced at them suspiciously; they emitted a powerful magical aura.

Everything went dark for an instant. I cursed silently, ready for an attack, but none came. Light returned to the world and everything was the same…except that all the zombies were gone.

What. The. Fuck.

E.Z.H.F. was scattered across the battlefield, all still standing. William and David prowled on all fours, still in wolf form. A human screamed. I spun around; a woman was pointing at the two animals, bawling her head off. Trouble had found his way onto the wall. "I knew you were all freaks!" he yelled.

I gave him the finger with both hands.

"Shit," William muttered, back in human form. The rest of my friends came over, and we stood together.

David winced. "Sorry."

Trouble had gotten down from the wall and was stalking towards us, yelling something. I crossed my arms and tapped my foot. "I knew it!" He finally came close enough for us to understand his words. "I knew you were all freaks!"

"Why is that a bad thing?" Arin wondered to herself. Teemo shrugged.

"Those boys are monsters!" Trouble ranted. "Demons! Sorcerers! They consort with the power of evil!"

"And saved your asses," I interrupted. "Without them, the library probably would've been overrun."

"Because they called upon the demons to whisk the zombies away! We all saw the sudden darkness, and when the lights came back, they were all gone!" There was just no winning with that guy.

"Technically, you can't _see_ darkness," Zeus mused, earning a glare from Trouble. She stuck her thumbs in her ears, wiggled her fingers, and poked her tongue out at him.

I glanced back at the library and saw that the majority of the humans were gathered on the wall. They looked angry and were muttering amongst themselves. Some even had guns trained on us, on William and David. "They need to leave," Trouble finished. I'd missed the finale of his speech.

"No, they don't," I snarled.

William smirked. "Aw, Enia, you really do love me!"

That earned him a smack upside his pretentious wolfy face from me, a kick in the shin from Teemo, a stomp on the foot from Arin, and a smirk from Samik because of his swift punishment.

"It's alright," David said, silencing all of us. "William and I have been talking about this, actually." He looked at me. "We were going to tell you when we decided. I've got some people I want to check on in Canada, and William thinks there'll be more action and less annoying people up there. We're okay leaving."

"Yeah," William agreed.

"Are you sure?" I asked. Both nodded. I shrugged and stuck out my hand. "Okay. Go and fight in Canada. Maybe we'll see each other again."

William shook with me first and waggled his eyebrows. "I certainly hope so." I crushed his fingers before letting go.

"Count on it," David said. He leaned in to murmur in my ear, "Keep an eye out. There's something else at work here."

"Don't I know it," I agreed.

William and David stepped back, glaring at Trouble one last time (and Samik in William's case). They morphed into wolves just to scare the humans again. Trouble quickly stepped back, tripping over a dismembered arm. He landed hard on his butt. I raised my hand in farewell to the werewolves. They howled in reply, turned tail, and ran off into the sunset…well, it was only three o'clock…Shut up.

I stepped over Trouble without giving him a second look. E.Z.H.F. filed after me. I glared up at the humans on the wall. "If anyone wants to leave, then get the hell out of here! If not, start helping clean up." No one moved. "NOW!"

The humans jumped to attention. Some did leave, quite a few actually. Trouble got up and scrambled away, yelling profanities back at us. Everyone else began to squeamishly pick up the body parts, piling them up to be burned. I kept busy, though my mind pulsed with questions. Chief among them were the shadows. Who were they? What did they want and why? Something would have to be done. But what? How could we find them, and what if they staged another attack?

Things had just gotten a lot more complicated.

**Enia: Heh heh heh, I lied. :)**


	31. Screw You Government, An EZHF Short

**Enia: Ever wonder how the hell we managed to break out of that government facility way back in the beginning of the fic? Well, wonder no more!**

Screw You Government

An E.Z.H.F. Short

"Onyx, look what I can do!" I yelled excitedly. We'd just found each other in the sterile hallways of the government facility and were about to set off to locate Minka. But I had something I wanted to show her first.

Spinning around, I flung my fist towards a wall. It exploded violently, spewing fire and rubble. The gaping hole looked in on a room with a pair of startled scientists. I grinned and waved hello.

"Dude!" Onyx shouted. "Freaking awesome!"

"Try shifting into your horse form!" I ordered excitedly.

Onyx grinned, scrunching her brow in concentration. But before she could even try to change, the zombies came shambling around the faraway corner, moaning and grumbling. Huh, I'd forgotten about them. I really needed to work on my attention span.

"Uh, maybe later," she said. "Let's get out of here."

We turned on our heels and skedaddled down the hall. I chucked fireballs behind us and set at least half the zombies ablaze. I cackled evilly. We were running through a government facility that had captured us and were being chased by a rabid horde of undead monsters. This was fucking cool!

"Right!" Onyx yelled, grabbing my arm and yanking me with her as she turned abruptly. I yelped with surprise, and we nearly crashed right into an armed patrol.

"Just passing through!" I shouted. They stared at us in shock as we raced past, weapons still in limp fingers. The next instant, the zombies appeared and the guards joined us in our flight. I grinned and nodded at the one I thought was the leader. He stared at me, trying to figure out who I was.

We didn't give them the chance. Onyx and I turned the next corner we came to, and the guards kept running forward. "Minka!" I yelled, my voice echoing off the walls. "Get your ass out here, or we're leaving it behind!"

Onyx snorted. "Like she's going to hear you."

Fifteen feet away from us, a door banged open, and a peeved-off, dark-haired girl stalked out of the room. Onyx blinked. "I stand corrected."

"What the hell is going on?" she demanded, hands on her hips.

Onyx snagged her hand as we ran by. "Oh, not much. Just being chased by some zombies."

"Enia's fault?" she asked.

My other friend nodded. "Enia's fault."

"Hey!" I yelped indignantly. "It's not _all_ my fault!"

"Hey," Onyx said. "I was just minding my own business and trying to find a way out."

"And I was stuck in my room," Minka added.

I spluttered. "Well, the government people were the ones who locked me in the room with the zombies! Therefore it's _their_ fault!"

Onyx shook her head and sighed, sharing a knowing look with Minka. "Always blaming your mistakes on other people."

I smacked her upside the head.

We zigzagged through the hallways until the moans of the undead faded to nothing. Only then did we slow down. We clustered around a nice-smelling potted plant to talk. "So, how are we going to get out of here?" Minka wondered.

I raised my hand eagerly. "Oh, oh, pick me!"

She cocked her eyebrow at me.

"I go blow stuff up until we find the outer wall!"

"We really need to work on your pyromaniac tendencies," Onyx observed. I stuck my tongue out at her.

"It would work," Minka said. "But we'd risk releasing all the zombies they have in here."

I folded my arms and pouted like a five-year-old.

"What if we go through the air-ducts like they always do in the movies?" Onyx suggested. "That usually works."

We looked up at the ceiling simultaneously. There were no air-ducts to be seen.

"…Okay, never mind," she mumbled

"We should ask them nicely to let us out," I said. "Or else we'll release all the zombies."

"What if they call our bluff?" Minka pointed out. "It's not like we're actually going to release the zombies if they refuse."

Suddenly, Onyx slapped her forehead. "I've got it! Goddamn, we're stupid! It's staring us right in the face!" She stopped talking, laughing too hard to continue.

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, don't keep us in suspense."

"All the guards and people are probably concentrating on containing the zombies right?" Minka and I nodded. "So, there's probably minimum security on all the exits. What if we just walked out the front door?"

Minka and I shared looks. I shrugged; could work. And it was simple and slightly ironic. Me likey. I gestured down the hall. "Lead the way."

We jogged lightly through the building, eyes peeled for any sign of movement. A couple of times, we had to dart under cover as soldiers ran past, shouting at each other, but the men and women never noticed us. I could hear the sounds of a far-off battle, and I thought I could even detect the stench of decaying flesh, but we never encountered any real trouble.

We really had no idea where we were going, but we figured if we just kept moving, we'd eventually find an exit. And it worked too. After about a half hour of searching, we finally stumbled across a set of lightly guarded doors. There were only two soldiers, clutching guns and looking nervous.

The three of us sauntered out into the light. I raised a hand in greeting when the soldiers stiffened and raised their guns as they saw us. "Howdy there," I called. "Nice weather we're having, isn't it?"

Beside me, Onyx groaned.

"Halt," one of the guards ordered, leveling his rifle at my head. Minka, Onyx, and I stopped and held our hands up in surrender. "Who are you?" he demanded. "Where did you come from?"

"I'm Enia, that's Minka, and that's Onyx," I answered brightly as if we were exchanging pleasantries on the street, indicating each of my friends. "We're prisoners here. Great job containing us."

The guards paled with shock. I saw their fingers tighten on the triggers of their guns.

"Mind letting us go?" I finished as bullets began to spray.

I flung my arms up, and the concrete floor jumped up to intercept the bullets. Dust exploded around us, filling the air. I couldn't see a thing, but more importantly, neither could the guards. We darted out from behind the wall, keeping low. The bullets stopped, replaced by low, worried murmurs.

A dark shape appeared in the dust before me. I leapt forward and wrapped my arms around the guard's neck, choking off his startled cry. He stumbled forward under my weight, running into his partner. Onyx brought a brick down on his head, and he crumpled. I released my prisoner and kicked him the stomach. He lurched away, swearing. His pin wheeling legs met Minka's outstretched one, and he crashed to the ground. His head smacked the concrete with a thud that knocked him out cold.

I grinned and held out my hands for high-fives. "Staples, that was easy."

Onyx grinned. "Let's blow this popsicle joint."

In a line (Onyx was in the middle), we walked casually out the door, letting them close of the chaos inside.

**Enia: I pretty much pulled that out of thin air in a little over a half an hour. Words went klajfiodhfiodfio out onto the page, and thus this short story was born! Hope you enjoyed. Liquid Nitrogen Fun is taking some time, so here's this little present to keep you satisfied until I get my ass in gear and finish it. **

**R&R?**


	32. Liquid Nitrogen Fun

**Enia: Mwahahaha. You all hate me now. Best prank ever, though, right? _I_ thought it was pretty damn funny. Don't worry; this story is here to stay. I have beaucoup de plans for it.**

Liquid Nitrogen Fun

Very quickly, I decided that I couldn't be around the humans anymore. It had barely been two days since the incident, and they were already driving me up the wall. Well, maybe it was more like _I_ was driving _them_ up the wall. Either way, someone was going to end up with their head bit off if I didn't get out of there.

So I planned a little field trip with E.Z.H.F. A science lesson of sorts. We left early in the morning so the humans wouldn't have a chance to bitch about it, taking the police car. Onyx insisted on driving so it only took us a few minutes to get to the university campus.

We piled out of the car. We really needed to find an SUV or something; there just wasn't enough room in a normal vehicle. The university stood before us, dark and ominous. There were broken windows – one with a body half hanging out – and the wide doors were blasted open, askew on their hinges.

"We might not even have to go hunting for zombies," I said, grinning. "They're right here in the building."

As if on cue, a partially rotted zombie appeared at a third story window. Her glasses were still perched on her nose, though her silver hair was escaping its severe bun. She pounded on the glass, her mouth open in a silent moan of hunger.

Weapons drawn, we entered the deserted building. The overhead lights were long gone, but the sun streaming in through the broken doors and occasional windows was enough to illuminate our way. The floor was strewn with rubble, bits of tile and broken decorations, and the walls were splashed with blood and bullet holes. Bodies, gnawed down to the bone or shot in the head, lay crumpled in heaps down the hall, flies droning around them.

I crinkled my nose against the stench. "Hm. Pleasant."

"Why was this a good idea again?" Zeus wondered, looking like she was going to throw up.

"Because liquid nitrogen is fun."

"Oh, right."

"Let's go!" Teemo yelled eagerly, his voice echoing down the dark hallway. He bounded forward, sword swinging at his side, and began to hunt for the laboratories.

There were facepalms all around. "He's going to get us killed one day," Arin sighed.

"That or save all our asses," I contradicted.

We pushed deeper into the building, Teemo our preppy tour guide/scout as we searched for a helpful sign pointing towards a lab. We picked up a little entourage along the way. There were three zombies staggering along behind us. One was a scientist of some sort, still in her white lab coat – although admittedly it was more red than white now. There was a janitor in a torn jumpsuit without an arm, and the last zombie was an unlucky intern missing half his face. We trotted a good twenty feet in front of them.

"Here," Minka announced. She pointed at a maroon sign that read 'Laboratories' and had an arrow pointing to the right. The wall around it was painted with dark, dried blood. I would've missed the sign entirely if she hadn't pointed it out.

Minka took the lead around the corner. Teemo fell to the back, making rude faces at the zombies to entice them along. Their fingers grasped at him – white bone tips poking through in some places – and their jaws released, emitting the low moan. Teemo darted out of the way, laughing, as the scientist made a grab for him.

"Hurry up," I said to him, and, still grinning, he skipped through the door so I could slam it in the zombies' faces. Immediately, they began to bang on the small glass frame and the door. I leapt out of the way as Onyx and Samik shoved a giant wooden chest in front of the entrance. When I turned around, Zeus was already rooting through the cabinets, and Minka was looking in the huge refrigerator. She came staggering out with a large white canister, smirking. "I found the liquid nitrogen!"

Grinning, I hurried over to help her lift it up onto a lab table as Zeus stood up from the cabinets triumphantly, holding a pile of large hammers in her arms. "Got the hammers!"

"Oh, pretty," I said, laughing. She heaved them onto the table by the canister.

My friends gathered round, shifting excitedly. "So, what now?" Arin asked.

I slapped the liquid nitrogen, the chill seeping into my hand. "We hook this up to a hose, point it at the door, let the zombies in, and blast 'em."

Teemo's eyes gleamed. "Ooo, let's do it!"

I hunted around for a hose, finding one attached to a vacuum, and quickly returned to the others. Arin fingered the cone-shaped spout, looking thoughtfully. "What if we just place this real close to the door and released the valve when they enter? The opening is small enough, and there's probably enough pressure in the canister that the liquid nitrogen should spray out."

I stared at her and dropped the hose. "That is a much better idea."

She grinned. "That's because it was mine."

Everyone else groaned in mock horror at the bad joke. Arin assumed a hurt look, folding her arms and looking away. Teemo went over and wrapped his arms around her waist, laying his chin on her shoulder. He whispered something in her ear that got a laugh out of her.

I smiled; they were such a cute couple.

Apparently, Samik had the same thought. "Get a room," he coughed into his hand, grinning.

Without looking, Teemo reached back, snagged a hammer from the table, and flung it at Samik's head. Samik ducked, and the hammer hit the wall with a loud clang, excited the zombies in the hallway.

"Come on!" Onyx interrupted excitedly, stamped her feet. "Let's do this thang!"

"Since when are you Southern?" I asked her. This time, I was the one who got a hammer flung at their head.

We gathered at the back of the table and, leaning forward, began to shove it across the floor. The legs made a grating sound worse than nails on a chalkboard. I winced and gritted my teeth with each abrasive squeak. Teemo lunged away as soon as we had it in place, clutching his head. "I think it broke my ears!"

"I don't think you can break your ears," Samik said thoughtfully. "Your eardrums, maybe. Or your ears can bleed. But I don't think you can break them."

Teemo glared at him. "Don't make me throw another hammer at you."

We set up the canister so it pointed at the door and created a barricaded corral around the table so the zombies wouldn't have anywhere to go to escape the liquid nitrogen. I placed my hands against the chest blocking the door and shoved it across the room. The door shook in its frame. I grabbed the knob and crouched down as Onyx readied the lever on the canister. We exchanged nods.

I yanked down on the handle and pulled the door open, flinging myself up and out of the corral. The zombies fell into the room just as Onyx turned the lever as hard as she could. A white, misty spray erupted from the spout, hitting the corpses head on. The temperature in the room dropped noticeably.

The zombie's movements stiffened. Their flesh crackled, and patches of ice began to form across the skin. The moans were cut off suddenly, and then the zombies couldn't move at all. They were like life-sized ice sculptures…Ones that smelled bad.

"It worked!" I cheered, pumping my fist in the air.

My friends leapt at the hammers, fighting for control. Zeus snagged a wooden handle and lunged away as quickly as she could. Onyx and Minka worked as a tag team, one shoving Teemo away as the other stole a hammer. The final winner was Arin who had to kick Samik in the shin to claim her prize. I snorted in amusement.

The hammer bearers approached the frozen zombies. They raised the tools simultaneously, then paused for dramatic effect.

"Banuhnuhnun!" I sang in an off-key voice.

The hammers crashed down on the hard, unmoving skulls. With a tremendous shattering noise, the zombies splintered, spewing rocks of flesh and shards of blood red crystals. From the heads, cracks shot down their bodies, splintering almost to their feet. We waited, breath held in anticipation.

Finally, the weight became too much for the fractured bodies, and the zombies shattered entirely, bits and pieces of varying sizes cascading to the floor.

"Fucking awesome!" Onyx cheered.

"Ah man," I groaned. "I wish we'd had a camera to record that!"

Everyone in the room swore violently. Those of us who were in the Human Realm initially patted our pockets, searching. Onyx pulled out her phone. "Ah ha!" She pushed the sliding part up, but the screen remained dark; the phone was dead. "Gawddamnit," she grumbled, flinging the useless machine to the ground.

"Oh well," Minka sighed. "At lease we saw it."

"The humans probably wouldn't approve anyways," Zeus added, rolling her eyes. "They'd probably accuse us of being childish, or risking our lives, or doing something stupid, wasting battery-life or something."

"True dat," I agreed. "Come on, let's go find more zombies! I call being bait; you guys wait here!"

I raced out of the classroom/lab/thing, scooping up a large metal tray and a metal rod on the way. I ran down the hallway and banged the two together as hard as I could. The harsh clanging sound echoed in front and behind me. "Here, zombie-zombie-zombie!" I called like one might call a cat or dog. "I've got some tasty din-dins for you!"

I turned a corner, then a second one, creating enough noise to wake the dead. Lol, wake the dead. I cracked myself up sometimes.

Something thudded urgently in the door to my left. I skidded to a halt, my feet slipping in a wet patch of goop…gross. I placed my ear against the door and listened. Desperate scratching, clacking, and smacking noises drifted through the wood. A grin split my face; here we go.

I stepped back, placed both the tray and rod in one hand, and kicked the door in. it flew open right away and banged against the wall, sending the zombie staggering back. I breathed a sigh of relief; that would've been _really_ embarrassing if it hadn't worked on the first try.

The zombie staggered towards me, lurching and tripping over a broken ankle. I skipped out of the way as it fell into the hallway. It smacked face-first into the wall. I banged on the metal tray to get its attention. Its head spun, and its dead gray eyes locked onto my face. I waggled my eyebrows at it and began to back up as it staggered towards me.

Just like little ducklings following their mommy duck. I just needed, like, two or three more.

We reached a junction in the hallway. I turned right, making beeping noises. A rotting stench filled my nose just before I smacked into something solid, squishy, and cold. A pair of heavy arms wrapped around my chest. Aw-shee-at.

"Motherfucker," I snarled as I threw myself forward and down. We hit the ground with me on top, my elbow punching through the zombie's stomach. I kept moving, pushing against the arms holding mine with my own and flipped backwards over my head. I could hear teeth snapping in my ear.

The force and speed of my roll along with the pushing of my arms broke the zombie's hold on me. I continued to somersault away, the zombie fluids wet and gross on my back. I ran into a wooden cabinet with a jarring thud. The first thing I saw when my vision cleared was an upside down zombie lurching towards me, mouth open, arms reaching. I twisted to the side, the tray I was somehow still holding coming up to smack the corpse in the face. Teeth flew. It staggered back, and I jumped up, back in control.

The zombie ran into the other one, which had just gotten to its feet, and they both tripped over each other. I waited patiently. Well, not really. I banged on the metal tray repeatedly to get their attention. The zombies finally disentangled themselves and zeroed in on me again.

This time I faced forward as I jogged. I didn't feel like repeating that head over heels zombie experience. Soon I was back in the hallway of our chosen lab. Samik was standing outside the door, watching for me. "Hey," he called in greeting. "What's on your back?"

"Zombie juice," I answered, pouting slightly. "We had a bit of a tussle."

"You clean?"

"No, I'm not clean!" I snapped. Samik stiffened, blood draining from his face. "Oh, you mean clean of bites. Then yeah, I'm fine."

He heaved a sigh of relief.

"You guys all set up?"

"Yup. Come on in."

We ducked through the door and vaulted over the tables to safety. Ten seconds later, the two zombies came lurching into the room. Arin released the liquid nitrogen, and the freezing process began again. Soon they were statues. Don't blink!

"Give me a hammer," I said, holding out my hand. "I have a bone to pick with one of these bitches."

Onxy dropped her hammer into my waiting palm; the impact made my skin sting slightly. I made a beeline for the zombie that had sneak-attacked me. (…If a zombie is able to sneak attack you, there's something seriously wrong with you). I tossed the hammer into the air – it flipped head over handle – and caught it again. Then I smashed it into the zombie's cheek with all my strength.

The metal head of the hammer cleaved the zombie's face in two. Chunks flew everywhere, and I cackled evilly. Teemo leapt forward and began to pulverize the second zombie. Within seconds, there were only shards. Then we all danced on the pieces.

Enia Silverson's Checklist of Fun Things to do During the Apocalypse

1. Poke a zombie with a stick – check

2. Kill a zombie with liquid nitrogen – check

3. To Be Decided…

**Enia: So, if I acutally had a sensible plot, we would've met a person who would be integral to the story while we were hunting around the university. But I don't have a plot beyond some broad, overarching ideas. More fun that way.**

**I asked my chemistry teacher if this idea was actually plausible. He said yes, it would work. He also gave me a weird look. So wahahaha! I'm not just pulling stuff out of my ass! But I would've done this chapter anyways, if he'd said it wouldn't work. Now you guys can't get bitchy for incorrect facts! Not that you would, of course.**

**Samik: She may have taken a few liberties with the time necessary.**

**Enia: It's called authorial liberty.**

**Samik: Read authorial laziness.**

**Enia: Shh. And now…read…**

**Samik: And…**

**Enia: Review!**

**Teemo: And did you catch the Doctor Who reference?**


	33. Road Trip

**Enia: Uh…hello. I suppose I should apologize for not warning you that I would be gone in July because of Camp Nanowrimo. Whoops. Sorry. But I'm back now, so no harm no foul right?**

**Samik: No she's not. She's actually dead.**

**Enia: Oh yeah…I died. It was most unfortunate.**

**Samik: She was killed by a bunny.**

**Enia: Hey, it was an angry killer rabbit with giant muscles, huge claws, and sharp teeth, thank you very much.**

**Samik: No, it wasn't. it was a cute little fluffy bunny.**

**Enia: …Shut the fuck up, Samik.**

Road Trip

"We have a problem."

Onyx didn't ask me to come with her. She didn't say she had something to show me or even offer any explanation for her statement. She just kind of grabbed my arm and yanked me away from the conversation I was having with Samik.

"Oi!" I yelped indignantly, looking back at Samik pleadingly for help. The jerk laughed, grinned at me, and waved goodbye with a wiggle of his fingers. "I hate you," I mouthed at him, and he made a mocking heart back at me with his hands.

Onyx dragged me through the library, past clumps of humans, and through the maze of scattered tables and bookshelves. "Where are we going?" I whined.

"You need to see something," she replied, her grip firm on my wrist. She strode forward purposefully, eyes fixed on a point in the distance. I struggled to keep up so I wouldn't get pulled off my feet.

"What?"

But Onyx decided to be mysterious and annoying and not answer me. I began to mouth insults at her back, snarling and making faces and biting. We passed Teemo and Arin as he leapt down from a bookshelf to sneak attack her. Arin calmly punched him in the nose and sent him reeling.

Onyx and I left them behind and arrived a minute later at the far end of the library. We were standing before the door to the storage room. "You gonna tell me what this is about yet?" I demanded.

In reply, she turned the knob and shoved the door open. The lights were out, but we always kept a flashlight on the table next to the entrance. I grabbed the heavy handle and turned the light in Onyx's eyes as a petty revenge. But I decided I really needed to work on my maturity levels. Of course, a second later I jumped to 'screw maturity' and was about to shine my light in her face when its beam fell on the interior of the storage room instead.

It was…what's the best way to put it…pretty much empty.

The previously well stocked shelves were now almost barren, ad the trashcans were overflowing with discarded wrappings. I slowly stepped inside, looking around in bewilderment. "What the hell happened?"

"I donno, your boyfriend probably got carried away with the cooking."

"Hey, he hasn't cooked anything in two weeks," I snapped defensively. "Don't blame him."

Onyx made a rude 'whatever' face at me and left the storage room. I followed, shutting the door behind me. "What do you want to do?" I asked her.

A patronizing 'duh' face replaced her previous scathing one. "We go out and get more supplies. Just me and you. I've been itching to get away from everyone lately."

"And you'd rather spend an extended period of time with only _me_ for company?" I asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, no."

"Thanks, Onyx," I said dryly. We made our way back towards the main room. Onyx continued like I hadn't spoken.

"I figured you were too much of a control freak to let someone else go, and two people seems like the right number for this job."

I would have been offended by the control freak comment except that I knew it was true. Even so, I made a face at her to retain my dignity.

"Which car do you want to take?"

"Police car, maybe," she answered. "But just until we get away from the humans. Then I'm gonna run!"

"Uh, Onyx, I don't think I can keep up with you."

Onyx shoved me into a bookshelf. "What are horses for, dum-dum?"

I rubbed at my shoulder, wincing, and pushed myself away from the shelf. "Uh, riding?"

"Good job," Onyx said, tone patronizing.

"I didn't think you wanted people riding you."

"Well, you thought wrong. Now come on, let's get going!"

Onyx grabbed my wrist and began to drag me through the library. We left the dark rows of shelves for the more open computer and desk area where everyone tended to gather. Onyx didn't slow as they looked up at us.

"We're going scavenging," I explained as I was pulled relentlessly past the humans and my friends. "IF you have any requests, give 'em quick 'cause I don't think Onyx is stopping."

Instantly, practically everyone leapt to their feet and began to follow us. "More food!" Samik ycalled. Well, no duh. "Better cooking supplies! Spices!" Only he would think about having proper cooking gear in the middle of the apocalypse. At lease we'd be eating better than the zombies.

"Toiletries," Arin suggested. Then the humans started yelling.

"Cigarettes!"

"Booze!"

"Pornos!"

I was go to smack someone. I hated stereotypes and clichés.

"Books!" someone yelled.

There was a thud and yelp of pain. "You're in a library."

"…Oh yeah."

"That's enough requests," Onyx decided as the crowd took a breath to continue shouting. She pulled on my arm harder, and we hurried down the staircase onto the demolished first floor. The midday sun was bright in the sky when we left the library and made our way towards a set of five dangling rope ladders. They were handmade too; I thought they were pretty impressive.

Onyx and I picked a ladder and raced the other to the top. I lost by a rung because part of my ladder decided to break on me halfway up. I resisted the urge to push Onyx off the wall as she celebrated.

We had exactly one zombie visitor. He had obviously died at a swimming pool because all he had on was a black pair of swim trunks and goggles looped around his neck. He hadn't been an attractive swimmier either. He was pasty, white, and flabby with his belly flopping down over the waistband of his shorts. The worst part was the coarse black hair coating his chest and stomach, and peeping over his shoulders. Death hadn't helped his looks any.

Onyx whistled as he looked up at us and groaned with outstretched arms. "Hello, ugly."

"Stay right there," I murmured, pulling out a small knife. I closed one eye and poked my tongue out, taking careful aim at Swimmer Boy's head. Then I dropped the knife, point down. It stuck in Swimmer Boy's forehead, and the zombie went down. "Direct hit!" I cheered, pumping my arms.

Then Onyx, the kind and loving girl that she was, decided to push me off the wall.

"Bitch!" I shrieked as I fell through the air, barely avoiding landing smack-dab on top of Swimmer Boy.

Onyx calmly slid down the ladder. "Jerk."

"Get in the damn car," I snapped good naturedly, picking myself up off the ground. Onyx claimed shotgun, leaving me to drive. I slipped into the driver's seat of the police car.

Vroom vroom.

**Enia: Fuck this. I'm sorry. I can't do this right now. Here's this chapter since it's been so long and people are getting antsy with me. Question and Answer for the characters is still open, and if you want to suggest an item or series of times that we have to kill zombies with, that'd be awesome.**


	34. One of Those Horrible Fucking Chapters

One of Those Fucking Horrible Chapters

The zombie apocalypse really wasn't the terrible, wrenching tragedy that literature portrayed it to be. Oh no, lots of people are dying in horrible painful ways! Big whup, get over it. Lots people died in horrible, painful ways before shit hit the fan. No major cities, electricity, or Internet? The horror! Welcome to the earlier time periods, people. The whole dead coming back to eat us wasn't much different than any other natural disaster, war, or shitstorm.

Looking out the window of the police car, I could see how the world was beginning to revert back, slowly, to the time before industrialization. The snow had collected everywhere and then started to melt in the weeks that had passed, eroding away the concrete with no one to salt it. I could picture what it would look like in spring, and I smiled. Maybe I was cold, but I'd never liked the cities and couldn't wait to see them crumble away and be replaced by prairie and trees.

In my time, there was less than .01% of natural prairie left in Iowa. Maybe we would see that return as the years passed. Maybe there would be fields of sweeping grass waving in the breeze and a clear, unpolluted sky. The forests would grow wild, uncultured, and expand to claim the land and cities, and maybe the water would slowly purify itself and turn blue again.

Maybe it would look like my home, the Elf Realm.

"Eyes on the road!" Onyx snapped, smacking me on the shoulder and jerking me out of my odd reverie. I returned to my senses just in time to realize that we'd drifted drastically to one side and were about to collide with the tangled wreck of two cars.

Shit.

I wrenched on the steering wheel and the tires squealed as we swerved violently back towards the center of the road, avoiding the wreck by inches. I was glad I hadn't been wearing my seat belt because otherwise I probably wouldn't have a head anymore.

"Sorry."

"Stop the car," Onyx ordered. "You're going to get us killed. We'll walk from here."

I pulled into a conveniently empty diagonal spot next to an abandoned truck, and we got out. "Where are we even going?" I asked, following her down the battered road.

That stopped Onyx in her tracks. She shrugged. "I don't know. That's _your_ job."

"This was _your_ idea," I replied.

"You went along with it."

"That doesn't make it _my_ responsibility!"

Onyx shrugged. "Not my division."

Oh, she did not just pull that.

Then, out of the stark broken skyline of the city, framed by the snow white sky, rose a Walmart. Wow, we'd gone much farther than I'd thought we had, almost out to Coralville. If the Walmart was here, then the Costco would be nearby as well, along with the Coralridge Mall. Score! …How the fuck had we gotten out here?

"Onyx, I think I'm going crazy. How did we get here?"

"Are you kidding me right now?" Onyx snapped, sounding a little scared. "Why the fuck did I let you drive if you can't even remember how we got here?"

I shrugged. "I lose time occasionally." It was true; sometimes I lost moments of my life. One time, I'd been at the top of a staircase, and then I was suddenly at the bottom, and I had no idea how I'd gotten there. Another time, during swim practice, I'd lost an entire twenty-five. It was just gone, poof. It was weird and a little disorienting.

"I'm surprised we didn't lose our lives," she grumbled under her breath, intending for me to hear.

"Fine! Then _you_ can fucking drive on the way back!" I yelled, fed up.

"I will!" she shouted back, getting in my face.

"Gramherm…" That was the sound the zombies made in my head. Or maybe, "Graghflashaw." Anything that started with a 'g' and made weird throat noises. Anyways, the sound interrupted our stupid argument, coming from the left but hidden by the guardrail and the incline.

"Mine!" I yelled, spinning around.

"No, mine!" Onyx replied, shoving me out of the way. She transformed into her massive horse form as I hit the ground. I somersaulted back to my feet and ran forward, dodging around Onyx. The zombie's head appeared behind the guardrail. It pretty much didn't have a face; just a blackened and gore-streaked skull and unblinking yellow eyes.

A curl of fire appeared in my palm, and I ducked in front of Onyx, unafraid of her huge-ass hooves. She swore at me angrily, but thankfully didn't bash my head in. Skull-Face groaned and raised its grasping, bony fingers. With a flick of my wrist, I sent the curl of flame spinning into its brain.

"Win!" I yelled, pumping my fist in the air.

"Shut the fuck up," Onyx replied haughtily.

"You know you're just jealous. Come on, let's go."

**Enia: That was a really bad chapter, holy fucktard. Oh god. Oh lord. Fuck, ew. Fuck. It will have to be rewritten sometime. Not now 'cause I'm lazy and I haven't updated since August. The next series of chapter, will hopefully be awesome. I will call the series "Zombie Kill of the Week" and we'll see how many ways we can find to kill zombies in different types of stores.**

**Yeah, don't judge the horriblness.**


	35. Glory Praise to Costco

Glory Praise to Costco

"Wanna go to Costco first?" I asked Onyx. The stint with the zombie had put us both in better moods. Nothing like a little wanton death and destruction to raise the spirits. Neither of us had any idea what the fight had even been about; just the stress talking, I guessed, or pent up frustration that we couldn't take out on the humans.

We should really just kick them out of the library; it'd make everything so much easier.

But you caaaaan't, Enia.

Shut up, stupid whiny conscious voice.

"What about those stores?" Onyx asked, indicating the dark Kohl's sign. With it was a shoe store, a Walmart, and a Slumberland. Beyond it lay the Costco, and the opposite side of the street was lined with fast food restaurants. The great, big, yellow M had split in two. To our left was the Coralridge Mall, filled with all the stores you could possibly think of. I wondered if the Hot Topic had been ransacked, loving the idea of getting my hands on the stuff in there. To our right, somewhere behind the Kohl's, was another mall complex, filled with a Bed Bath and Beyond, more shoe stores, and other shop's I'd never been in.

"They're closer," Onyx finished.

"We're looking for food, right?" I replied, kicking a discarded Coke can out of the way. "These are clothes stores."

"Walmart," she pointed out. The blue building was a stain on the face of the earth.

"But Costco is, well, Costco. Land of the fucking humongous."

"Yeah," Onyx agreed. "And I have a problem with Walmart."

"Don't we all?"

Destination decided, we got back in the car, Onyx pointedly taking the driver's seat. I shrugged and rode shotgun. It was probably best if I didn't drive.

Onyx made sure to run over Skull-Face's still body.

* * *

Costco's indoor parking lot was ominously dark. The grocery store had been built in an old warehouse, one end of it a parking garage and the other end the store. I loved Costco. Their free samples in every other aisle were awesome, and everything was pretty much larger than my head. They sold a lot of different types of goods, too; food, clothes, and electronics.

Onyx stopped the car a good twenty feet away from the black gaping mouth. I scanned our surroundings but all was silent. "You remember anything that was on the list of requests?" she asked me.

"Spices and better cooking supplies," I replied promptly

Onyx gave me a look out of the corner of her eye. "You only remember what Samik wants, don't you?"

"Pretty much."

She sighted, shaking her head. "Typical." I stayed silent, grinning.

Finally, Onyx gave up trying to remember what people wanted and clicked on the headlights. She put the car in drive and slowly rolled forward. Now, _I_ would have punched it and gone flying into the dark garage followed by the screeching of tires and the smell of burning rubber, but I wasn't allowed to drive anymore.

Inch by inch, the gray cement floor appeared before us, but the remainder of the garage was black as ink, untouched by the strong afternoon sun. I unrolled my window and stuck my hand out, my heart clenching for a moment, convinced that something was going to reach out of the darkness, grab my hand, and yank me out of the car. I quickly clicked my fingers and sent a fireball spinning up towards the ceiling with a flick of my wrist, yanking my hand back inside and punching the button for the window.

Overhead, the fireball expanded into a large orange oval, showering the room in light. Onyx stamped on the brakes, and I nearly cracked my head open on the dash, despite our snail's pace. "Fuck," she breathed.

That pretty much summed it up.

The garage was a madhouse maze of crashed cars and discarded carts. Dried blood painted the haphazard streets that were littered with spilled and rotting food and ravaged bodies, most of which were in pieces. There had been a fire in there at some point, and half of the cars were scorched, even melted down to their skeleton, and the smell of smoke coated the air.

There were about two dozen zombies shambling towards us from the wreckage, mouths open, arms raised.

"Balls," I cursed. My hand dropped to the door. "I'll distract them, and you get the car as close to those doors as you can." The doors of Costco were in the far corner of the lot. I could see from here that they weren't open, but the glass was shattered across the floor.

"Then what?" Onyx asked.

"Then we find some fun ways to kill these sons of bitches."

Onyx grinned as I tumble-rolled out of the car and shut the door with a thud. Instantly, several sets of yellowing eyes locked onto me. "Let's dance," I murmured to myself. I circled around the back of the car, keeping myself pointed at the oncoming threat. There was a long length of silver pipe lying on the floor. One end was burnt black and bubbled out of shape, but it was still good and thick, about the length of a quarterstaff.

I scooped it up as I ran, swinging it experimentally. It had a good heft to it, and it whistled through the air. I could use my magic, sure, but this was a little more interesting.

I banged the staff against the wrecks of the cars, creating a din to wake the dead. Most of the zombies turned to face me, though a few still staggered after Onyx in the car. She casually ran them over. I leapt on top of a dirty white truck and stood on top of the cab for a moment to assess the situation.

Onyx was at the door and out of the car. I was surrounded and the car was beginning to rock beneath my feet. Droopy, leering faces glared at me and hands reached for my ankles. I smashed one end of the staff into a gray head and leapt into the air. I whirled the rod above my head like a little helicopter rotor and created a powerful wind that carried me across part of the maze; a trick I'd learned from Avatar the Last Airbender.

I let go of the wind and landed on a little car that was burnt to hell, rolling down the cracked windshield to land on the ground, staff held tight against my back. I snapped it up and the lower end smashed into the chin of a snarling zombie.

"Move your ass!" Onyx called from across the garage. She was probably tapping her foot.

"Hold your horses!"

Stony silence met my words; she hated it when we said that to her.

I darted across the maze, cheating and running on the tops of the cars, the zombies struggling along behind me. Onyx stepped aside as I blasted through the broken doors. She slipped inside behind me, and we waited in the dark foyer. The fire on the ceiling of the parking lot cast the corpses' shadows ahead of them, flickering uncertainly.

"They're going to be behind us too, aren't they?" Onyx said. It wasn't a question.

"Undoubtedly."

Onyx watched my back as I turned around, lighting a fireball in my hand. Sure enough, there was a welcoming party coming right at us. I couldn't tell how many there were.

Looks like we've got company," I said.

A grin crossed Onyx's face, and my mouth split to match it. As we took off, I chucked the fireball into the air. It exploded into a thousand shards that hung in the air and illuminated the entire store. Dark shapes flickered in the aisles.

"Let's go to the kitchen," I suggested.

"Why?"

"Ovens."

With that one word, Onyx understood. We angled through the store, me whacking and smacking the zombies with my pole and Onyx – who had transformed into her horse form – stomping over the bodies with high steps. We left a grisly trail of corpses in our wake.

We entered the bakery through the pungent smelling seafood department. I glanced around hopefully for one of those humongous cakes or muffins, but time, rodents, and scavengers had made sure that there were none. My nose wrinkled in disappointment. We hurtled the moldy cake case. Onyx cleared it easily in her massive horse form, and I slid across the glass. There was a zombie in a white shirt and apron, surprisingly clean, waiting for us, but Onyx's heavy hoof smashed its head in before it could take a step. I slipped through the tables and counters, searching for the ovens and suitable presents for Samik. I spotted a gorgeous knife set and a huge mixer and filed them away in my head.

"Dude, Enia, check this out!"

I spun to face Onyx's voice; she was standing before an oven that stretched from floor to ceiling. She had transformed back into a human and opened the oven, dragging the racks out and letting them clatter to the floor.

I checked behind us for our dinner guests. They were almost upon us, rows deep. I grabbed Onyx's arm and pointed at the cabinets beside the oven. "Up here."

We scrambled up, leaving the oven door open. But despite the fact that we were right next to the big stove, they came for us and not the open doors. We were about three feet above their grasping hands. This wasn't going to work.

Cursing, I stood up into a crouch, handing my long pole to Onyx, and reached across the four foot gap to grab a pipe that jutted out of the oven. I took it in both hands, inhaled slowly, and lifted my legs off the cabinet, pulling them across the gap, my weight held up over the hungry hands that followed me by only the strength of my arms.

My toes touched the white metal and found a perch on a small seam. I located a second pipe and swung myself from the side of the oven to the front, just above the door. The zombies poured into the spacious oven, and I reached for the door with one foot to swing it shut before the oven overflowed.

I lit it with my magic and swung back around to rejoin Onyx, taking the pole back. The oven shook from the inside with the pounding of many fists. Soon, the smell of scorched flesh and hair filled the air in the form of thick, oily smoke. Onyx and I stared at it as it coiled towards us.

"This wasn't the best idea, was it?" I asked.

"No," Onyx agreed. For once, she left off a comment about how it was also my idea.

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"Let's get out of here."

"Agreed."

There was a hanging light fixture across from us. I leapt forward and grabbed it, swinging to the top of the arc and letting go. I soared over the undead heads, landing and rolling across the tiled floor. A moment, later, Onyx hit the ground beside me, and we took off running.

What else was there?

Onyx cut to the right and I struggled to follow her, slipping in a patch of something wet. My feet left long skid marks on the floor. "What do you got?"

"Flour!"

We were really good at one word answers. (Although, since we were teenagers, that wasn't all that surprising). Costco had – well, I didn't really know – gazillion pound bags of flour and sugar. They would do damage if dropped on some certain rotting heads. I smirked evilly.

We wove through the aisles until we found the one with what we were looking for. The bags of flour were massive, entire flats of them. I glanced back down the aisle; our speed had granted us a brief reprieve, but the zombies would be there soon.

Stomping my foot, the floor beneath the palates shot high into the air, a small staircase carved into the exposed earth. I gestured for Onyx to go first and followed her up, erasing the stairs behind me.

We sat there for an awkward couple of minutes, waiting. I nodded a couple of times, the corners of my mouth turning down in my 'well, this is awkward' face. "So…how's it going?"

"Oh, you know. Alright. Yourself?"

"Good, good."

We fell silent. "Wow, they really keep you waiting when you want 'em," I said.

"Yeah, tell me about it. And they're always there when you don't."

We spent another couple of silent minutes crouched a little painfully on top of the bags of flour. I left the pole by my side. It really shouldn't be taking them so long. I was about to suggest that I could and prod them along when Onyx grabbed my arm and started shaking it. "There." I had to practically yank my arm away from her.

Our guests had arrived, shuffling painfully down the aisle. Some got shunted into the adjacent aisles, their shapes obscured by the boxes of food. I stood up and shifted around until there was a free bag of flour before me. I wiggled it around and shuffled it forward so it was positioned to tip, grunting a little with the effort.

"Bombs away!" I said to Onyx and gave the bag one last nudge.

It toppled from the stack in slow motion, ponderously spinning end over end. We watched it with antici…

…

…

…

…pation.

It struck a zombie right on target, and her head and neck literally disintegrated in a gray and black cloud. The bag hit the zombie's shoulder on its way to the ground, nearly knocking the rotting arm clean off. The headless body knocked several other zombies over as it collapsed. One zombie cracked its head on the metal bar of a shelf and lay still. The others growled and thrashed angrily on the ground as their fellows trampled them, tripping up more of the corpses and creating a writhing mass of chaos.

I cackled in amusement.

"Heave ho," Onyx said as she tipped over another bag of flour. The result was much the same, creating even more chaos. "The poor dumb fucks," she sighed.

"Yeah." I didn't know if she was talking about the fact that they were getting their heads caved in with bags of flour or the fact that they were zombies in the first place.

"Do you smell that?"

I glanced up from my next bag of flour, not wanting to take a sniff to see what she was talking about because of all the dead people particles floating in the air. But I didn't need to; I could see it. A bright red glow lit the far end of the massive store, but it wasn't from my fireball still floating by the ceiling. No, this was brighter and redder, hazy with gray smoke.

"Balls," I groaned.

Costco was on fire.

**Enia: Well, winter break wasn't nearly as productive as I had hoped it would be. But due to extreme cold, our first day back is cancelled! Good thing too, 'cause I haven't really done my homework.**

**Happy Birthday to me, turned 17 on the 30th. It's depressing, though, 'cause what have I done? I never got my letter to Hogwarts or my first Pokemon and Pokedex. I never found a wardrobe to Narnia, or traveled in the company of hobbits, dwarves, or elves, never ridden a dragon. I've never been on an epic quest or defeated a great evil. Al I've done is gone to school. Which I hate. With a passion.**

**Life.**

**Not really what they promised me it'd be.**


	36. A Valentine's Day Message

**_WE INTERUPT YOUR REGUARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM FOR THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE!_**

A Valentine's Day Message

As you all most likely know – assuming you haven't been hiding under a rock for the past couple of months – Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Actually, it's today. But "Valentine's Day is here" sounds a lot less cool than "Valentine's Day is right around the corner." Perhaps we could say that "Valentine's Day has arrived." Yes, that's good; let's say that.

As you all know, Valentine's Day has arrived; a time of the year that is trying even under normal circumstances. But in these times of darkness and sorrow, experts have predicted that this holiday will be even more horrible than usual. So, out of the goodness of our hearts, we have created a list of DOs and DON'Ts – mainly DON'Ts – to help you survive your first Valentine's Day in the zombie wasteland that is now our world.

1. DON'T go looking for your loved ones.

Undoubtedly, you have all lost someone. A boyfriend or girlfriend, perhaps, or maybe a spouse. A best friend. A secret lover. We all have them; we've all lost them. But DO NOT go looking for them. We'll say it again; DO NOT go looking for your loved ones.

Why? Because they're no longer your loved ones, dumbass. Oh, sorry. We're supposed to be professional. Let us try again. Why shouldn't you go looking for them? Because they're no longer your loved ones, you poor, sad thing. They aren't hungry for your love; they're hungry for your flesh. Go looking for them, and you'll just end up dead.

2. DON'T have sex

We know, we know; what better thing to do on a lonely Valentine's Day when the world's gone to hell in a hand basket and there happens to be a hot guy or girl in your group? Actually, there are a lot of better things to do.

We don't know much about the topic itself, but we've seen enough horror movies to know that if you have sex, you will die.

Imagine that you're happily grinding away with another person, seemingly safe behind your locked doors and barricaded walls, when suddenly there's a breach somewhere and the undead poor into your compound. You've been caught with your pants down; literally. You're not ready to escape. You're dead. Having sex is just taboo.

You do it, you die.

3. DON'T attempt to confess your undying (haha, get it? We're so witty) love to someone in your compound.

Most likely, this will just end awkwardly – very awkwardly. Chances are that your love won't reciprocate your feelings. You'll just end up being heartbroken and depressed and will end up doing something stupid that will endanger the entire compound and everyone in it. And you don't want to do that, do you?

Or your one true love could be missing _their_ one true love on this awful day because they were bitten and are now wandering around in eternity. Then things become _really_ awkward. You'll get rejected, and both of you will become depressed and do something stupid that will endanger the compound.

Also, your one true love could end up killing you – always a possibility. So just don't try it. Keep those feelings locked up tight inside!

4. In connection with #3, DON'T try to do something heroic to prove your feelings to your one true love.

Once again, you will just end up dead, and your one true love probably won't be impressed or swept off his/her feet. They'll also just think you're stupid. Heroics are fun and all, but not for love. Never for love.

5. DON'T sit in a corner and bemoan your horrible situation while crying.

There are several reasons for this.

1. You will look like an idiot. You'll be sitting in a corner, arms curled around your legs, with tear tracks sliding down your cheeks as you bawl your eyes out. People will start to not like you.

2. You'll look weak. As much as you wish it weren't true, it is. Bawling in a corner for no apparent reason makes you look weak. And during a zombie apocalypse, as you might have guessed, that is not a good thing. Your fellows will begin to doubt you, question your resolve. They'll start losing their trust in you. And that's dangerous for everyone.

3. You'll be loud, and what does noise attract? That's right, zombies. Nobody wants that. You'll probably get thrown out of the compound to appease the undead monsters.

4. You'll be annoying. Nobody likes a crybaby. They'll start hating you, probably contemplate killing you, and then actually do it.

So don't cry in a corner.

6. DON'T get wasted.

You get wasted, you lose all your common sense, you end up wandering around the streets alone, attracting attention, until you finally collapse to the ground unconscious and get eaten. Or you compromise your compound and get everyone inside killed. It may seem like fun to drown your sorrows in booze, but it won't end well. And even if you somehow miraculously survive the day, you'll wake up with a roaring hangover.

7. DON'T go on a dinner-and-a-movie date.

Romantic, yes, until you end up dead. Any restaurants or cinemas you find will most likely be filled with zombies. If not, the noise from the movie will attract them. Any restaurants you try will only have rotten food; not exactly conducive to good food. More conducive to getting sick.

You and your date will probably end up being the "dinner" part of the dinner-and-a-movie.

8. DON'T proclaim your undying love for someone from a rooftop.

While seemingly romantic, the only thing this will accomplish is drawing all the zombies in the area to your position. Congratulations, you are now dead.

9. DON'T try to do it with a zombie.

First off, this is wrong on so many levels. Just because it makes noise, doesn't mean it's giving you consent. You'll also get bit. And seriously? That's just fucking gross. Like, really. Seriously. We shouldn't even have to fucking tell you this. Why would you even think about it? Jesus, God. Are you really that sexually depraved and desperate, you sick fucks? Oh God, we can't get the fucking image out of our minds! They're all rotting and falling apart, and who knows what kind of fucking STD's they're carrying! Oh ew, gross, aw fuck! Moving on, quickly, moving on!

10. DON'T commit suicide.

It's just one day; you can make it. You've managed to not off yourself for the past few months; you can resist the urge for one more day. Besides, think of the mess you'll make that your comrades will have to clean up.

11. DON'T go on a murderous rampage and kill all the zombies.

Well, maybe do do this (haha, doo-doo). It depends on how you go about your murderous rampage. Let's put it this way; DON'T get bit while going on a murderous rampage. It's been clinically proven that wanton death and destruction is good for the soul. You'd also help clear the area of zombies. Just don't get bit.

12. DO sit in your room under the blankets and cry.

This is the acceptable version of #5. You won't make a fool of yourself and no one will know what you're doing in there. You could be dealing with the loneliness of Valentine's Day some other way.

13. DO figure out exactly how sex is defined in the dictionary.

Once you know this, you can do every pleasurable thing that you want if it's not covered by the definition and be safe from the don't have sex rule. Score, loopholes!

14. DO stuff your face with all the chocolate you can find.

Chocolate is the candy of Valentine's Day and sometimes called edible sex. It is the one sure thing that can make anyone happy, no matter the situation. Mmm…chocolate. We have dark chocolate covered super fruit in our backpack right now…mmm…delicious…

And there you have it, Lucky Movie Lovers. No, wait. That's Marcus Theaters. Hm, we need our own catchphrase.

… … …

We got nothing.

Good luck surviving your first Valentine's Day during the zombie apocalypse. Keep our helpful DOs and DON'Ts in mind and you should be fine. Key word here being should.

_This message has been brought to you by Epiphany Fish Corporations, paid for by a very shady group that we don't know the name of._

Love,

Enia and Samik


	37. Slumber Party

Slumber Party

"Go," I ordered Onyx. "Go now."

"Where?" she demanded. "The fire's blocking the exit, and we're surrounded!"

Balls, she was right. The fuzzy orange light stretched from dark wall to dark wall, huge clouds of smoke brushing the ceiling. "I'll go put it out and lure the zombies away. You go as soon as there's a clear path."

"And let you get yourself killed?"

"Oh, ye of little faith," I admonished. "Don't worry; I don't have a death wish."

Onyx opened her mouth to object, but I saw it coming and quickly cut her off. "Complain later!" I jumped into the air and landed neatly on a freshly made fireboard, holding my quarterstaff pole in one hand. With a rumbling groan, some of the zombies turned to follow me, pushing and shoving at each other in a giant writhing mass, almost like an anthill. I tipped the front of the fireboard down until it brushed the fingers of the tallest grasping hands, so I could entice more of the undead to follow.

The air quickly spiked in temperature until the inside of my throat felt like the inside of a cooked chicken, and my skin seemed like it was baked so crispy that it would begin to flake off in huge, black flecks to float down to the zombies so they could enjoy me like potato chips.

…That was a disturbing image. Moving on.

Finally, I could get no closer; the heat was too much. The fire was a roaring, pounding presence in my head. In books, fire is always described as alive, and that's because it's true; fire _is_ alive, in both the chemical and the other sense. Fire breathes oxygen just like almost all other living creatures, and it has a mind. That's why fire is always described as chaotic and dangerous, as being both friend and foe. Because it's alive, and it's wild.

But if you know exactly how to speak fire's language, then you can make it do just about anything.

And I knew exactly how to speak fire's language. I'd been taught by the best; Teemo.

I caught hold of the energy that twisted within the roaring blaze, bent, and lifted it into the air in a curling ball that dripped red tongues of fire onto the hungry zombies beneath me.

Good for containing the fire? Not really. But it was pretty damn funny to watch them stumble around and set each other on fire.

To my left, all the way down the store, I saw the glint of a large window, the late evening, dying sun glinting on the glass. I flicked my wrist, and the massive fireball flew towards it, exploding through the glass to the outside to, hopefully, dissipate or keep on flying right up into space. The force of its passing knocked over shelves and sent zombies careening through the air like tumbleweeds. I grinned in amusement.

I zipped towards the doors on my fireboard, ducking through their empty frames and completely incinerating the arm of a lost, wandering zombie. Onyx was waiting for me in the driver's seat of the police car. I deposited myself lightly on the ground and got in, shunning the seatbelt.

"Well, that was a fail," Onyx said as she gunned it out of the parking lot. I almost shrieked and shriveled up and died like a vampire when we hit the sunlight.

"Oh come on, no it wasn't," I replied after my brain began to function again.

Onyx rolled her head to the side to give me a look. "What did we accomplish in there?"

"We almost burned down Costco and killed some zombies."

"And what were we supposed to accomplish?"

"Killing all the zombies and getting supplies."

Oh.

"Psh, oh well." I waved the whole fiasco away. "This is mall country; there are plenty of other stores to hit."

"Not tonight, there aren't," Onyx shot me down. "It's too late."

"So?" I asked. Out the window, the sun was barely beginning to kiss the horizon like a lover (okay, what the fuck?), shooting orange rays across the sky. There was a second sun in the clouds; my fireball. Aw yeah. Bet that was giving some people heart attacks.

"Do you really want to go hunting zombies in the dark?"

"Yes," I replied eagerly.

"Only you," she muttered. "Well, I don't, and so we're not going to. Case closed."

I slumped down in my seat, flinging one hand dramatically across my face. "Oh, you've crushed all my hopes and dreams!"

"You'll live," she answered.

"No, I won't. Are you sure? Look, I'm having a heart attack right now! Aaa!" I puddled out of my seat and onto the dirty floor of the car.

Onyx ignored me. I remained on the floor for the rest of the drive on a matter of principle, refusing to move even when the car came to a stop five minutes later. "Get up, Enia," Onyx ordered.

My tongue lolled out of my mouth like a dead person's. I was enjoying myself and how much of a little shit I was being.

Onyx slammed the door as she got out of the car and stomped around the back. She yanked my side open, grabbed me by the arms, and dragged me unceremoniously out of the car. Then she dropped me on the cement. "Ow!" I yelped, unable to remain dead when my skull cracked against the sidewalk. "Hey!"

"See, you're not dead."

"But I might die now from brain trauma!"

"Stop being a baby." She couldn't keep the tiny hidden grin off her face.

I stuck my hand into the air for help up which, of course, she ignored. I sighed and somersaulted backwards to get to my feet, running to catch up. "Where are we?"

Onyx pointed at a dark building up ahead. Its dark letters were too torn up and broken off for me to read. "It's a Slumberland," she explained.

"I didn't know there was one around here," I said.

"It's new."

The sun was almost gone as we jogged across the wreckage littered parking lot. A small gray arm waved from a shattered minivan window. Inside was a little zombie in a stained Cinderella dress. The doors of the Slumberland were shut and locked by a heavy metal gate inside the glass and a thick padlock on the outside. The plates on the gate overlapped each other, hiding the inside of the building. I scanned the front, but there were no broken windows.

One of two things awaited us inside the dark Slumberland. Either it was empty, or it was packed chock-full of hungry, undead monsters. Fun times.

"We should go in through the second floor," I suggested, "so no wandering zombies stumble in through the broken window."

Onyx nodded. "Sounds good."

We hurried over to the side of the building. I tried to peer through one of the large windows, but it was covered by the same kind of gate as the door. With a stomp of my foot, I lifted us into the air on a tower of cement and dirt. The second story windows were about half the size of the ones on the first floor. Onyx smashed her elbow into the glass, and it shattered easily with a noise like a gunshot. We stayed on the edges of our platform, waiting for something to fling itself at us.

Thirty seconds passed and nothing had eaten us, so I gave Onyx and nod and we slipped into the dark room. I clicked my fingers and held up the fireball to illuminate the storage room filled with filing cabinets. "Clear," I said briskly. "Move out."

"What are we, military?"

"Yes."

Onyx watched as I crouch-walked across the room towards the door, finger gun at the ready, probably looking impossibly stupid. "Okay."

She ran after me, and we threw ourselves at the wall on either side of the door, eyes narrowed. When I yanked the door open, she burst out into the hallway to check both ends of it. "Clear!" she hissed.

I slipped out of the room, my back pressed against the wall. It was a struggle to keep from cracking up. "Stairs?" I asked seriously.

"That way." Onyx pointed at the once-neon sign that sat high on the wall.

We jogged double time down the corridor in perfect synchronization, making no noise except for the soft, off-key hum of heroic music. "Shut up," Onyx hissed, biting down on her grin.

"We should have brought a boom box."

"What is this, the 80s?"

"Don't you think it would be cool to have music playing?"

"Yeah, but not on a boom box."

"Then what would you use?" I snapped defensively.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe something from the twenty-first century like an Ipod or a phone."

I wracked my brain for a good comeback to save my dignity but came up blank. I came up blank a lot. I settled for sticking my nose in the air haughtily.

The door to the stairs was already open, the floor inside littered with a couple of discarded papers. There was a muddy footprint on one of them. Maybe not a good signal for Slumberland being abandoned.

The stairwell was pitch black, and my brain filled in the blank spot with zombies packed in from wall to wall and floor to ceiling like a massive block of flesh and teeth and waving limbs.

I quickly shut the door on that image.

"Let's go," I whispered.

Onyx nodded sharply. We descended side by side, silent for real this time. The fireball lit up the space around us, but beyond its hazy sphere, the darkness was like stone, and I could feel my insides tighten, and it seemed like my throat was trying to crawl out of my mouth. I reached out to touch the wall. "Phosphate Tyra."

The wall lit up, a sickly neon-green color, the kind associated with radioactive things. The tension in my body released when I could see what was in front of me. I heard Onyx release a breath too.

The stairwell was empty and ended at a shut door. I slipped forward and placed my ear against the wood, barely breathing. Silence in the room beyond. I motioned to Onyx and silently eased the door open. She darted through, and I quickly followed, closing the door on the sickly green glow, though it still peeped out through the crack.

"Light the whole place up," Onyx whispered. "I don't like being in the dark like this."

"Okay." I knelt and laid my palm against the cold tile, murmuring the spell a second time. The floor lit up, the glow reaching for the ceiling. The pieces of furniture were black shapes scattered across the room. Five zombies staggered towards us, the green light giving them a doubly gruesome look.

"Oh no!" I cried with mock terror. "They're radioactive! Don't touch them!"

"They aren't radioactive, Enia," Onyx said, smacking me on the head. "Don't be stupid."

"I know _that_," I groused. "I'm making shit up to have fun."

"…You're so weird."

"Thanks."

"So don't touch them," Onyx agreed. "What else?"

"Don't touch the floor," I said.

"Shit!" she yelled, and we ran fro the nearest bed.

We leapt onto a large queen sized bed, our feet marring the perfect white covers with gray slush as we sank into the soft mattress. I bounced up and down happily. The nearest zombie lunged at us but got stuck on the edge of the bed and flopped over, flailing. Onyx and I jumped on the bed as hard as we could, and the zombie bounced up and down as it snarled and waved its arms. I grabbed a smooth blue vase from the bedside table and smashed it over the corpse's head. The vase shattered violently into huge shards, a few of them driving through the rotten skull. The zombie went down.

Onyx slapped me five, and we searched out our next victim. I bounced higher on the bed and jumped onto a low dresser. The prop pictures wobbled dangerously. I jumped off and landed on a second bed, springing away again for a glass table as soon as my foot hit the mattress. It was just like a giant game of Lava Monster on the playground or only jumping on certain patters when there's a cool rug.

A zombie came after me when I was balanced precariously on a tall bookshelf. I pushed it over as I jumped off, and the zombie was crushed beneath, its skull shattering and spraying black blood when it hit the top of a table.

I landed on the tumbled case, ran across the table, to the couch, and jumped off the back to another bed. "This is awesome!" I yelled to Onyx, jumping.

She was across the room, leading a zombie on a merry chase through a living room display. She flashed me two thumbs up.

There was a female zombie coming towards me through a clump of dining tables and chairs. I leapt to the nearest table and waiting. The zombie lunged, and I jumped to the next table. It untangled itself and came after me. The edge of the table had left a deep grove in its stomach, and dark fluids were leaking out of the wound.

"Grotty," I told it. "You really need to work on your personal hygiene; that's not healthy."

My words were lost on its dead brain.

I grabbed a nearby chair. It was a heavy thing with what I assumed to be a stone frame. I stuck out my tongue and grunted as I lifted it into the air. I swung the chair like a baseball bat, and the hard legs cleaved straight through the zombie's head. The top half flew away as the body collapsed.

I waved the chair above my head in victory.

"Clear!" Onyx yelled. I dropped the chair, and it hit the floor with a bang. "Are the floor's safe to stand on?"

"Nope!" I answered. "Stay off them."

We jumped from furniture piece to furniture piece until we each found a bed that we liked. I collapsed, suddenly exhausted, and let my eyes slip shut, lulled by the perfect soft mattress and the warm blankets.

In hindsight, we probably should have checked the rest of the place first.

**Enia: Aw yeah, managed to finish this before I leave for vacation. Puerto Rico. Boo-yah, bitches. I'm so excited. It's gonna be so warm and sunny and beaches and rainforests and zip lining! Iowa has been so bitching cold since about mid-December. This is our first week of school with no delays or snowdays since Winter Break ended in January.**

**Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter. The next one will be different than the others. wiggles eyebrows**

**Samik: That was weird.**

**Enia: I know.**

**Samik: Will you stow me in your suitcase?**

**Enia: Of course. It might be a tight fit.**

**Samik: That's okay. I'll manage.**

**Enia: Please leave a review!**


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